I cant fight the darkness in me - Boadicea

After he had found the toys for his sisters, the artifact had loosen it's dark grip on him, turning him back to his normal self with all the memories of what he had done. He gasped as he backed off from his sisters and left them without saying a word. He just ran till he reached the school but it was empty. Karmena's blood was in a big pool on the ground, trailing the way that Theodore had taken her when they left. He just stared at the pool in horror as he lifted a hand to his heart and felt awfully short of breath. He leaned forward, putting his hands on his knees as he gasped for air.

Coming back to his house was awful. He just couldnt remove the memories, watching how his body instinctively acted on it's bloodlust, tearing apart the future gang with his actions. He sat down on his couch with his head in his hands as his phone started ringing. He looked at it and saw Buffy's picture light up, but he just let it rang, leaning back as he watched the call go on the voicemail and watching it switch to black as it turned off again. He moved his eyes up to the ceiling and hid his face in his hands. "What have I done..." he mumbled rather distressed as he suddenly rose to his feet and kicked the coffee table, knocking it over and breaking it apart with the forceful kick. He grabbed a piece of the broken table and slammed it against the tv, shattering it to leave a wide gap in what used to be a rather flawless screen. When he had soothed his anger, his living room was a mess and he ran his fingers through his hair as the tears pressed on.
"Fuck.... no... I couldnt... Karm... Lion.." he whispered as if his begging would undo his evil. He sat down on the couch again and stared at the broken tv with empty eyes.

She had tried calling him for hours, but he hadn’t picked up. It wasn’t like him. He at least sent a text if he was too busy. Buffy was not the type to get worried sick, but in this moment she felt herself move through the city faster than normal. She reached his apartment, but didn’t take the usual entrance. She took her private entrace and crawled up the fire ladders until she reached his apartment. She could see him inside and crawled through the window he never locked. For a while she stood, looking at the mess and the frustrated demon on the couch. She let out a sigh and pushed some of the wood from what was formerly a nice coffee table. With a few steps she was at him, kneeling down to sit on the floor infront of him. She reached her hand up, brushing her fingers across his cheek. ”Care to explain?” she said in a harsh tone, but she meant well. She had been worried sick and finally seeing him in a wrecked livingroom didn’t help her mood. She got to her feet and started cleaning up the mess, hoping he would talk to her. Say anything at all. She felt her heart break as she watched him while she was cleaning. She couldn’t hold her tongue anymore before she walked closer to him and gave him a small nudge on his shoulder. ”Baal don’t make me beg,” she said looking at him, trying to understand.

As Buffy arrived, his face filled with dread as he blankly stared at the broken tv. Feeling her fingers on his cheek stung as the shame spread in him for what he had done. He closed his eyes and made a trembling exhale, unable to give her the explanation she wanted. He opened his eyes again as she started cleaning and moved his empty eyes to watch her but it was like he wasnt really looking at her, more just noticing her because she was the only thing that moved in the mess that he had created. He moved his eyes to the floor as she nudged his shoulder and made a pained expression as he lifted his hand to the middle of his chest and covered half of his face in his hand, sobbing quietly into it, yet he wouldnt cry. Crying would be a relief and he wouldnt have that for himself. “I lost control...” he mumbled in a pained tone as he felt now how unstable the artifact was making him. He rose to his feet and lifted the hand from his face out, like a warning for her to keep her distance. The marks on his arms had a slight glow to them like they were hiding hellfire under his skin and the mark burned in his open palm. “I killed a young girl and sent her friend to hell with her.. I was supposed to save them, but I made everything worse,” he then admitted with an empty tone as he straightened his back and exhaled, as he seemed to get oddly calm. “It’s calling for me again, the darkness... It has tasted the blood of the innocent and now craves more...” he then said as he moved his eyes away from her.

Buffy didn’t know how to react to all of this, so she just kept her hands busy as she cleaned up after him. She watched him as she nudged him and felt her heart break in two at the sight of his pained expression. His sob without tears scared her a bit, but she walked closer to him as he told her he had lost control. She tried taking his hand but he moved away, holding his hand out as a fair warning. His words made her swallow at the thought of what had happened but she stepped closer to him anyways. She grabbed his face between her hands and forced him to look at her. He could easily push her away, but she needed to look him in the eyes. She needed to see him just partly. ”What are you doing here then? If you are to save them then go to hell and bring them back,” she said looking him in the eyes. She felt her eyes with tears as she watched the demon she cared so much for seeming to slip into his darkness. She took his hand and placed it over her chest and leaned up placing a short kiss against his lips. ”I’m sorry, but I can’t stand seeing you hurt and feeling helpless about it,” she said and made sure he could feel her heart beating in her chest. ”Is there anything I can do?” she asked her hand shaking at what might go through his head. ”You want me to go to hell for you?” she asked, not even knowing what she was offering.

He didnt even attempt to relieve himself of her grip. He was was oddly motionless, following her movements like a puppet without the ability to think. He looked at her when she asked him why he didnt just get them back from hell. Just the thought of hell in his moment, made the marks light up a little brighter like fore dancing along the marked skin. He clenched his jaw and looked into her eyes with this broken look that had been nothing like the night he confessed to her, this was different, it wasnt heartache or fear, it was defeat.
“If I go back to hell, I’ll become consumed by the dark. There will be no way back for me, when I return” he then said as he turned his eyes to where her stake was attached, just staring at it. Feeling her heartbeat would have filled him with comfort in any other time, but now it just added to his dread, making him clench his hand to a fist as he closed his eyes. “I only have one last request,” he then said as he shook his head when she asked if he wanted her to go to hell for him.
He grabbed her stake and sat down on his knees as he grabbed her hand and forced the stake in her hands, pressing the pointy end onto his chest, feeling blood prickle down as it pierced his skin slightly at the force. He moved his eyes up to hers, “You promised me that you’d stop me” he then said. He felt bad for asking it of her, even to go as far as reminding her of her promise. It wasnt just that he had killed a couple of youngsters, it was more the fact that they had been his friends once but he barely noticed them as such when he saw them. The artifact had blinded him and he was too afraid of how it would make him see her. He wouldnt let himself hurt her if he could be stopped now.

Those broken eyes and his movements resemblind defeat. Buffy kept her tears back as she looked at him looking at her stake. She knew what he was going to ask before he had said it, and held her breath as he took the stake and sat down infron of her on his knees. She felt the wood in her hand and tears started to fall down her cheeks. She knew she had made that promise, but hadn’t he promised her something too. ”You’re breaking my heart,” she whispered, her hand shaking and taking it away from his chest. She tried to collect herself, but her tears kept falling. She couldn’t hold them back as she looked at the demon in pain. She lifted her free hand and caresssed his cheek gently, looking into those grey eyes and the small hint of green she loved so much. She sat down on her knees infront of him, looking at him through her tears and her small sobbing. Her throat hurt from just thinking of what he had asked her to do. She lifted her stake up to his chest. She had a promise to keep, and she knew this was how it had to be. The thought of a wild strong and dark demon of Baal was too much for the world at this point. She leaned forward and stopped her lips from hitting his as she looked him in the eye. ”Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse,” she whispered, quoting the Bible and placing a kiss against his lips, letting her stake push into his heart. Her tear kept falling, and she didn’t stop until the stake had pieced his heart. As she felt his life slip away she took his body, placing his hear in her lap as she cried in silence, touching his hair and closing his eyes when life had left them. A few tears fell on Baal’s face, but she whiped them away.

He looked at her with sad eyes as she reminded him of his promise, he closed his eyes and felt the tears press on, because she was right. It was wrong of him to leave her like this, but he was too scared of what could happen if he couldnt fight the evil in him. He only saw this as the only possibility, the only way for her to be safe and alive. He watched her sit down on her knees in front of him and lifted a hand like he was going to touch her, but right before his hand would feel her cheek, he pulled back. He couldnt touch her, because if he did he knew that a regret would spark in him and he was determined to go through with it. He shifted between her eyes as his were filled with sorrow, knowing that it was hard for her, hell it was hard for him too. A tear rolled down his cheek as she leaned forward, his eyes locked on hers as she whispered, feeling her soft lips on his for one last time as the stake pierced his skin, he frowned and grabbed her arms but he didnt stop her, it was more like he helped her. "I'll always watch over you," he whispered in a strained tone due to the pain.
The pain was unbearable, but so was leaving her, and he felt that he deserved it wholly. He clenched his jaw tightly as the stake hit his heart, making him gasp in shock at the sudden feeling of his life being drained from him. He closed his eyes and held back on his screams, he did all in his might to stay as silent as possible, just for her. His body limped as his life ended, and the marks started glowing fiercely in a glowing red. But the artifact wanted to return to hell, so his skin started turning grey like it had been burning, leaving her with a pile of ash in less than a second.

It was like she was dying herself, and she knew this kill had taken another part of her lifespan with it. She would have done it a milion times for Baal, but now sitting in these ashes made her cry louder. She hugged her arms around herself as she sobbed, trying to hold herself together. They had made a promise, and she ended with keeping hers and him breaking his. Her heart was torn arpart and her body couldn’t react as she just shook her shoulders crying. How long had she been sitting here? Crying out her soul until nothing was left but a dry throat and nothing but her unsteady breathing? Slowly she got to her feet and took her stake, placing it back in it’s holster, still weeping, but no tears coming out. She stood for a bit, looking at the mess of the apartment and then decided to leave the way she had come in, making sure to close the window after her and getting down to the street. Her body was shaking as she stumbled through the street.