The gaps and the silence

But she walked down the street, looking up at the gloomy sky as she took a sharper breath in feeling the tears blur her sight. Why was this even getting so hard? It wasn't supposed to be like this. She picked up her phone and dialed in Katelyn's contact, "hey, are you home?" Nicole held back a sob trying not to cry while on the phone, but her voice was so weak. "I will come by in a few -- I don't know how long it will take me to walk to be fair," she laughed a little choking a sob trying to escape. "I'm fine I promise, I'm just not feeling like myself, sorry," she tried to shake it off a little and took a deeper breath in, placing the other hand near her collarbone, feeling her throat tighten a bit.

Katelyn had used most of the day in the kitchen with Mila, making cookies, cakes, and whatnot. Just having a lovely day in, where they had been sitting outside savouring the labour of a good and hard day's work. Especially with the forest dying not far from here, it was much needed to get her mind off things, not being constantly reminded how it affected her and her powers. At least her father had started planting an entire gardening centre in his backyard, which helped—even though she could still hear and feel how the forest cried for help before it died, it slowly tore her apart. Not that she showed anyone; how could she? With everything else that was happening around her. If she was being honest, she just needed to get away, and even though she loved Roman and wanted nothing more than to ask him to take her away, she also knew that he was needed at home, having spent almost every waking hour of last summer and then the other half of the year with her. Neglecting his family in the process.

Then her phone rang, and she had been so quick to take it that it hadn’t even gotten to the second ring. “Hi!” she said with a smile, a smile that quickly died when she heard the voice of Nicole; “yeah, I’m home; what happened?” she wondered, feeling the need to take a sharp breath in “yeah, not going to happen, I’ll get my father, and we’ll pick you up, text me your coordinates, okay?” she said with a stern voice, not about to let Nicole wander all the way here, especially not when she sounded so lost and unhappy. Then she quickly got her father, who didn’t ask a question before he got his keys and kissed Irina goodbye before he and Katelyn walked to the car and started driving.

It didn’t take long before they found Nicole wandering the streets, Katelyn getting out and running towards her friend, pulling her into a hug. Her father could wait a few minutes while they hugged.

Nicole let out a sign, but send Nicole her location. Her legs felt so heavy she was getting a doubt of actually making if, if they didn't pick her up. She looked behind herself shortly wondering if she made the right call walking away, she had never walked away from Aleks before. They always figured things out, it was always him she came to if she was lost and looking for answers - not having expected getting lost where she was supposed to feel the safest. Nicole just kept walking down the street with a slower speed while her mind raced faster than the speed of light, drowning her with thoughts about everything.

She was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't even notice Katelyn coming running towards her, not till she was pulled into a hug that slightly puzzled her. "Hey," she cleared her throat, trying to pull herself together just at least a little bit, she had to be looking like such a mess. Nicole knew she should know better, appearance was everything, and here she was looking and behaving like this.

Katelyn released her arms from Nicole’s body, giving her a sad smile as she could see just how affected Nicole was by the whole ordeal. With a shaky breath, her hands found her friend's cheeks and gently stroked the soft and wet skin. “Hi, come, let's get you home”, she whispered, knowing that she could stay in Maya’s old room that wasn’t really used anymore, not after she had moved in with Howie; it had always been weird for Katelyn—because even though she and Maya hadn’t lived together for that long, it was still an empty feeling walking into the unused bedroom. Still, at least now, it could serve a purpose, and Nicole could have a safe place to stay while she figured things out with herself and Aleks. She guided Nicole to the car, ensured that she was safely inside before closing the door, and sat herself on the front passenger seat. Nigel looked in the rearview mirror and saw the young girl's state. Then he started driving back home, taking it easy now that they had gotten Nicole. There was no need to rush more than necessary.

She didn't say anything, it was so unlike her. Usually she was always up striking conversations, good at keeping a talk going even when you thought there was possible nothing to talk about. But her mind was so busy, it was clear in her eyes how the thoughts travelled back and forth with massive speed. Twisting every single one of them to a darker turn than they should. Nicole hated that, how dark her thoughts had gotten, and it took all her energy just to try fight the worst parts of them. But she felt betrayed. Not because of the lie itself, she could understand why Lara wanted to hide away, especially from her. It was how Nicole had ended up doubting herself, taking the issue in as her own fault and crushed herself with it - no one had stopped her. And then something had just broken in her, left her in despair rather than the hope. Nicole begged to herself that once she figured things out that she could get her hope back - because this version of herself made her sad, and she had no idea where to begin in even handling it. Scared that if she wasn't careful she would end up just as empty and twisted like the woman who had a hand in raising her. Finally the car parked, she hadn't even realized the time that had passed, but she blinked a little once the car stopped, and exhaled a little bit, "thank you - I hope its not too much trouble," Nicole forced her lips up in a smaller smile, but she truly did appreciate it, which was why even if it took effort to smile it still reached her eyes.