Eavesdropping

“Maybe?” that was all she managed to say before he cupped her face and leaned down. A small smile curled over her lips as his lips caught hers, and she happily returned his kiss. Her arms found their way around his neck by gently pushing through his, almost inviting him to pick her up so it wouldn’t be as hard for him to kiss her now that she was standing on the ground rather than on the bed where she had been the last time they had kissed. “I’m amazed you were able to know”, she whispered as she gently parted their lips, but not for long as hers found his again relatively fast.

She shook her head a little when he asked if it was anything in particular but knew right away that it was a lie. “Me ex showed up at me werk, fuddie that, turns ert his a bloody vampire*” she whispered before letting her nose glide over his jaw and let her lips press gently against his cheekbone right by his ear. “I just really need a distraction”, knowing it wasn’t fair, but she really needed it.

* My ex showed up at my work; funny that, it turns out he is a bloody vampire

Nonverbally he told him to pick her up, and as of right now, he didn’t know what would be the easiest, to carry her or to lean down, though there was something awkward about leaning down to her – even though it had its charm. He squatted down so it would be easier to lift her up and carry her. He squatted all the way down so she could place each let on the outside of his. His hands even removed themselves from her face to guide her legs. “Well, I could have read you wrong and been slapped instead,” he whispered back to her just as he lifted her up. As soon as she was up their lips met again. It made his heart beat faster and it was like something in him stirred. Maybe it was just because he was so attracted to her.

She shook her head, but just as he was about to accept it, she explained what was going on. Gently, he continued to stroke her hair as he could feel how her lips moved closer to his ear. She needed a distraction. It was an awful knife to feel get stabbed into one’s heart. He gave her a short, gentle kiss, just the same place where she whispered to him. One might be able to hear how his words tried to form but failed a couple of times before he managed to get the sentence correctly into his head. “I can do that,” he whispered softly even though it hurt so badly to know that he was just a distraction. Slowly, he started to undress her.

“As I would ever hit you,” she said with a silvery tone of voice, her legs were moved around his waist, and her arms pulled herself a little tighter to his chest, feeling how the heat started to form in her once more, so much for taking it slow. Still, it was hard to do that when your body complained when she didn’t feel his touch or warmth. When she wanted nothing more than to keep kissing him and feel how they formed around her own, for someone that had no idea what he was doing, he did it pretty well; at least she had no complaints and wanted only more of what he would be willing to give to her. The kiss intensified; she wasn’t sure if it had been her or him that had started it, how their tongues gently and tryingly began to dance over each other. Teeth sunk into the other lip, small soft moans and the sound of kissing filling the darkened room. The gently waves pushing the boat; she loved every minute of it, how could she not?

Maybe if he had told her, perhaps if she had been a little wiser and seen just how badly he had fallen for her, she wouldn’t have done this. Or at least in the back of her head, she wanted to believe that. But it wasn’t like she had promised him anything, not being upfront with what was going on, that she didn’t have time, and if he wanted her gone, he could just push her away and tell her to leave. But he wouldn’t do that, would he? No.
Her fingers found the bottoms of his shirt; everything went so slowly, even if her body was aching for a release; to feel something; she took it slow, letting her hands gently guide their own way over his skin before she pushed the shirt off his shoulder and down his arms. “I really want you”, her voice almost so brittle that it was falling apart, much like she was herself.

A low chuckle left Johan as she assured him that she wouldn’t hit him. Things went so smoothly. He got her into his arms, and everything just seemed got get intensified. It was getting warmer and warmer, and their breaths got heavier. Eventually, he pulled his lips away from her because this was getting to both heads. “I, uh…” he spoke very softly, “As much as I want to continue,” their breaths mixed, and he tried to keep himself from leaning into more kisses. “We should-” he didn’t even know how to fully complete his sentences. It was like everything in his head was turning again. “You-…God,” he let his lips meet hers again, filled with sweet passion, that certainly didn’t wish to stop, or just pause.

Her jacket was the first to go, and she got to work on his shirt. It was almost painfully slow, but as it was completely opened, her fingers glided over his body, pushing it off. It gave him pleasurable goosebumps. “Penny,” he whispered, feeling how it hurt when she said that, even though it should heat him up. His hands found her waist, pulling her a little closer to give her a soft, intimate kiss, filled with so much love. “I really want you too,” he whispered. Even though his voice didn’t really shake, he could feel how it wanted to. “I-” he sank a lump and his fingers slowly started to collect the dress in his hands, almost in a crawling motion. “I want you to feel good,” he spoke softly and truly. It clenched his heart to tell her those things, because he had this grand feeling that everything he said, was being put away, into a box where she didn’t care for them and didn’t think they meant something. When his hands had collected her dress in each side, he simply pulled it off her, leaning in to kiss her tenderly.

She nodded understanding, being just as out of breath as he was; this was pushing all the buttons and she wasn’t even sure what she was doing, as if her body was moving of its own will instead of what she would normally do. Everything so calculated and well thought out, and this, this had just been a spur of the moment, and yet she was so afraid she would do something that would end up ruining her chances with him because if she was being honest, she could already picture a future. A future that would freak most people out if they told you that, but also herself, because she had never seen that with anyone before.
“Yeah –“ she swallowed the lump in her throat, making it almost impossible for her to speak probably, “yeah, we should –“ she nodded, letting her tongue run over her slightly swollen lips. They were tingling in a way she had never tried before. Her eyes closed once more as he leaned forward, her hands left from behind his neck. Fingers into his hair, and the other slid down in his neckline, letting her fingers scratch over his skin by the nape of his neck and shoulder.

There was something so tender, almost sore in the way he spoke the nickname he had given her, more so when he told her that he wanted her to feel good. What was she supposed to do with that? A small gasp left her when she tasted the salt from tears that had started running down her cheeks. Not that she stopped kissing him; maybe she already knew. Perhaps she had always known how he had fallen for her; she should have known better. But some part of her had just liked it, not being the one getting her heart broken again, and here she was standing so afraid that he would push her away, that it could only mean that he meant something to her, something she was so scared to uncover, but still so desperate to figure out. She finally let go and let her forehead press against his, mainly because the tears didn’t stop forming and running down her cheeks. “I fin’ I’m broken, Felix”, she whispered before a small sob pushed through her nose and mouth, “I’m so scared that I won’t survive the day me mother dies” finally saying it out loud, it was both freeing and so incredibly painful.

A pleasured soft moan left him as he felt how her hands wandered over his neck and into his hair. It was so intimate, and he could barely keep his mind clear. “Daph-” he gave her a sorter kiss before he gently bit and pulled her lip. “I-” his words swallowed themselves, “This is really working me up,” he told her once again keeping himself from kissing her, even though right now, it was quite difficult, but if they were taking this further, he might be in need of some kind of release, and one of them wasn’t really appropriate, whereas the other was going against what they had just agreed on – but could that be changed already?

Even he could taste her tears, but he was honestly unsure whether or not it was his own, even though he wasn’t sure if tears had even left his eyes. Her forehead was pressed against his and he listened to her fragile voice. His nose gently ran along with hers and over the streaks of her tears. He wished to tell her she wasn’t, he was quite certain that it wouldn’t help anything if he said that. “Pen-” his arms wrapped around her trying to keep her warm now that he had undressed her so easily. “You have to,” he whispered to her. “You’ll make it,” he tried to assure her, tightening his embrace a little around her. “I’ll be here,” he gave her a small, tender kiss on the edge of her jaw, “I’ll do everything I can to help you through it,” he told her softly and gave her a tender kiss on her neck. “Please… Let me help,” he told her in the low voice.

She knew she should stop, or at least put down the breaks, she could hear it in his voice, feel it on him, but he wasn’t the only one getting worked up; she wanted this just as much as he. “Okay”, she whispered, letting her forehead press against his. She didn’t want to, and a small chuckle left her before a sigh overtook it “yeah, not that I want to, but I think, I think it’s better” then she unwrapped her legs so she would once again be down on the floor. “Bathroom was this way, right?” she said a little flustered, pushing some of her hair behind her ear; then she walked to the ladder and got up to the next deck on the boat; she turned and waited for Johan, so he could show her the rest of the way, even if she knew where the bathroom was after all.

She softly cried, feeling an oddly pleasure from every kiss he gave her. A pleasure she wasn’t sure she had been able to feel before. “I’m not sure I kna ‘a ter”, she whispered because she had no idea how she was going to let him in, or anyone in, at least not enough for them to be any help, “I’m afraid I’ll end up breaking your heart if I ain’t already” she mumbled turning her head so she could look into his eyes, then she leaned in and tenderly let her lips touch his, innocent at first, but then slowly she couldn’t stop herself from wanting more, and her small kisses turned a little more passionately.

He helped her getting down, but found it difficult to straighten up again, almost as if he did, things would change. She pushed her hair away from her face so gracefully – or at least that was what he saw with his rose-colored glasses. “Yeah,” he said clearing his throat a little before he followed her, gesturing upstairs. She followed, almost right behind her. He found it best to wait until she had gotten all the way up, so he wouldn’t have his head right up her arse. That might be a little too many boundaries to cross. He climbed up, and when he got all the way up, he gave her a small smile, and let a hand find her arm, wanting to take her hand. He did for a short moment, but when he heard how something sounded from Felix’s room, he looked towards it and the bathroom, “Sorry,” he whispered before he went directly towards Felix room to close the sliding door, making it all dark in there.
He licked his lips shortly, feeling a little ashamed if Daphne had seen any of it. Felix was almost used to it, even though the events had gotten rare ever since Felix had met Penelope. He turned and sent Daphne a kind smile before he gestured her to the bathroom which sadly was right next to Felix room. Hopefully the love birds wouldn’t be screaming and moaning while they were up here. As they entered the bathroom, he was quick to find a package of their storage toothbrushes and handed her a yellow one. “If you want, you can borrow Felix’s hairbrush,” he said and found it for her, “I, uh, I only have a comb,” he chuckled a little. Well, it might be the perk of having short hair, or maybe it wasn’t?

She didn’t know how to let him in. If he wasn’t already feeling the heartache, he did so now. He was about to tell her, that her theory was right, that she was breaking his heart already, but somewhere in this sick head of his, it didn’t matter. Of course, he would love for her to reciprocate the feelings he had, but no one could each other equally. He let his eyes rest on hers for a moment, only closing them when she leaned in to kiss him. As the kiss grew in intensity, the room darkened. It didn’t take a genius to figure that it was Johan who had just closed the door. “Lights off?” he whispered breathlessly against her lips. Who knew, maybe the darkness only made it worse. Maybe, she wanted to see him in the light, or maybe she felt too ashamed to actually look at him. There were many possibilities. He continued the kisses, and simply waited for a soft nod or shake with her head.

She shook her head with a small smile, he had no need for apologising, not that she had seen anything and if she had, it wouldn’t really have mattered; all bodies were different and still, was it really something to be embarrassed about, she was just a little amazed since he had thrown the other girl home, but maybe that had been the reason he had done it?
Stepping into the relatively small bathroom, given they were on a boat, she couldn’t help but feel how her heartrate picked up speed; “thanks”, she said as she took the toothbrush, he handed her, then a slight chuckle left her throat as he mentioned that she could borrow Felix’s brush because he only had a comb. “Think a brush is easier to navigate through this mane”, she joked before she put some toothpaste on the toothbrush and started brushing her teeth, trying as best as she could not to let her eyes fall back on Johan’s figure standing so close to her.

Penelope nodded her head when he asked if the lights should be off, not that she really cared, but she didn’t want to leave her right now. Her fingers kneaded into his hair as she pulled him a little closer, but she had to part their lips to get some air; breathing heavily through her mouth, she felt his warm breath mix with hers, just intensifying the feeling that was roaming in her body. Her hands left his hair to open his pants to get him out of them, then she moved toward the bed, and this time she placed herself on the bottom, gently pulling him along as she crawled slowly up the bed when she came to one of the small lamps beside the bed she fumbled with her hand and got it turned on. The light shone on their naked bodies; the tears streaked cheeks glistened in the nightlamp's low light.

Johan laughed a little at her joke. He understood very well. He had once tried to comb his sister’s hair through with his comb. That had been a nightmare. If he had to compare Daphne’s hair was so much thicker than his sisters. “I thought so,” he chuckled a little taking his own purple toothbrush and taking the toothpaste as soon as she was done with it. Shortly after he had started brushing his teeth, he thought it smart to find Felix’s hairbrush. “Umh,” he mumbled, “Can I?” he muffled with his toothbrush in his mouth, through foamed toothpaste, trying to walk past her so he could get to one of the cabinets so he could find the brush for her, not thinking much about how she didn’t need the brush right this second. It wasn’t the easiest to get past her, but with a little fiddling around, he passed her. It didn’t really help the flustered feeling he had had, and if they hadn’t already been that close and intimate, he might have found another way around. He found the hairbrush and pulled it out of the cabinet, pulling a  way too wide smile for that small ‘victory’. He could almost look a little goofy, standing there with a toothbrush, toothpaste foam, and a hairbrush.

The light stayed shut off and he followed her every single move, almost like a marionette. He could feel how the tension only grew between them, which only increased how much it actually hurt. He got out of his pants and moved with her, all the way into the bed. He hovered over her small body. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see how she fumbled with finding the light, which he assisted her to, turning the light on together. He could see how she had cried. His hand left the lamp and found her cheek, drying one of the streaks away. His light eyes studied hers for a moment, trying to figure out whether she was sure about this or not. Leaning down, his lips caught hers for a soft and tender kiss. “You’re breaking me,” he whispered before he let his lips meet hers again, slowly increasing the passion and intimacy.

She nodded when he tried to get something, and she was in the way, trying to shuffle around with him so he could get over to the other side; she simultaneously moved with him, hoping that it would give him enough space. When he found what he was looking for, she lifted her arm to show he was victorious, finding him oddly cute, standing there with a big grin filled with white foam from the toothpaste.
Yan moved over and spit out the toothpaste and then washed her mouth before getting up and taking a step back so he could do the same after she had taken the brush from him and gently started moving it through her hair, hoping she wouldn’t accidentally break it because it couldn’t keep up with her hair that was slightly more wild and thicker than Felix’s.

Now at first, his kiss was so wonderful; it made her feel things that she hadn’t before. Then he told her something that made her stomach twist in the most painful way, and as if someone tried to shatter her heart, pain pulsated through her body. Her hands pushed him lightly away, “I can’t, I’m sorry”, she whispered, feeling tears glide down her cheeks once more. “I can’t keep doing this to you” she wanted to get up, get out, go home. Something, anything; but not this, she couldn’t be breaking another person’s heart or soul. Anything but that.  

Daphne cheered with him about the victory, and shortly after they could spit out the toothpaste, he handed her the brush before he spat in the sink. As soon as he had spit out and washed his mouth seemingly clean, his eyes found hers through the mirror. He captured himself getting a little lost for a moment before he walked over to sit on the toilet. Usually, he had his routines, which he did quite casually, mostly because both he and Felix knew what was going on, but it was a little different now that he had someone spending the night. As soon as he sat down on the toilet lid, he could feel how he got a little tired. He found the things he needed to clean the last hearing aid. “I’m half-deaf for a moment,” he told her, just in case she was going to try and pull a conversation with him while he was going to clean it because in that case, she would have to gain his attention first. He pulled the hearing aid off and started to clean it to his best ability. He had gotten quite used to it now.

She pushed him lightly away and started to tell him that she couldn’t do this and that she was sorry. “Hey, Pen, we don’t have to do this,” he said, looking down between them to be sure that when he moves his legs away from hers, so he wouldn’t accidentally kick or harm her in any way. He laid down next to her, looking back up at her, and wrapped an arm around her to pull her close, simply to hold her. “We can just rest?” he offered, somewhat scared of letting her go home alone. “You can lay here. Feel safe, hm?” he offered.

“All right,” she said with a smile before turning to look inside the mirror while she brushed her hair, giving him the privacy to clean his hearing aids without her staring, as it had seemed like it had been a sore topic for him.
She took her time with her hair, and even though she hadn’t taken any of his elastic bands with her, she started to braid her hair so it would be somewhat done for when they went down to his room again. She liked how comfortable it felt that she didn’t need to say anything to make it less awkward. By now, she shouldn’t get surprised with how relaxed and at ease she felt in his presence, but she couldn’t help it, especially when it wasn’t something she found natural with someone else, always on edge or something alike.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to do this, but he couldn’t tell her that she was breaking him and then expect her to want to continue. Then he tried to smooth out the situation by telling her that they could just lay back and feel safe, but how could she do that when she knew she was breaking him in the process. “Ya can’t tell me that I’m breakin’ ya, and then expect me ter stay” she choked back a sob and got out of his arms, her arms folded around her chest as she got up in a seating position. She wanted to go, but something told her that she also needed to stay so that they could talk about this. It was better if she said goodbye probably, and then he could be heartbroken, than him staying and believing that he would be able to change the way she felt because she wasn’t even sure she knew what she felt, if she could even feel anything at all.

He managed to clean his hearing aids, only glancing up at her occasionally to pick up whether or not she was staring at the process. But she had guessed right, it was a sore topic for him. When he had it all sorted out, he threw any gunk out in the toilet and put it back in before he got up and found her an elastic band from Felix’s cabinet. What that boy didn’t have. Without even asking, he took her braid to finish it off and tie it with the band. He walked down first, mostly to help her when she got down, sometimes, it could be difficult with the last steps if you didn’t know them in and out as Felix and Johan did. “I’ll just find some pillows and a duvet,” he said, giving her the shirt again while he went to his closet to find a pillow and duvet which were already made ready for use putting them on the bed.

She wiggled herself out of his arms, and he let her, following up in the sitting position, “Pen,” he said softly putting a hand on her elbow while she hugged herself. “I can mend,” he spoke softly and turned himself a little more towards her, “I’m okay,” he told her calmly. “Let me take care of you,” he said softly. “I can see how all of this is bugging you,” he looked towards his hand before he looked back up at her. “And you really need some comfort,” he said and with the other hand, let his hand find towards her neck. “You deserve that,” he said softly. He wanted to comfort her so badly, because seeing her this unhappy was probably worse than her actually breaking his heart.

Her eyes closed the minute he took her hair in his hands and started to braid it; she thought that she might have it with people touching her hair, as he had it when she touched his back. Then she walked with him back to his bedroom, watched how he went down first and then followed along; a short chuckle left her as she almost missed a step at first, but he was there to catch her, almost as if he had known. “Sounds good”, she hummed and then started to take off her clothes, so she was ready for bed. Making sure her back was turned in his direction, she finally unclasped her bra and pulled on his t-shirt, letting out a soft sigh after being free of the monstrosity; when the bed was ready, she carefully crawled under the covers. Once again, she could feel her heart pick up speed as she watched how he got down beside her. How could one suddenly forget how to go to bed and fall asleep? Well, right not, it felt like she had.

She tried to hold back the sob that crawled through her throat but wasn’t able to hold it back. His words were heartbreaking in themselves; she didn’t understand why he would put himself through that; for her, why? She didn’t understand why.
Her hand found his cheek as her body slowly twisted around, sniffling a little before she leaned in and gave him a soft kiss against his lips. “I really do loike ya”, she whispered before kissing him again, not minding how her tears mixed with their small kisses this time. She moved around, so her front was more turned towards him, but her hands didn’t move away from their place against his cheek and behind the nape of his neck. “Which scares me so much”, her voice filled with emotion finally explained.

He did his best to keep his eyes to himself, but sometimes it was a little difficult when he had to turn around and put the things on the bed. He only just got to see a few beauty marks. He closed the closet again and pulled his shirt off while she got under the covers. It felt odd to take his pants off in front of her, and that he had to put his pants somewhere else and afterward walk back to the bed. He had to remind himself not to slouch;  it was so easy to do. He laid down beside her and as soon as his back hit the bed, his heart started to beat, so much that he could feel his pulse in his throat. He didn’t manage to lay on his back for long before he turned to face her. It took a moment before words managed to get out of his mouth,  “Do you want to cuddle?” as soon as the words had left his mouth, he felt so odd for saying that. Didn’t people just go for it? Wasn’t it what Felix usually did?

Every sob was heard and when she turned towards him and kissed him, he reciprocated it tenderly. She let her speak her words and let the hand that wasn’t caressing her find the top of her shoulder as she gave him a few more kisses. He didn’t mind the tears. He opened his eyes a little as she told him how it scared her. “It’s okay to be scared,” he whispered to her, feeling a lump in his throat. “We don’t have to figure anything out yet,” he spoke softly, kissing her again. “We can enjoy each other’s company for now,” he said and let his nose rub shortly and gently against hers in an Eskimo kiss. He opened his eyes and let his lips catch one of the tears on her cheeks.

She turned her head as he asked if she wanted to cuddle; a shy smile formed on her lips, and she nodded; with no words, she pushed herself further down the duvet and turned so she could place her arm over his chest and her head nestled by the curve of his arm and shoulder. That was when she remembered that he might be more comfortable without his hearing aid in. She got up by pushing herself up on her elbow and looked down at him. “If you are more comfortable with them out than in, you should take them out,” she said with a soft smile before leaning down and giving his cheek a gentle kiss.

“I would like that”, she whispered, chuckling a little as a tingle formed over her body as his nose rubbed against hers. Their eyes opened almost simultaneously and a soft smile formed over her lips, but just as he leaned in, her eyes fluttered closed again, letting a soft gasp left her lips. She leaned in and kissed his lips instead, moving closer to him, almost crawling as she did. Her hands found his hair, pulling softly at it hoping to spark some sort of reaction from Felix, hopefully not filled with heartbreak as it had done before.

She got closer to him and wrapped herself around him. He had wished to take his hearing aids off before she got too comfortable, but it was almost as if she knew herself and only laid there a second. “I’m on it,” he whispered to her as she told him he could just take his hearing aids out. As she leaned down to kiss his cheek, something fluttered in him that he was certain he hadn’t felt to the same degree at any time this night. Something about how they moved and acted, just made it seem like they had already gone into a relationship, based on the chemistry and attraction that had been there immediately. It was dangerous feelings that evolved within him. It just felt so safe to be with her. With a well-known movement, he removed his hearing aids with one hand and reached a little over and behind his head to put them on the small night table before he wrapped an arm around her and got comfortable. He gave her a small smile, blinking slowly, hoping it would get him tired, but his heart just stayed beating against his chest.

She kissed him back a moment after he had caught her tear with his lips. She got closer, and he had to lean a little back as she almost crawled over him. A short hum left him as she pulled his hair a little. With one hand behind him to support him, he guided one of her legs to the opposite side of his, so she was sitting on his lap. He leaned more towards her, so his hands could find her sides, holding her with a grip that was filled with passion, and not to be forgotten, love.

She got a little up so he could better move around; making sure she wasn’t in the way was the least she could do. Once again, her eyes quickly found something else to focus on, not that she minded him wearing them, nor that he was almost deaf. She found it both charming and intriguing, but she wasn’t sure he would like it if she told him that.
When he was done, and he wrapped an arm around her, she gave him a big smile; even though she liked it very much, it wasn’t really what she had in mind for the two of them. Instead, she guided him with her hands to lie on his side, and then she turned, so she could let her hand softly caress his back while he was trying to fall asleep.

She tried not to mind how he held her, what the woke inside of her chest because right now she couldn’t handle it, but she wasn’t sure what she would do if she pushed him far enough away and she would actually end up losing him. Maybe that was why she was so scared, that she would actually end up not being able to see him again because she had broken so much that he didn’t want anything to do with her.
As the thoughts started to swirl in the back of her head, she pushed them away, letting their kiss become more intense, filled with feelings as her fingers dug deeper into his hair.

Even though he thought she was satisfied, he wasn’t allowed to rest for long before she guided him to lay on the side, which he did. She herself turned and her arm wrapped around him, caressing him. It made him hum softly. With not much thought, he let one hand find her hair. For a moment, he had forgotten she had her hair braided, and was about to stick his hands into her hair only to let a soft huff leave him as the braid reminded him, so instead, he let his hand glide over her hair a few times before he let it stop. “Goodnight,” he mumbled, still humming a little. The only way he would know if she replied, was if her breath could be felt in uneven patterns on his own skin.

He had this idea, that she still needed the distraction that she had come for, but the thought of simply giving her the pleasure that she so deeply nonverbally told him she wanted, was covering the other. One of his hands found to her chest, while the other glided down her back and underneath her, quite close to some of her most private areas. He would only be waiting for her consent before he would let them explore her as they had done before.

She crawled a little closer, letting her head press against his chest when he said goodnight; she hummed, so he could feel her vibration by his sternum, knowing she was saying goodnight to him too, but without doing it with words, he couldn’t hear either way.
It was amazing how quickly she actually managed to fall asleep, nestled in his embrace, far too close than she would normally ever let anyone get when she was trying to sleep. But there was just something about it that calmed her in such a way that it didn’t take long before she drifted off.

Soft moans left her as his hands started to explore her body; she felt how she both tensed up and relaxed all the same in his hands. She knew she wanted it, but there were still those thoughts and voices in the back of her head that wouldn’t leave her be.
She moved her lips away, pressing her cheek against his with a soft sigh “we daan’t ‘ave ter do this; we can just cuddle if ya would prefer that,” she whispered, not wanting to push the limits just because he thought this was what she wanted and needed, and nothing else. “I promise I’ll even stay ter breakfast”, she chuckled, knowing last time she had spent the night, she had left so fast that he hadn’t even been able to get a proper talk.

He felt how she hummed and believed it was a way to say goodnight to him too because he couldn’t feel her jaw move, as it would have done if she had spoken. He laid comfortably with her in his arms, and it didn’t take long before he could drift off with her.

The sounds she made almost put a band-aid over everything else that was going on in his head, besides from what they were doing right now. However, the band-aid was ripped off when she pressed her cheek against his, breaking the kiss. His breathing had already taken effect of the few embraces. His eyes were closed while he thought for a moment. When she added that she would be staying for breakfast the expression on his face eased, and a smile spread over his lips. “Okay,” he spoke softly, and his hands found their way around her. He had seemed quite okay with the offer, and probably just had to slow a bit down. His closeness could possibly be enough. He leaned back with her until his back hit the mattress. When they laid down, he caressed her back gently and gave her a small kiss next to her ear, “Are you comfortable?” he whispered.

She nodded, but even though she was comfortable, she still lifted her head and moved so she could place herself in the corner of his right arm, her head placed on his chest. Now she was comfortable, feeling the warmth of his body next to hers as her eyes looked straight ahead. She wanted to say something, maybe explain herself? But nothing left her lips even though a million thoughts and sentences moved around in her head. She still wanted to tell him that they would never work, that he would only end up hurting him further. That she was broken, and she would probably never be able to love the way other people loved. Maybe the words didn’t leave her because she was sure he would just argue that she was too young to think that, but sometimes you just knew, and one thing she was sure of was that Felix deserved so much better than her.  It hadn’t helped that she had seen Blaise, the rage of emotions that had gone through her body that day was still like a storm brewing inside her, and one day she would crack. But right now, she tried to be in the presence and enjoy the company and comfort of Felix.

Felix let her get as comfortable as possible. He let her move around and made sure her hair wasn’t going to be pulled anywhere. His arms wrapped around her, with no thought of going anywhere further, but simply letting her get some closure, even if he received a closure that wasn’t reciprocated similarly. His own eyes were closed, so he was extra aware of his own body, and he could feel how her eyelashes felt on his chest, even if it wasn’t a lot. She hadn’t closed her eyes. His arm caressed her gently, hoping it could calm down whatever she was thinking. Hoping it could put a lid on it, and just let her feel safe for a moment. “Close your eyes, Penny,” he whispered. “We can make it till the morning,” he continued, breathing slowly and hoping it was going to transfer to Penelope so she could get some rest too.