Two souls connected now so far apart

Dedicated to @JJ

Date | 14th of April 2022
Time | Early noon
Weather | Nice but a little chilly
Surroundings | No one really, a nice spot in the forest
Attire | A flowy Spring dress and bare feet, her hair curly and hanging around her shoulders

___________________________

These couple of months had brought a lot of old faces and new faces alike. Not that much had really happened for the old nature spirit, one day had just taken another and she had lived her life almost as if nothing had happened at all. Because in all, nothing had, besides the fact that Malcolm wasn’t really coming around anymore, and when her days like today weren’t filled with busy hospital hallways, she felt unusual empty. Which might have been the reason why she had found her way to this particular place in the forest near Moonlight Falls. Her fingers glided over the engraving in the tree, it was so incredibly cheesy “W+J” with a heart around it. A soft chuckle left her, and she remembered how she had reprimanded him for doing it. They had been so happy, until he had decided that they shouldn’t be together. Choosing his family over her, she understood why however - but the feeling of being with him, someone that could be close to her, and she knew that it was true love. That had been something she would forever cherish.
Something stirred behind her, and she looked over her shoulder, quickly enough to see the figure of him. “Jonathan?” she called, knowing he preferred the name instead of his real one. Willow quickly started moving towards she had seen him. “Jonathan!” she called again, almost in a desperate tone as she kept searching for him. Maybe it was just her own mind playing tricks on. her which was why she stopped running and just stood there looking like a lost girl.

Now, it wasn’t everyday that you beat up a drunk dude who had shouted ugly things at you. And this day was not the day for JJ. He had tried to but failed miserably. Blood was had been running from his nose and he had missed when he had thrown a fist and hit a brick wall instead. He envied the strength that other species could have sometimes. As soon as he had caught some blood in his hand he had teleported away and into the endless paths. He was going to visit his parents, or at least that was the plan. His blood had splattered onto his white shirt. On his way, he had looked towards that tree but this time, something was different. Someone was looking at the engraved heart with the initials. Someone who looked so much like-
Jonathan? His heart skipped several beats and he moved away from the spot he had been standing by. His stomach was turning. She yelled his name again and this time  he stopped up and placed a hand against a tree while he leaned forward to throw up – revealing where he was. God he wasn’t that presentable with puke and a bloody nose. He had forever regretted that he hadn’t chosen Willow, because he had been so happy with her, and now…. Everything was in ruins.

She stood there for a moment, trying to listen if she could hear footsteps and just as she was about to turn around and walk back, she heard someone gurgling, which she had to categorise as the sound one made when they were throwing up. With slow step she started moving towards the tree that she saw him again. Leaned over and his hand around his stomach. “Jonathan” she whispered, walking a little closer, she didn’t mind the smell nor how it made him look. If anything, it only made her worried. “Oh Jonathan” she said with a voice so deeply soaked in sadness to see him like this. “Look at me, please” she asked, as her hand found his cheek and softly turned it towards her, tears were already forming in her eyes as she saw how his nose had been broken. “I see that you haven’t stopped being you” she tried to joke, knowing he had always been one to push people over their boundaries which ended him in situations like these.

With or without the puke, tears had spilled from his eyes. He dried his lips with his jacket as he heard her. Some blood even got onto the jacket. He shook his head a little. He could feel that his stomach tried to twist and turn itself to get everything out, but it was unable to. He closed his eyes tightly as he heard her with such a sad voice. He didn’t want to sadden her more than he had already done. He had such a bitter taste in his mouth. A bitter, bitter taste of regret.
She didn’t have to do much to make him look up at her. He inhaled sharply not wanting to be seen like this. Why couldn’t he just look like someone who didn’t regret every single day of his life? “Oh, stop,” he laughed a little dryly and looked away feeling a bit of pain in his chest. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, still not with his eyes on her. He closed his eyes for a moment and turned his nose towards the ground.

Her lips twisted into a small smile as he laughed, that was all she really wanted. For him to be happy, which was why she had never been mad at him. Heartbroken? Yes, she had been absolutely shattered by the thought that she would never see him again, that he had pushed her away when they had been so happy together. But that didn’t equal to hate. “You have nothing to say sorry for” she insisted letting her fingers find their way underneath his chin and raised it up so he would look into her eyes instead.
For a moment she just stood there, and then she moved her hand away and let her arms fold around him instead. She didn’t care about the vomit or the blood. “I missed you so much, just give me a moment, then I’ll let you leave again” she chocked back a sob as she pressed her cheeks against his, but not even that was enough, so she ended up burying her face into the crock of his neck being very careful of not letting her lips touch his skin. Now that she wasn’t his anymore, it would be dangerous if they did.

He shook his head a little as she told him not to be sorry. It pained him, because he had regretted it so much. He had never been as happy as when he had been with her. Ever since he had chosen the family over her, things had gone downhill. Everything had been terrible. One could even see it on his body. When he had been with Willow back then, he didn’t even have a scar, from anything, and now, it would be a challenge to find a spot where it didn’t have scars. He was one big scar. He looked into her eyes as she made him look up. Her beautiful, beautiful eyes. He felt completely enchanted. It was unfair.

He didn’t mind that they just used a little moment to just take each other in. There were a lot to take in. She wrapped her arms around him, and he held his breath in surprise. He listened to her and felt so weak. Very slowly his arms wrapped around her, almost afraid that it was just some mean illusion. But he could feel her. Her arms around him, his arms around her, her head against his neck. “Please don’t leave me,” he whispered and tried to tighten his grip around her.

She sank into his arms and completely moulded into his small frame, was he even eating enough? Her guess would be no, otherwise he would feel different. It only broke her heart further, the only reason why she had left, had been because she had thought that his family would take care of him, that the new mate he would get, would be more suited for him.
A small, chocked sob left her as he asked her not to leave, it was almost to cruel that she was to stand here with him without being able to kiss him, to feel him like they had once done. But she did as he and tightened her grip further. “I’m here, I’m here” she repeated herself and felt how her tears was sliding down her cheeks.

He wanted to tell her she shouldn’t cry because of any of this. It was his stupid doing. He was the reason behind it all. He had been the one who had decided. It burned in him to caress her like he used to and make her feel perfectly good. Unstoppable. “Thank you,” he whispered when she repeated that she was there. He turned his head to take in her scent. Tears glided down his cheeks and ended in her hair. “I have missed you too,” he whispered and pulled a tiny bit away so he could look at her. He placed a hand on her cheek and slowly dried of the tear with his thumb. “I still love you,” he whispered and leaned in to place a gentle kiss against her cheek, being careful of her lips. Even though he wanted it to be a fragile and soft moment a choked sob left him as he pulled a pained grimace and let his head find her shoulder again. “I am so sorry,” he choked on his words again. Nothing was going to get that regret away from him. He could have lived such a happy and painless life if he had simply… Simply run off. “I have never loved anyone as I have loved you,” he whispered through his rough quite voice.

A small laugh of joy left her, even if it was almost masked by the sobs that was still in the back of her throat. But when he took her face in his hand and turned it to face him, she hoped, just for a moment that maybe, just maybe he could kiss her. And when his lips found her cheek instead of her lips, she had to close her eyes and with that, tears spilled over her slightly red cheeks from the cold that seeped up through her bare feet.
She hadn’t felt the type of touch that he had given her since he had found her and told her about that she was his mate. She had refrained from kissing with anyone, and how she yearned for that intimacy that came with it.
Her lips pulled back and she tried to keep her pain from being expressed. How it pressed down on her chest and almost made it impossible for her to breathe. There was a part of her that wanted to run off now, only because it was so incredible painful to stand there and wish for something that couldn’t happen. But she stayed, simply because she had promised him a moment ago. But while she had spoken so much before, she was completely quiet now, as tears kept running down her cheeks and her arms pulled him a little closer. Hoping that in some way it could ease her from
Throbbing sting pulsating through her body.

He could hear how it made her a little happy when he spoke about how he felt.
JJ’s arms wrapped closer around her as he felt how she did the same. It was painful to stand in each other’s arms after such a long time, and how they couldn’t do as they had used to do. His hands clenched around the dress that she wore. “I wanna do everything over,” he sobbed quietly before he shook his head a little, shaking off bad ideas. “I can-” he took a sharp breath in as he suddenly thought that maybe she had met another. Maybe she had been lucky. Luckier than him. He had honestly believed that he had been lucky at first. Even been granted Lara twice… Clearly, he had just been a fool. A fool for love. Because even now when he wasn’t bound by the mark he knew he loved Lara, but she would never want him.

But his love for Willow was superior, and the thought of her being with someone else broke his heart.

He loosened his grip and turned his mouth towards her ear “Have-have you moved on?” he whispered carefully.

Her throat bobbled as he started to speak, telling her that he wanted to do everything over. Could they even do that when she wasn’t his mate anymore?
Then he spoke again, but quickly stopped his own words. He could what? She wanted to ask but was too scared to hear what he had thought he could do. What it would cost in the end and if it would only give her false hope. Feeling how his hands clenched around the fabric of her dress making her press her eyes closer together, almost as if she was trying to press memories away from her mind, which she was. Because she was scared if she plunged herself into the sea of what had been, she wouldn’t be able to swim back to the surface.
Her breath hitched and she couldn’t keep back the small breathy moan as he whispered into her ear. It really had been a long time since she had been this close to anyone. At least while she had been this state of mind, almost as if she turned into a predator when standing close to a target. Which it funnily was, it was the darker side of her, the one that had tasted the sweet nectar that the dark from wonderland had given her. But her, no, she hadn’t moved on.
She slowly shook her head and used all her willpower not to turn her head as well. “I don’t, I don’t have anyone no - I tried, but it never worked out” she whispered, which was the truth. At least she could give him that. The truth.

The small moan that left her had a longing effect on him. He truly wanted to be with her, in any way possible, and to some extend he wondered how much would change if he actually just did it. Kissed her.  How much would it change how he was? He felt how she shook her head which made his lips quiver into a smile. Of course, he wanted her to be happy, but on the other hand? He wanted to be with her more than anything, and if she had moved on, it would be false hope for him, which had been the sole reason why he didn’t want to let all his crazy ideas loose. There was no use of trying to fix something which couldn’t be fixed. But this… This could be fixed.

“I’m sorry for you,” he mumbled. “I can fix it,” he whispered. “I’ll fix my mark. I promise you,” he whispered almost breathlessly. He continued to clench onto her dress. “Then everything can be as they were,” he insisted.

“Don’t be” she tried to say when he told her that he was sorry for her, because even if she hadn’t found the loved that she had looked for, for so long. She still had friends, she had a good life and she had something to get up for in the morning. So, it couldn’t be all that bad now could it?
I can fix it. She held her breath for a moment. “How?” she asked him, moving a little away letting her hands find his cheek, moving her hands so she cupped his face, and her fingers slightly running into his hair. She saw how blood had pooled around his nose and how sorry he looked, pitiful almost as he looked at her with tears running down his face. This wasn’t how she wished to see him, not that it took away what she had seen before, how beautiful he looked to her.
“I’m so sorry things didn’t work out for you” she whispered, letting her thumbs grab a couple of his tears and slowly removed them as a painful smile formed over his lips. “I truly hoped that you would be happy after we had to part, that was all I ever wished for you, for you to be happy - but you and I both know that it is near impossible for things to be as it were, if your name on your collarbone isn’t mine anymore” she blinked feeling the pain spread in her heart as she had to choke back a sob. “Then I’m just not yours anymore, and you can never really be mine” her voice came out as a small whimper, because she had hoped that he would just tell her that she was still on his collarbone, that he had never changed it but just sent her away. But of course he had, because he deserved someone better than her.

She didn’t want him to be sorry for her, but he was, even though he didn’t know whether or not she had someone who loved and appreciated her on another scale. JJ was just so used to being alone. He might only have Kaleen as the only one who might be interested in JJ’s presence, but that might only be because of the wonderland link there was. Not even Nicole wanted him nearby. Who else was left that wasn’t blood? None. But that wasn’t bad, was it? He had lots of people who was linked to him by blood and that was a good think? Family always cared for one another, correct? Like that one time where… Or maybe-

How would he fix it? That was a very good question. He had no idea. “My sister and her daughter they- they can help,” he assured her, without even knowing. Or maybe Primrose knew someone who could change matemarks? Or maybe he would just have to kill Lara. Now, it wasn’t a thing that he wished to do, no. He never liked killing people he liked. People he had begged to love him.
The simple touch of Willows hands, cupping his face, being in his hair was enough for his heart to melt and almost mend the wounds in it. It felt like every knife that had been put in his back throughout the years were being pulled out. Erased.
The light smile from the feeling of mending was being lessened as she spoke again. He felt like time stood still as she spoke. It was like he saw his life pass by him. Every fucking bastard that had made his life difficult. Everyone who had made him regret what he had done even more. Leaving Willow only to be beat up, thrown across a room, stabbed by his mate and what not. The list was long. He could even be certain that he had been sacrificed for a blood ritual once and revived that way, but he was unsure because he lost consciousness. It made his blood boil and his heart ache. That day. That choice. That had been the worst thing ever. He couldn’t even think about how happy he would have been if he had flipped of his family.

His mouth made small words form silently as she spoke about how things were near impossible. “No, no, no,” he finally got out as he heard her chocked sob. He felt like everything was slipping out of his fingers, like sand.. “No, don’t say that,” he begged and let his hands cup her face, not even thinking about the dried blood on his hands. “I- I can be yours, please, I-” he shook his head trying to fight every argument that was trying to knock down the hope he had. “I can get it changed, Willow please. I won’t live without you. I-I” he felt like every bone was crumbling. “I won’t stop, till you’re mine and I’m yours,” he spoke very softly but truly tried to lift the mood and be inspiring. Hopeful.

Her hands found his wrist as he cupped her face. Hearing him plead like that was enough to almost make her kiss him right there and then. But she didn’t; she knew better than that. “We’ll figure it out, okay?” she whispered with a soft voice giving him a small smile as she moved her hands from his wrists towards his cheeks once again. There they were, standing like two old star-crossed lovers. Meant to be together in another time.
“Do you have somewhere you can go?” she wondered, looking down at how he looked again. “You should get some rest, clean up and then we’ll find each other again – but you need rest”, she said with a soft smile, feeling how the nurse in her almost overtook her. Leaning back, she let out a small sigh; she wished she could use magic. Take away the blood and send him on his way. But sadly, it wasn’t in her power to do so, even if she was rather formidable in her own way.

He nodded, though he felt like his whole being was being shattered for every second that he knew that she wasn’t his right now.
He blinked a little as she asked if he had somewhere to go. He had, but maybe he shouldn’t go there if there was hope for him and Willow. He could go somewhere else. Bentley and Anthony might not wish him welcome but Antionette, yes he could co to her and explain his idea, getting assured that it was possible to make him hers, and her his. He gave a silent nod as she told him he needed rest and to be cleaned up. “Wh-where can I find you?” he wondered not wanting to let fully go of her before he was certain that it was possible for him to find her again.

Where could he find her? She let out a soft chuckle. “I’m no further away than the nearest forest,” she explained, restraining herself from letting her lips kiss his cheek. So, her hand found it instead and softly caressed it. “Just call for me, and I’ll find my way to you,” she said, because how many nights hadn’t she been sitting by the waters waiting for the leave to rustle his voice to her, letting her know that he was looking for her. But he never came, and in the end, she had to stop waiting and move on with her life. Maybe that was why it was so easy to believe that he had finally come to her, that it would be different this time. “I have to go now, and you should get some rest” she chuckled softly, removing her hand, and in a last gesture, she took both of his hands. Her eyes closed, and with the power from the forest, it lent her the strength to heal the wounds and aching pain that he was going through. “Don’t forget me”, she said before letting his hand go, and as if the forest had swallowed her, she disappeared.

____
Out

A quivering smile left him as she told him how to find her. “Okay,” he replied already feeling an aching pain from the thought of her leaving. He shook his head at first when she said she had to go, but then switched to nodding, knowing she truly had to. He squeezed her hands for a moment as she had taken them in hers. He could feel how she let herself heal him and relieve him of his pains. “I never will,” he replied just in time to see her vanish. Tears sprung from his eyes, and he fell to his knees. He would have to rest a little, right here, before he went anywhere.