Oh god, what have I done [CW]

DATE | 17th June 2021
TIME | after 22 pm
WEATHER | Light drizzle, but warm
ATTIRE | outfit | no shoes



Everything was dark, she couldn’t see, and pain was burning through her body like someone had set fire to her blood. She wanted to scream, but somehow found the strength to just start whispering, murmuring incohesive words until she finally got words to form even as she stuttered them out; “w-w-what is h-h-happen-n-ning?”
“Sssssh” The voice shushing her wasn’t very friendly or harsh, but it was clear that it didn’t care for her talking right now. She was swimming in her thoughts and had no idea where she was. Had she overdosed? No, she had started getting out of it since she had figured out that Diego had a child. The small voice in her head had told her that she would never have a change if she couldn’t get her act together. But then what? A scream left her lips over the agonizing pain that bubbled through her body, she felt sweaty and overall, just like she was catching the worst kind of sickness ever. Which shouldn’t be happening with her werewolf blood in her veins.

Wait, what was over her head? She tried to grab at the cloth that was covering her head only to find out that she was bound on her hands. “Remember we are watching you” she didn’t even get to ask what that meant before the ropes were removed and the blackness became bright shining light from the lamppost, was it dark? Then she felt a push and next thing she knew was sharp pain on her hands as she took the fall on the asphalt. A cry left her lips as she curled into a ball and then she heard the car drive away. She looked around, were, was she? Slowly getting up from the ground blood dripping down her fingers from the cuts on her hands. “H-h-h-“ trying to say hallo when she was so confused, scared and out of it wasn’t possible with her tongue not letting the words form.

After a while she started walking, she wasn’t wearing any shoes, yeah that was right she was wearing flip flops, she had been at home, right? Her bloody hand took to her forehead as she tried to remember but the flashes just made her groan in pain again.

Danica looked up with a startle as familiar smells formed around her, wait was this Ellison Avenue? No! She couldn’t be here, but as she tried to turn around her legs collapsed under her. How long since she had been sleeping? She couldn’t remember, but after sleeping with Diego it had become worse when she had been alone. So, it might be that she was on seventy-two hours at this point.

A scent came closer, and Danica recoiled to get away, as it reminded her of Diego, he would be so mad if he saw her here. She wouldn’t be able to take it, no more anger, no more hate towards her, no more.

She quickly got up on her legs as she tried to turn away, when a woman voice caught her by surprise and she turned around and looked at her, she was a little fuzzy, blurry was maybe a better word? Danica let her raw fingers, that was filled with blood from the still bleeding hands. Having her kind of sickness meant that blood didn’t clot at it should.
Are you okay the soft spoken voice had asked her and almost tipping over she pressed her hand towards the land post nearest her and then shook her head “I need, to get to the hospital I think” she whispered stuttering and put a hand around her stomach and made an agonizing sound as she buckled over by the pain “Yeah, something isn’t right – everything hurts” she closed her eyes and sat down on the pavement, she needed to get out of here. “Which way, is the hospital again?” she asked looking up at the woman standing in front of her, she knew where she was because of the familiar smells, but she couldn’t really remember where she needed to go.

She made a small chuckle about the stubbornness of the woman “You sound like my sister” she mumbled a little out of it, it calmed her a bit even as she didn’t want to be here, she needed to get away from the street, away from his smell. But it was still enough to subdue some of her stuttering keeping it at a minimum.
“I just remember –“ she looked a little out of it as she tried to remember what exactly had happened, new flashes. “I was getting off work I think or maybe I was at home? I remember, pain and then, a voice, someone kicking me out of a car?” she mumbled pressing fingers towards her face again just wanting it to end. “I’m so tired though” she whispered and didn’t even hear if she wanted an ambulance to be called or not. She just wanted to sleep, and the pain to go away. She tried to press a little away from the lamppost “It’s fine, I’m fine, I probably just overworked, or I need to wake up” she didn’t even know this woman, and this could just be a very bad dream for all she knew. There was a reason for her insomnia and sleep paralyses, vivid dreams always about her being killed or hunted down. So, this seemed right up that ally, she was just dreaming.

Who was she talking to, she heard to voice on the mobile and her eyes became big, what this Elena? She wasn’t dreaming, but that meant, as soon as Elena clicked the end button Danica closed the distance between them and put her hand around the woman’s arm and pulled her a little closer, she was sure not to hurt her it wasn’t like she wanted to hurt anyone to begin with. “Please, I can’t be here, I just need to get home” she whispered not wanting to see Diego, not like this, because every fiber in her body wanted to see him, but not like this and she had to get better, this was not better. But it was too late because as soon as she said the word’s she hit the lamppost with her head and sank to the ground like someone had cut the strings keeping her up.

She moaned in pain but didn’t get up at first, her fingers clawing towards the cold metal trying to lift herself up on her bare bruised legs from being pulled around. Blood started pooling down her face from a small wound in her face “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to” she whispered not looking at any of them. Then she noticed the smell on Diego and she closed her eyes and felt the hot tears glide down her cheeks. While she had been in agony, he had moved on it seemed. He hadn’t lied, when he had told her that he could just take her that night and then leave. It wouldn’t matter to him, but she would never be free. She wanted to beg to be killed, she couldn’t live like this anymore, she couldn’t take the pain. The horrible pain. But she couldn’t get the words out, because deep down she didn’t mean it. The blood was drizzling down the left side of her face, making her unable to open one of her eyes which was why she didn't open any of them.

She finally opened the one eye that was sticky from the blood gliding down and looked at him. Take care of her? She closed her eyes again and made a small sound of disapproval, if it was over the fact Diego had caused the head injury and now wanted to take care of her just like that. Or over the pain still surging through her.

Behave, what was she? Five years old, least she checked it was him not behaving most of the time. But she didn’t say or do anything as she picked her up in his arms, she winced as the smell just became stronger and she tried to pull her head away from him as much as she could. She didn’t want to be near him, not when he smelled like that not when she was still hurt from what had happened last time.

The light inside was bright and now it would be more visible. The rope burns around her wrist, the bruises on her legs and arms from being grabbed and her trying to kick to get them off her. And then the tear in her forehead from where she had hit the lamp post he had pushed her in. Her hands were scraped from landing hands first on the asphalt after being thrown out of the car.
“Besides you?” she whispered pulling her head out of his hands looking away “I don’t know, didn’t really give me a name before dumping me” she sighed and closed her eyes if it was even possible her dark circles were even darker than they had been last time. She felt so warm, she could feel how the sweat was still gliding down her temples like she had fever.

Her lips started to quiver as he grabbed her chin forcefully and she was brought back to the bar, the night he had changed her life and not for the better. None of this was for the better, her mate had been the last way out. Last way out of the miserable hole she had been in, tuck away in drugs, alcohol and mostly meaningless relationships. It should have been her way out of the pain, the suffering everything she had done so far to help others. Only to forget herself in the process. Always forgetting poor sad Brigitte that poisoned everything she touched. But instead, he had taken her, bonded with her only to spite her. He had promised her that he would never leave her, taken her home to try to make things better, made her sleep then to kick her out the day after to drive herself home. Trying to get him to answer her messages, then to deliver his car back and find out that he had a son, drive home laughing, fighting getting kicked out told to call him.
Now this? Tried to pull back as he was about to heal her but felt the warm feeling pull the skin back together and the pain faded.

How did she get here?. That was the last straw, tears gliding down her cheeks “Stop Diego, just stop” she whispered, she couldn’t do it anymore it hurt too much. “I can’t do this anymore, you broke me, you broke me” she pushed up from the chair and wanted to get past him she wanted to get out she couldn’t sit here anymore, she couldn’t be near him when he smelled of sex, and another woman and – she just couldn’t do it. She wanted to run; she did run as fast as she could, she just needed to get out, but she felt his arms around her waist before she got very far. An almost silent scream left her lips as she started crying. “I didn’t deserve this, why did I deserve this” she sobbed silently after her strength quickly died and she just let go.

She felt numb. Like she could just succumb to the darkness and cease to exist. Who would even notice if she disappeared? Funny how people always said that they were afraid of dying, but all it came down to then it was the fear of not haven’t done enough and leaving this world and no one would mourn the loss of your soul. Maybe it wasn’t fair, because death truly only left the mourning behind. And when you were dead, you couldn’t feel anything. No hurt, no sadness, nothing.

So, she didn’t resist as he cradle her in his arms, or when he slowly sat down. She didn’t hear as Elena said she would make tea, maybe on another day she would have told that she really liked Jasmin tea. That floral taste, with a little bit of honey in it. She loved that, and if she could get that she would be really grateful. But she just starred at the man that told her that he was right there. Not trusting it or believing it. She turned her head away from him and looked into the room not really seeing anything. Not even as she felt how the pain slowly subdued as the plant’s life was giving to restore whatever damage had been done her body. She slowly closed her eyes and made small gasp of relief as the burning feeling in her left. But small fractions of what had happened slowly returned. She had been on her way home from work, her car had finally broken down and one of her neighbors had come over offering her a cold bear. He had been new around the area, and then the most unbearable feeling had started spread in her body after strong arms had dragged her along with her. After that, it became hazy again.

Nothing was going to be okay again, that she didn’t believe as he told her it would be. But again, she didn’t say or do anything.

Her wounds started to heal and the bruises started to fade, meanwhile the plan slowly withered. Plants was such a great energy source for his magic, since he could use it and if he cared for the plant afterwards, it could be used again. People would never really return into the same energy source. Danica was silent, and seemed like she had given up on even resisting anything. As soon as it seemed like her wounds were cared for, he let go of the plant and let his arms wrap around her. He could hear how Elena was getting down from the counter, and he believed that it might’ve been him or Selene who had put the tea somewhere out of reach.
Diego didn’t really do anything but to hold Danica while they waited for Elena to come back with the tea. He gave her a smile and as soon as the tea was in reach, he grabbed a cup for Danica. “Here,” he said and offered it to her. Hopefully, she had somewhat strength enough to hold it herself, but he wouldn’t let go of it before he was sure that she could hold it. His jaw tensed a little. Who the hell had Danica pissed off, since they had done this to her? It wasn’t like he wished her harm, or wanted her dead, because in general, she was quite kind. He had just put on the big-bully-hat. He was able to take it off whenever, and right now, it seemed to have been forgotten out by the lamppost.

She looked at the cup that he wanted her to take, then up at his face before making a small sigh before taking it and just having it in her hands. She kept quiet, not really knowing what she could say or do, what could she do really? She had no idea anymore, after a while she started drinking the warm tea and it spread in her chest, it felt nice and even tasted very good, but after two sips she placed the cup on the floor beside them, her tired eyes looked towards Elena then Diego. She was afraid that there weren’t any feelings left to see in her, a normal standard for her when she got so tired that she looked like she just didn’t care anymore. Because she didn’t, care right now what happened with her or around her.

She closed herself of into one of those corners in her brain were there was nothing going on. Normally her brain worked so fast, had so many things they wanted to think about and mostly they hurt her because of her wild fantasies always picturing the worst-case scenarios. Funny how the brain could work like that, why it couldn’t just take out the best things in life and push them forward, why was the bad always so much easier to hang on to?

What about some sleep?, his deep voice pulled her out of her almost catatonic state of mind and she finally looked him in the eye. Slowly closing them and opening them, as she was already fighting the feeling of just falling asleep right there a then.
A small snort left her as he told her that he wouldn’t shove her out. “I wished I could believe that” she finally said words, and it felt like she hadn’t been talking for weeks, her throat felt dry, and she sniffled a little. “but whatever you think is best” she finally said and looked away from him towards the still full cup of lukewarm tea, she wished she could do a lot of things right about now. But she just didn’t have the strength to do anything other than stay in his arms.

She made a small grunt as he stood up with her in his arms, she wanted nothing more just to put her head against his shoulder and close her eyes. Fell his warmth, feel the bond she shared with him that made her so aware of every touch he gave her. Sometimes she wished that he could fell it to, maybe then it would be easier for him to understand it.
But the smell around him was still so overwhelming especially when she was so close to him, so she turned away her head once more and looked at the surroundings as he walked with her into his room and put her down on his bed.

When he asked if she wanted to get undressed, she looked towards him with hollow eyes and shrugged, slowly got up in seating position and placed her legs over the edge of the bed. “It’s fine, I can do it” she said with an emotionless voice “could I get you to take a bath, please?” she whispered, it was so clear that she would beg him to do it if he would disagree. She didn’t even want to tell him what it did to her, besides all the other things that had already happened that night "It's just, there's a very overwhelming smell around you" she tried to play it off, what he did wasn't really her business other than it was like needles pressing into her heart.. Her fingers found their way to the belts on her overall. At least it was shorts, too hot to walk around in long pants even though she was always so cold with not sleeping enough. She wasn’t even sure if he had moved or not, as she pulled the t-shirt over her head, let it fall to the ground. She then stood up and slid the overalls down her legs and then took off her bra. Slow movements, as if she was saving energy of not doing anything too fast, before she slid under the covers and put her head on the pillow. Turning her body around so she looked into the wall. It would be so easy to just close her eyes and fall asleep, but something was stopping her and she just – stared.