Patrons incorrect quotes

Bienvenido(Tivo): If you took a shot every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?
Cassandra: Maybe a bit tipsy?
Tidus: Drunk.
Averett: Wasted.
Spencer: Dead

Averett: Did you eat my powdered donuts?
Spencer: *mouth full of donuts* no
Averett: Then what's that white powder on your jeans?
Spencer: It's cocaine.

Spencer: Say yes to drugs.
Cassandra: Say no to drugs.
Jenny: It doesn't matter what you tell drugs.
Jenny: Because if you're talking to drugs, you're doing drugs.

Jenny: Are you a cuddler?
Maui: I AM A MACHINE OF DEATH AND DESTRUC - yeah I'm a cuddler.

Bienvenido: How do you politely tell somone you want to hit them with a brick?
Cassandra: One wishes to acquaint your facial features with a fundamental item used in building walls. Repeatedly.
Bienvenido: That's the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.

Tidus: Where did Cass go?
Jenny: It is raining outside, sir. Maybe she melted. (Wizard of Oz reference xD)

Spencer: Punch me in the face.
Maui: Punch you?
Spencer: Yes, punch me in the face. didn’t you hear me?
Maui: I always hear “punch me in the face” when you’re speaking, but it’s usually subtext.

Tidus: You remind me of the ocean.
Cassandra: Why the ocean?
Tidus: Because you’re salty and you scare people.

Tidus: Are you high?
Spencer: What?
Tidus: High.
Spencer: Hello.

Bienvenido: *spins Cassandra around and dips her* Hey there pretty darlin’.
Cassandra: Holy fuck, I like him.
Bienvenido: I’ll take that as my flirting works then.
Cassandra: Just kiss me, you idiot.
Bienvenido: *kisses Cassandra and goes off balance so they both fall*
Bienvenido: Well, I guess you can say we fell for each other?
Cassandra: God help me, I’m in love with this chaotic bastard.

Spencer: At times like this I wish I had listened to Tidus more.
Averett: Why? What did he say?
Spencer: I don’t know. I never listened to him.

Maui: “Ooh, look at me! I’m Averett and I fold my clothes before putting them away!” I bet you chew your food before you swallow it too.
Averett: Well, yeah.
Maui: Pathetic.

Spencer: This is probably the dumbest idea we’ve ever had.
Averett: So, are you in?
Spencer: Yes, of course.

Tivo: what word starts with M and ends on arriage?
Cass: Miscarriage.
Tivo: I’m trying to propose and you just ruined it!
Collin: Just like she ruined her chance of become a mother.
Spencer: Ouch…

Tidus: How many people do we need to paint the complete headquarters?
Cass: Depends on how hard you’ll throw them.
Tidus: … Wait, what? Cass!

Collin: Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Cass: … Don’t. You. Dare…!
Collin: ‘Cause they don’t know where home is!
Cass: Ugh, you inconsiderate little dingus with an emotional range of a teaspoon!

Tivo: There’s 20 letters in the alphabet, right?
Cass: No. 26.
Tivo: Oh! I must have forgotten U R A Q T then!
Cass: You’re still missing one, darling.
Tivo: I’ll give you the D later!

Tidus: Cass, please, I need to tell you something! You can’t tell anyone this…
Cass: Shoot.
Tidus: Okay, so I was listening to music in the lounge, and I suddenly needed to pass some gas…
Cass: … Okay?
Tidus: The music was really loud, so I did it.
Cass: And?
Tidus: I realized I was listening to music on Spotify. With my headset on.
Cass: *falls off her chair, laughing*

(text)
Tivo: Hey honey, are you ready for tonight?
Collin: *texting from Cassandra’s phone* Hey Bienvenido. It’s Cassandra’s older brother. Do you love my sister?
Tivo: Yes, of course.
Collin: Would you take a bullet for her?
Tivo: Yes!...
Collin: Lovely! Meet at her house, in the herb-garden in 10 minutes.

(on the phone)
Tivo: Honey, I’m pregnant! (on the phone with Cass in the middle of the night)
Cass: Honey, are you drunk?
Tivo: Yeah, why?
Cass: ‘cause you’re a man?
(Tivo hangs up)

Tidus: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk!
Cass: Seriously!? When Bienvenido called and I had put him on speaker, you dropped to your knees and screamed ‘’THE LORD HAS SPOKEN!’’
Tidus: So….?

Tivo: I think I want her back…
Spencer: Did she get a haircut while you guys were on a break?
Tivo: yeah…?
Spencer: You’re out of luck.

(texting)
Cass: The test is positive! We’re pregnant!
Tivo: WTF!!!!!!
Cass: Well, I’m glad to see that you’ve changed your mind on the whole baby-thing then…
Tivo: … What?
Cass: Honey… What do you think WTF means?
Tivo: Well that’s fantastic?!
Cass: Thank God!...
Tivo: Wait… What does it stand for!?
Cass: Never mind, love… Never mind.