How' you doin'? (CW) - Ezra

Ezra didn’t intend to use his ability. But he did. And he felt it. Felt all the pain, the fear, the loneliness and self-doubt. He felt all of it, and it overwhelmed him a little. Nevertheless, he just closed his eyes and deepened the kiss just a little, greedy but still caring and soft. He wanted this to go on forever if possible. He was so close to just taking all those bad things in him, the mental pain in him and heal him. But in a way, wasn’t that also violating him? Not everyone wanted to live without their pain, and he couldn’t make that choice for him. But he would offer it at some point. When he found a way to tell him about his ability.

The kiss slowly faded out, and he opened his eyes to look at Jax in front of him. In that moment, he didn’t feel quite as drunk. He didn’t know if that would remain the case, but for now he just found himself swimming in his eyes. He was only brought out of it when he spoke. ”Very much so, yeah.” He smiled at him and stroked his neck once more. He leaned forward to give him another kiss, not quite as long or passionate as the one before, but a kiss of affection still. He moved away from him just a little. ”Lead the way,” he said with a soft voice against his lips.

Ezra's hand felt warm against Jaxson's cold neck. That was one of the worst parts of being a vampire other than having to hurt other people by drinking their blood. The immense cold you could feel all the way to your very core. Jaxson had never much cared for soft things, but feeling heat of another person was the best things in the world to him now that his own body was very similar to that of an ice cold dry tap of ice. So of course he leaned in to the touch closing his eyes for a second, enjoying it a lot. Ezra was very warm after all. "Fantastic," he whispered, before his mouth was shut by another, shorter kiss that almost took him by surprise. His undead heart almost fluttered. It was glorious. What he wouldn't give to be alive again, but at the same time he wasn't sure if he would like it as he was getting used to his own more intense emotions.

He sighed in a relieved way, because he felt relaxed for once, grabbed Ezra's hand again. Fuck walking. He'd use another fucking window, he wanted to show Ezra his home, tell him about everything and anything. Maybe.. Maybe open up about the things that had been bothering him? But what would Ezra do with that? See him in a new light? Jax hoped not, he didn't want to be perceived as a fragile broken thing. "This way," he found the quickest way to a proper sized mirror, checked if they were alone and then walked them through it, into his apartment, straight to the dancing room which was dark at the moment. But Jaxson was sure that it didn't matter much to either of them, now that they both had way better senses than that of a human.
"Here we are. A tiny home for a tiny dancer," Jax winked at his stupid joke before leading the way to a very clean stylish living room, going straight to the black couch. "Should we.. I don't know, open up a bottle of wine? While I spill out all my secrets?" he had more or less promised to talk about it after all and promises were something he saw as a sacred pledge.

Ezra quite liked how their temperatures seemed to clash. It made everything interesting, new. He had never felt anything similar to this and that intrigued him. He didn’t know exactly how much he had missed Jaxson before this second. He just brought up all these feelings in him he had forgotten was even possible. Before Jaxson, he had only ever been in love once and he had been so young then. With Jax, everything was real, not just a teenager’s thought of what love was. And that was the main reason he had to make distance between them. He was so afraid Jaxson would suffer the same fate that Samantha had back then. To know that Jaxson would die because of him had just been such an overwhelming fear. He needed to end things in order to not be fearful of even touching him.

He followed Jaxson to a mirror. So what now? They were going to stand there and look at themselves? He frowned when Jaxson took a step through it, but quickly followed along. He looked behind him to see nothing but a mirror. A normal mirror. He walked over to it and put three of his fingertips against it. ”That really is incredible,” he said turning back to him. ”I like it,” he said and moved with him into the living room. He wasn’t sure if they needed more alcohol, weren’t they drunk enough already? Ezra was, for sure. ”You need more alcohol to do that? Can’t keep up with you anymore, Legend,” he said with a slight smirk. He moved to him again, letting his sensitive fingertips brush against the back of his hand. ”If I drink more, I won’t be able to keep my hands of you,” he admitted.

It was funny how puzzled Ezra was with the whole mirror-travelling thing. Jax liked it when someone admired his ego every once in a while. He had to admit that, even though it sounded so vain and superficial. "It makes many things easier, that's for sure," he answered with a slight smirk as they entered the living room and sat on the couch. He laughed as Ezra noted he couldn't keep up with the alcohol intake. It was cute that Ezra would admit to that, because not many men would do that. They would instead push it back, be defending as to how tough they were and avoid the subject. But not Ezra. Just as he was equally honest about wanting to touch him.

"Well.. We could stop drinki.." before finishing his sentence, it occured to him that he actually wanted Ezra's hands all over him and he smiled almost seductively, before standing up. "Then I think we should drink a little more," he said "innocently", before quickly walking out and grabbing two glasses and a bottle of wine, pouring them up on the way which proved a little difficult as he held one glass in his mouth while his hands were preoccupied with the pouring. But he got it done and now there were two full glasses of wine on the coffe-table as he sat down. He took a good sip of his own glass, looking mischievously at Ezra, before becoming more serious again. "So.. What was it you wanted to know?" he couldn't seem to remember exactly what it was, probably because he was drunk and repressing those emotions and thoughts.

Ezra didn’t see anything wrong in liking it when people appreciated something about you. He nodded when Jaxson said it made things easier. He couldn’t debate that. He didn’t have abilities like that, and he wasn’t very comfortable with the one he had. It just seemed dangerous. Even if it could be the exact opposite as well. Ezra usually felt very comfortable in his own skin. He knew who he was and who he wasn’t, knew his strengths and weaknesses. And right now, his weakness was that his alcohol tolerance wasn’t as high as Jaxson’s. No need in denying that.

He felt a little disappointed when he was sounding like he didn’t want anything more than the kisses they had already shared. He would respect it, of course. He then was a little confused when he suddenly smiled seductively and stood up to get more drinks. So he did want that. Good. He smiled when he balanced the glasses and bottle on his way to him. He sat down and grabbed one of the glasses, sipping at the wine. It was a nice wine. What did he want to know? Was he so drunk he couldn’t even remember what he had wanted to know about Jaxson? He put the glass down and leaned forward a little, his hands folded between his split legs. ”Well everything.” He said turning his head to look at Jaxson. ”How about you tell me what happened, how you became a vampire. If you want.” It might be a personal story, and he understood if he didn’t want to share it.

luckily for Jaxson, his empathic abilities weren't active, which meant he couldn't feel any dissappointment from Ezra, or anything else for that matter. He only had facial expressions to go by, and when you're used to just feeling someone else's emotions, the normal way could be really, really difficult. He honestly wasn't used to it and would probably be the worst ever at figuring out how people felt just by looking at them. He was way too used to his little crutch of an ability.

It became evident, that Ezra was curious though as he wanted to know everything. That would take time. And Jaxson wasn't sure if he was ready to open up about it. It made him insecure.
"Well, it was when I got a friend through my job.. You might even know of him.. James King?" he asked as he slowly started to feel my at ease with talking about it. The transformation was two years ago, he was used to thinking and talking about that.
"He wanted me to live for longer than just a normal human, so he uhm.. Transformed me. I was upset at first, but now I'm not mad.. Not at James anyways, him I've almost always seen as family.. And not just through the sire-bond thing. He's a master of the arts of being sassy, fabulous and awesome, but he and I have always kind of seen eye-to-eye on things," he didn't mention the sex-parts, not because he was afraid of Ezra would react, but because he still wasn't happy to talk about it after the episode with the velvet-voiced monster. There were some things that pushed buttons that should not be pushed.

"It happened about two years ago, so I know that in the big grand vampire society I'm appearently still considered a child. But they seem to forget that human-years count as well," he looked up at Ezra, smiling slightly before remembering that there was more to tell. Ezra wanted to know everything, and he would give him that, because of the growing feelings of loyalty he had for the werewolf.

Ezra didn’t know about Jaxson’s ability to feel emotions. Which was probably for the best. He would have behaved very differently if he knew. He would have been much more careful about what he was feeling. He was thinking about bringing up his own ability soon if it seemed appropriate. He didn’t want to spring it on him out of the blue.

Ezra would of course never push him to anything he didn’t want to talk about. He was surprised when he spoke of James King. He knew him, not personally but knew his movies. ”Not like you, it seems,” he said with a smile but a hint of jealousy in his eyes. James was smoking hot and he just couldn’t help imagining he and Jaxson had never been completely platonic. ”So you could live forever… That’s cool.” It wasn’t really cool. Because Ezra would die and the thought of Jaxson living on after he had died made him hurt physically. He didn’t say anything, but this changed a lot of things, didn’t it? Jaxson would never age, Ezra would. He wasn’t expecting they would find back together, but he still hoped that it was a possibility and now it just didn’t seem like it could be. ”It’s good that you found someone,” he said, not specifying what that someone would be to him.

He continued to listen when he said he was practically a child in the vampire society. ”A sexy child,” he joked and laughed, before realizing what he had just said and just stopped laughing abruptly. ”Sorry,” he said and drank some more of the wine.

As Jaxson wasn't feeling Ezra's emotions, he was a lot more attentative to what expressions the werewolf showed in his face. He kept eye-contact a lot more, especially now that they were sitting right next to one another. This made it evident that Ezra seemed jealous because Jaxson knew King as a friend and he shortly dared to use his ability to make sure that was he was seeing was correct. And it was, it was obvious that Ezra was jealous and Jax couldn't really fault him at all. His relationship with James went beyond that of just friend. But they were family in his eyes, as close as they could get.
"No, not like me," Jax mumbled, almost feeling bad about it. But he was still drunk enough to not get completely put down by it.

What did get his mood low was the fact that living forever was brought up, but without the enthusiasm, because Jax agreed. It wasn't good. That was the part that he disliked the most about being what he was. He wanted to make a family for himself, but that was difficult, he wanted someone he could love and not end up loosing because of old age, but that was also difficult. These were some of the subjects he normally repressed in order to be his cheeky self, and even though Ezra joked and laughed, it didn't make Jax feel that much better. He was going into a state of emotional drunkenness and it was very evident in his gaze that was now a bit downturned.
"James is family and I care deeply for him.. But I also want more. I want..." children? A lover? He found that he couldn't make himself say those words.
"Living forever is actually my least favorite aspect of being a vampire. That, and the fact that I'm always cold. And the heightened emotions.. They tend to get in the way a lot, but it's better than switching them off. I've tried that twice and it was miserable,"

By saying those words, it hit him like a semi-truck. He remembered what Ezra had wanted to talk about earlier. The fact that Ezra had seen right through his lie about being fine, which he just wasn't. He was still restless, still paranoid, and still extremely vulnerable to his own emotions. He looked into nothing for a good long few seconds, but he just couldn't make himself tell Ezra yet. He wasn't ready. He did however, feel a desperate need to be closer to him physically, so he reached out and touched his hand, keeping his hand there before glancing into Ezra's eyes. He couldn't keep the eye-contact for more than a second before his gaze turned downwards again.

Ezra wasn’t typically the jealous type. Maybe because he rarely got close enough to have people matter enough to him. Losing them just wasn’t that big a deal to him mostly. But it was always different with Jaxson. He actually felt something similar to heartbreak when he and Jax broke their fling off. Or maybe it was heartbreak. He wasn’t completely sure. He looked away when he agreed he knew James in a way Ezra didn’t.

He could sense something changed in him. He didn’t laugh along with him and he didn’t look directly at him. He waited for him to complete his sentence, but instead he just left it open for him to guess. Because he was speaking of family, maybe it meant he was a family of his own, children. But he could still get that, couldn’t he? Maybe not the traditional way, but it would still be possible, wouldn’t it? He just listened and nodded as if he understood, but how could he? He wasn’t going to live forever. He was going to live maybe 120 years if he was lucky. He was supposed to have a short life. He had been okay with that but right in this second, he despised it. He really just wanted to be with Jaxson for as long he could. Maybe it was the alcohol making him a little more emotional, but he cared very deeply for Jaxson and he just wanted to be spend all the time in the world with him.

Ezra just sat there and looked around, a few times he looked directly at Jaxson who just looked at something else, or nothing else. When he finally reached for his hand and looked at him, he gently let his fingers fold around Jaxson’s hand. He parted his lips to say something, before Jax looked away again. ”Jaxson,” he whispered and placed his other hand on top of the vampire’s, forming a ball around his hand. ”What is it?” His voice was gentle, lowered. He was trying to be there for him, to listen if he needed him to. Or maybe he needed something else entirely. Whatever it was, he would be there for him.

As Jaxson felt Ezra's fingers curl around his, he felt a craving for more. Being closer. Just as close as possible, but he didn't make the move. Not yet. Not until Ezra spoke with a softness to his voice that Jax hadn't heard before - or maybe he had, but didn't remember. He looked up, a bit fast, his eyes darting around a bit before finally gaining the courage to face Ezra.
"I just.. I missed you.. So much," he whispered, as if it was dangerous to speak it out aloud. He felt his own drunken emotions start to well up inside of him. Like a bottle that was filled to the brim and was about to burst. Only he didn't burst. He just slowly started to give away to it instead, not caring if he was seen as weak, because he was drunk and he wanted to be near Ezra and he wanted to completely forget the monster and the small room and the chains.

"I got trapped a few weeks ago.. And I.. I did things.. And they did things. And the only three things I could think of the few minutes where I had clarity in my mind was my mother, James... And you. I know you had your reasons to do what you did back then and I'm not angry with you.. I wasn't then either.. Just sad. Just as I was in that tiny room," it was definitely hard to talk about all these things, but Jaxson had talked about it before and it made it just a little bit easier to open up this time. But he hadn't said what had been nagging him the most. That the monster was completely convinced, Jax could never find any meaningful relationships, that it would all be fleeting. It had made Jax come to the conclusion that maybe, especially because he'd done such terrible things in his little cell, he just didn't deserve that. And that was one of the most hurtful thoughts he had ever had in his life.

Ezra was worried about him. He had been different this night. At first he thought it might have been because he was a vampire now, but then when he had said there was something to talk about, he had spent a thought once in a while to try and imagine what was really going on with him. But had always ended up deciding he had to tell it himself. It wasn’t right for Ezra to try and guess because he was almost guaranteed to be wrong. He kept looking at him, with small breaks where he looked at something else. He looked back at him when he said, whispered, that he had missed him. It made his heart flutter. ”I missed you too,” he responded in a similar tone of voice.

He listened carefully as he explained. He stopped breathing when he mentioned thinking about him. And then that he knew he had reasons. He just didn’t know what they were. And now was not the time to tell him. ”Jax…” He just said and moved one of his hand up his arm until it laid on his shoulder and then further up to the side of his neck. ”I can…” He started but didn’t know if he should continue. ”I can remove it… The pain.” He would have to feel it himself for a while, although a little milder, but it would still be there for a moment. Then it would simmer down and eventually go away. ”If you want me to.” It was no pressure at all, and he wouldn’t blame him if he chose to keep it.

It made James happy for a second when Ezra said that he'd missed him too. It was nice to know that. It was nice to know the feelings weren't only active on one part, but that it was an actual connection still. As he felt Ezra's hand on his arm he closed his eyes, letting himself really feel it, how the areas Ezra touched were more warm than others, how it almost sent shivers through him. When Ezra said he could remove the pain, Jax almost couldn't believe it. Was Ezra able to do that? He didn't know, and he wasn't actually sure if it was a good idea. Because pain was usually what would give more strength ultimately, but Jax was drunk and not that rational right now. And he was getting very emotional. It was evident as blood-red tears started running down his face, ruining the white shirt he was wearing.

He looked into Ezra's eyes, laying a hand on top of his, gently but almost in needy affection. He knew what he wanted. He wanted for it to go away. He wanted to be careless and happy again, not this. And he wanted Ezra. "Yes.. I.. I want it gone," he didn't even know how Ezra was going to do it, he just knew that Ezra was able to, and that was enough. He leaned closer to Ezra, if only just for the closeness itself. "Please do it," he whispered as he grabbed Ezra's other hand.

He nodded when Jaxson wanted him to. He took in a deep breath and watched him as he leaned closer and begged him to do it. He leaned forward the rest of the way to once again capture his lips. This time he didn’t just feel the pain, he took it. It wasn’t because he could erase his memories, but the pain he felt when thinking of them would be gone. The kiss was longer than expected. There was a lot of pain to take. He leaned back. Everything just overwhelmed him in that second, all those feelings, the pain. It wasn’t just mental; he felt the physical too. Not quite as strongly as what Jaxson had felt but it still hurt. His hands trembled slightly as he picked up the glass of wine. He emptied in one mouthful. He looked at him and swallowed. ”I’m-I’m so sorry,” he stuttered. He had to take a moment to process everything. He stood up and looked at him. ”I just need a moment.”

He walked towards the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He looked himself in the mirror but could hardly recognize himself. He sat down on the floor, putting his hands around his body, rocking himself back and forward. He put his hands on the side of his head, running them through his hair when tears were appearing in his eyes. All this pain he had gone around with. Granted, Ezra got it all at once, but it was still so much, so painful. He let out a sob. He hoped it would pass soon, but even then he would know that Jaxson had gone around with this for a few weeks and that would just make him hurt all over again.

The minute the kiss started, it began having an effect. Jax could literally feel the pain seeping out of him, where he didn't know, but it was one of the most delightful feelings he'd ever had in his entire life. He relaxed a lot more than before, his shoulders not even tense, but slightly sore from him being so paranoid all the time. And even then, that soreness dissappeared too, until he felt fine. Not just fine. He felt really great, as if a crushing vice-grip around his entire body was released. The mountain of guilt, regret, pain, and sadness was lifted from his shoulders and he felt light-headed when the kiss stopped. He had to shake his head to become more clear headed and that's when he saw the expression on Ezra's face. That couldn't be... Had he taken it into himself?!

Jax immediately tried to gain eye-contact, concern written all over his face as Ezra downed his entire glass of wine and excused himself, leaving for the bathroom.And that's when Jax couldn't stop himself from letting his own ability reach out. He just had to make sure that Ezra was okay. When he felt Ezra's feelings, he abruptly severed the connection, because he did remember how that felt, and he didn't want to feel it again, ever. But now Ezra had it inside of him, and a small pang of guilt seeped back into Jax as he sighed before standing up and going out to the bathroom.
The sight that met him when he opened the door as almost enough to break his heart. There he was, Ezra, sobbing, sitting on the floor, rocking back and forth. It was a gut-wrenching sight and Jax moved closer, only to sit down and put his arms very gently and carefully around the crying man.
"I'm sorry Ez," he spoke softly. "Had I known you'd take it on yourself... I'd have said no," he kissed Ezra on the cheek, but otherwise sat still, embracing him as gentle as he was capable of.

Ezra had deliberately left out that he would feel the pain after. He knew Jax would never go along with if he knew. But it didn’t matter to him because knowing he would go around with this, that he would have to fight with this each and every day, that was worse for Ezra. He would gladly deal with it for a while, if that meant Jaxson would be free of it. But it was a lot. It felt like something was clutching onto his heart. The feelings were flooding his system, drowning him.

Ezra avoided any eye-contact. He couldn’t right now. He just sat there, feeling everything. He still didn’t understand what had happened, he just knew how he felt ashamed, how he felt guilty and sad. It was all too overwhelming for him to handle and he had to flee. He barely looked up when Jax went into the bathroom to him. He flinched shortly when Jax put his arms around him ever so gently. He then just leaned into him a little bit. He sniffled and wiped his nose. ”It’s…” He said and took in a shivering breath. ”It’s okay. It will pass soon.” He gently turned his head to look at him. ”I knew you wouldn’t.” His eyes were teary and a single one escaped past his lashes. ”But you don’t understand,” he put his hand on Jaxson’s. ”Knowing you were hurting is worse for me. I couldn’t bare the thought.” He felt the kiss on the cheek and just smiled. He laid his head on Jaxson’s shoulder. ”You will never have to hurt again,” he promised.

Jax could feel Ezra flinch, just like he'd done himself so many times where he had been touched unexpectantly and now he really felt bad. What if this would affect Ezra forever!?
Just the sound of Ezra's voice, shivering made Jax hug him even tighter as he kept wondering if things would ever get better in his own inner panic. He didn't want to start fuzzing over Ezra like a mother hen, but he fould himself incapable of stopping it. Luckily it seemed like it would pass soon from what his werewolf fling said, but that didn't mean it wasn't uncomfortable to see him hurt like this. Jax hadn't even realized things were that bad untill now. He dried away the escaping tear with his thumb, resting his hand of Ezra's cheek.

He moved a bit so he wasn't hugging Ezra anymore, instead cupping his face with his hands, resting their foreheads against each other, gazing into Ezra's teary eyes. "You say I don't understand," he spoke quietly as he prepared himself to tell Ezra his secret. He knew it might change things, but he did it anyways. "But I always do, I see pain in everyone all the time. Or happiness. Doesn't matter what it is, but I always sense it, and sometimes it even floods into me as well. I will always have that no matter what," he moved again to kiss Ezra on the forehead before hugging him tightly again, letting Ezra lean into his chest. "I'm sorry I never told you, but it's not just something were you just blurt it out like 'Hey, I can sense all your feelings, just so you know'. And it's even harder when you're own feelings are fucked up to begin with," this time Jax couldn't help but smile a slightly sad little smile. Only at least it wasn't overwhelming this time. He was just sad that now maybe Ezra would begin to close off. People tended to do that when they knew and he didn't blame anyone for it.

Ezra was just happy he didn’t have to be alone. He could feel it too - the loneliness. How Jaxson had felt like there was nothing in the world who cared for him. He felt Jaxson’s thumb run over his cheek. He just smiled, because even through all this, something else shined through. He felt how his feelings for Jaxson was so clear, they were what he held onto right now. The only thing he thought of that could help him through this. He sat quietly a while. He just needed to listen to something else. When he was like this, he usually listened to people’s heartbeats, but that wasn’t possible with Jaxson. So when he began talking, he just listened very carefully to his words.

Honestly, it didn’t bother Ezra much. He was fairly straight forward with his thoughts and feelings, so in a way, it just made it easier. It removed the need to tell whenever he felt something. He would just know already. He felt the kiss on his forehead and it calmed him down a little. ”I understand,” he said when he apologized for not telling him. ”I didn’t tell you about my ability either,” he said. He couldn’t tell him right now, or he would rather wait till he wasn’t such a mess. ”I’ll tell you later,” he said and closed his eyes to hopefully just ride it out and get over this soon. Maybe most people closed off, but Ezra didn’t. He did the exact opposite. He allowed Jaxson in, let him feel everything he was if he so wanted. Not just all the things he had picked up from Jaxson, but everything else too; the loneliness, the protectiveness over his family, his love for his family. And of course, his very strong feelings for Jax.

Jax kept looking at Ezra for a long while, as the man seemed to just accept that he could sense his feelings. He'd only ever experienced such acceptance now from Ez and James. The two only people in the world besides his own mother that he felt he could trust. It was making him feel so happy that he smiled a bit, even though he was still very concerned for Ezra who still looked like he was far off in the mental damage that he had absorbed. "Thank you," the gratitude was strong in those words. He was so relieved that Ezra didn't find his powers creepy or something that crossed his limits. It was so nice to know.

Just as Ezra hadn't found it bad not knowing about the empathy, Jax felt the same way. It was a kiss that could help people so he wasn't even remotely angry about it. "It's okay, we need our secret sometimes," he caressed Ezra's cheek a bit more before letting his hand go through the short hair. He sat still for a while before daring to take a peek at Ezra's emotions again. The loneliness that Jax had felt was there still. And all the other painful things. But he also felt the strong connection again. The love that had grown a lot at this point, so much it made Jax feel like he overstepped again, but at the same time he smiled a smile that finally reached his eyes. It felt powerful. "Ez.." he almost felt akward for saying it, but he wanted it to be said. "I uhm.. I love you," he kissed the top of Ezra's head after saying the important words but he kept his lips there for a while, his arms still holding Ezra to his chest, almost as protectively as the feeling he got from Ezra.

Ezra did feel a loneliness from Jaxson, but it was just magnified by his own. Ezra was built to be in a relationship. He worked better when he was. But because of how his first relationship ended, he didn’t feel he ever could. He was afraid to ever feel so strongly about somebody that he would end up hurting them or worse. He had learned to control it more or less over the years, but it still worried him.

He looked up at him. ”Not for you,” he said with a gentle voice. He didn’t want to have secrets for him. Maybe it was because he was still a little drunk and felt extremely vulnerable right now, but he just knew in his heart, that he wouldn’t want to ever keep anything from Jaxson. He wanted him to know everything about him. He turned his head back down and just felt his arm around him, how it was so firm and muscular and comforting. ”Hmm?” He waited for him to say more. When he finally did, he just sat a moment and looked across from him. Had he really just said that? He wasn’t sure how to respond. It wasn’t because he didn’t feel the same, but it was a big risk for him to take. ”Jax…” He said softly. ”I don’t know if I can…” He started to fiddle with his fingers nervously. ”My ability isn’t just healing. I can do other things… Last time I felt strongly about a person she… She died, because of me.” He was ready to move away from him, even if he so desperately wanted to stay close. ”That’s one of the reasons I had to stop what we had back then. I couldn’t allow myself to fall in love,” he explained and tilted his head to look at him. ”But I did.”

Jax looked deply into Ezra's eyes and smiled gently, but in a careful, comforting way. "It's alright," he cuddled closer to Ezra, even if it should have been impossible to even get closer. But he wanted it so bad, because he'd shied away from it so much these last few years. It was a surprise, Ezra opening up about his ability and the fact that he could potentially kill with it. That he had accidentally killed someone with it. Because it was an accident, Jax strongly believed. Ezra would never purposefully do such a thing, he was completely convinced of that. He kept the closeness between them, because even though such power could be frightening, it wasn't to Jax. He had already died once and now it would take a lot for it to happen again. His body worked differently.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you," he spoke in a soft voice, his eyes looking straight into Ezra's with the deepest care he could project. It almost made him look alive.
"I know.. I can.. Feel it," he inched even closer, not daring to move away. He didn't want Ezra to feel more alone. He knew how that felt. It was a horrible feeling.
"I don't know how it works. But it takes a lot for me to.. Uhm, you know, die.. And even so, if it should ever get out of hand, you've just prepared me. But I understand if you can't. I'll still be here," he kissed Ezra on his forehead again, before a cheeky smile formed in his face.
"Besides.. There are other ways to show your love than kissing someone.. If you can't, you can't, it's just that simple," he gave Ezra another kiss to his forehead before grabbing his hand, entwining their fingers. "Such as this.."

Ezra of course felt all of those horrible things he had picked up from Jax, but as they slowly withered away, he was left with a feeling of bliss. He felt like he finally had someone who cared for him in the way he had always needed. He at no point made it seem like he didn't want to be near Jax, because he wanted to. Much more now than ever before. It was because of their time apart or because they had opened up to each other much more now, letting each other peak inside, quite literally, was impossible to tell. And he didn't need a reason. He was fine with just knowing that they both shared the want to be together.

Ezra was slightly overwhemled by the overwhelming sense of care he got from Jax. It was so strong and filled up his body with a warmth he had never felt before. He didn't mind that Jax could feel it. He wasn't trying to hide it. He wasn't sure if he would be affected by his ability. But he just wasn't sure it was worth the risk. But he was right about it being more difficult for him to die. He closed his eyes with a gentle sigh of bliss as he kissed his forehead again. He opened his eyes to look at Jax when he said there were other things to do. And then grabbed his hand, so slowly entwinging their fingers together. "You put a lot of fate in my ability to keep away from your lips," he gently said, before he used the other hand lay on his chest shortly, before moving up his shoulder, neck and jawline. He felt everything beneath his sensitive fingertips. "It's almost gone, the pain," he said and looked into his eyes. He couldn't express how much he wanted to be with Jaxson. He was in love with him. He had been all this time. "I love you too," he quietly said. He had maybe hinted that was how he felt, but he wanted to tell him so there was no confusion.

There was a feeling of bliss inside Ezra, as the pain slowly withered away. Jaxson could feel it as his own tenseness and and worry started to dull down too. He wanted to just stay like this forever, but there were things to do. Such as getting out of this suit, which was bloodied by the tears he had shed before. But for now he would sit still and be a comfort to Ezra, untill he was fine. He was getting there, the joke he said was proof of it, but also the fact that the overwhelming comfort seeped into Jax as well as he closed his eyes for a bit, letting the feeling get to him completely. He smiled and even chuckled a bit at the joke. A joke that was probably more serious than they both would initially think.
"I also put a lot of faith in my own ability to keep away from your lips," he joked back with a smirk. It was corny, he knew, but Jax didn't mind. He could take corny any day, as long as Ezra was a part of it.

Jax had to close his eyes again when he felt Ezra's fingertips against his neck and jawline. Not many people knew, but most of his sensitivity lay there, just waiting to be explored. "Good, I hate seeing you in pain," he almost hummed before opening his eyes, looking into Ezra's in this pure, tender moment. He smiled softly as Ezra told him the magic words as well. Then he buried his face in Ezra's neck, feeling almost giddy for a while, untill finally he was capable of moving.
"Okay, I need to get out of this suit.. It's too tight.. And this shirt needs to see a trash can immediately," his inner fashionista shone through as he peeked down at the only slightly bloody shirt with an expression of dissappointment in his face.

Ezra didn't feel like leaving. There was so much pain and sorrow out in the world. Here he didn't have to face it. Here he could just be happy and safe and loved. Ezra did know how true his joke was. It wouldn't be easy, at least not for him. At least not right now, as he was still under the influence of alcohol, and with him feeling the need for comfort didn't make it any better. He chuckled weakly as he returned the joke. "Hopefully. Unrequited love is the worst," he said with a slight smirk.

Ezra smiled when he closed his eyes and just seemed to enjoy his touch. He nodded when he said he hated to see him in pain. "Likewise," he said. When Jax leaned forward, he was expecting another kiss, but of course he couldn't get one after what he had said. And he didn't want what with the stakes. Instead he just smiled as he buried himself in the soft skin on his neck. He couldn't say he would mind seeing Jaxson strip down, but maybe for now it was better if they just didn't take to many chances. They had after all just reuinted. He didn't want to ruin it. Ruin them. "Okay." He stood up and looked himself in the mirror before turning on the water and splashing some water into his face. He leaned forward a bit i order to do it a few more times without splashing water over everything.

Jax got up the same time as Ezra did, feeling an odd empty feeling when they weren't touching each other. It was like the void itself. He didn't linger on the feeling though. Instead he looked at Ezra as he leaned forward, almost sticking out his butt, as if it was an invitation. Jax simply could not resist. He smacked Ezra in the butt with a flat, but still surprisingly gentle hand while smirking and blinking at his own reflection in the mirror, before putting a hand in to the ray of water to get rid of the blood that had streamed down his face before. He then smiled at Ezra before unbottoning he shirt while leaving the bathroom. Just slowly enough for the reflection to show some of his chest area before he turned his back and walked out of the room to enter his bedroom.

Here he introduced his body to a black shirt first, before he eyed a skirt. His smirk grew in size as he also put that on and some other clothes-pieces until he had a very androginous outfit on, but also very cool and bad boyish with the leather jacket to top it off. He was going to surprise Ezra with this, and even if Ezra wasn't into it, it could always serve as a comic relief after the tons of emotions being shared between the two. He stepped out of the bedroom and into the bathroom with the most teasing smile ever on his lips. "Sooo... Still can't keep your hands to yourself?" he posed in front of Ezra giving him the sexiest stare he could think of. "What'cha think?"

Ezra chuckled when Jax smacked his bottom. He had not expected it to be so gentle. He looked at Jax' reflection and smiled. He bent his neck to get some more water. When he looked back up, Jax was no longer in the room. He dried his face and was just about to exit the bathroom, before Jaxson returned in a new outfit. He looked him up and now to take it all in. That was a very unique outfit. Something he would never wear himself, because he simply didn't have the fashionistic confidence to do so. But Jax did. He was so expressive in his clothes and Ezra found that incredible sexy. He had lifted his hand to reach out to him, when he hit him with the comment about keeping his hands to himself.

"No... I don't think I can." He saw that stare and it just made him loose it. He moved to him and tilted his head a little. "I think that nobody else I know could pull something like that off." He bit into his lip a short moment. "I also think you shouldn't have gone to the trouble of getting dressed." Even if his words didn't say it all, his eyes did. He wanted Jax. But he also knew something bad had happened to him, and he would never pressure him if he wasn't ready.