Busted

She did indeed notice the nervous chuckle as he answered her question. With a calm smile, she crossed her arms; hiding away at least some of her naked skin. ‘’I’m partially dragon, remember? It takes more to give me a shiver,’’ she said, chuckling gently at him. In some way, it seemed silly that they stood there, speaking about her being cold. She understood how it sometimes was easier to beat around the bush than confronting their issues, but she wasn’t going to point out that he was acting foolishly by looking at a mafia boss with desire glowing behind the façade. He surely already knew that. He crossed his arms as well, trying to hide the tremble of his hand. She listened to his question as they waited for the pizza, only to bite her lower lip as she tried to figure out how to explain it.

‘’you told me that you’d been to hell,’’ she said, looking straight at him. ‘’Specifically, you told me that it wasn’t worth going to hell to save one you loved,’’ she said, remembering the memory she had gotten a glimpse off back in the house; the torture he had suffered. Her heart started to beat harder and faster, as she remembered the sensation, he had shared with her of hooks gripping through his limbs. She could taste the metallic taste of blood once again. She then shook her head, before she looked back at him. ‘’My ability seems to be some sort of memory-based system. Before, I simply shared my own memories, whenever I was agitated, and someone touched me. You’re the only one where I have seen a memory of another person,’’ she said, her eyes glazing over with treacherous tears as she remembered his scream. She didn’t want to go into details with what she had seen, as she feared their friendship would turn sour if she had seen something he didn’t wish her to know about.

As the pizza arrived, she sighed with relief. Her stomach was about to tear someone - or something - apart, so it was better to eat something before she turned into a gremlin. As Michael placed the pizza’s in the living room, she joined him in there, only to chuckle as he offered her a beer. ‘’I think it would be best if I avoided alcohol for the night.’’ She said, smiling at him. In honesty, she feared what she would do if she decided to drink with him, even just one little beer. As they sat down and started eating, she looked at him with a tilted head. ‘’I have the feeling that you’re somewhat disappointed with me,’’ she admitted, smiling at him. ‘’You know, for the whole mafia-thing,’’.

In some way it was stupid to lie about, but he had to say something. He couldn’t say that it was because of his attraction to her. He didn’t want her to get the wrong impression. It was strange to think about her being partially dragon, and although he’d recently met a dragon shapeshifter, it wasn't something he'd seen more than a handful of times. “Really?” he asked, sending her a teasing look before he used his ability to blow a freezing breeze towards her, lifting her hair slightly before it vanished behind her.

He got slightly worried as she started mentioning hell. Then she admitted having seen one of his memories. “Wait what?” he asked with a confused expression, not understanding why she hadn’t told him about it earlier. If it had involved hell, he could only imagine what horrible things she'd seen. He felt his stomach churn at the thought of her seeing glimpses of that, knowing that it was where she’d most likely end up. “I’m sorry you had to see that,” he said quietly, looking into her eyes. He then looked down for a few moments as he reminded himself back on it. “I made a deal… to save someone from dying,” he admitted, before looking up at her again. “Time was different in hell… Being locked in that cage drove me insane. I was so broken that the torture didn't worsen anything... I didn’t even care about heaven, I just wanted to not exist… to finally feel nothing,” he said with a melancholic expression. He took a swig of his beer. “Sometimes I still want that,” he admitted as he breathed out, then he just shook his head lightly, trying to forget his thoughts. “I guess the peaceful life wasn't chosen for neither of us,” he said.

He smiled as she said it would be best if she avoided alcohol. She had no reason to fear that it affected her good judgement. He wasn’t going to let the events of last time repeat itself. Cassandra joined him on the couch, and he looked at her when she spoke. He hesitated to answer, not knowing if he even should comment on it. He looked away as he finished chewing and took another sip of the beer. “Of course I am… being a mafia-member, engaging in drug distribution… it doesn’t do you or the world much good… now, I’m sure you have your reasons, but personally I think there are far more reasons to get out,” he said. He’d walked the streets of Gaia, aiding the homeless with warmth and food. He’d seen how mafia-members would attack drug addicts and strip them from whatever possessions they had and he’d been in the middle of a gun fight between two mafias. It was no wonder, that he'd prefer a world without them. “Turn that business into something that does good in the world, and I’d be proud instead of disappointed,” he said, smiling gently at her. He was probably just confirming things she already knew. “What do you dream about for your future, Cas?” he then asked, wondering whether she really saw a future in the mafia.

The freezing breeze gave her goosebumps, but nothing she wasn’t able to manage. The most it did to her was to make her nipple harden ever so slightly, getting visible through the rather thin fabric of her bra. ‘’Yeah, really,’’ she answered, winking at him with the same teasing look as he had shown her moments earlier as he had tried to make her cold.
His ‘wait, what?’-commentary made her look away for a brief moment, while she collected her thoughts. Yes, it had been rather unpleasant to watch, therefor she didn’t admit to the fact that she not only saw the memory but also felt every single thing he did during that episode. It wasn’t fair to let him know that even his suffering wasn’t sacred to her. ‘’Don’t be,’’ she said, as he stated that he was sorry for her seeing his suffering. ‘’It must have been someone very special to you,’’ she said, looking at him carefully. She didn’t ask - it wasn’t her place to ask who he had loved so dearly as to take place in hell to save them from death. His next words reminded her of the feeling she had been left with after being kidnapped and abused by the former mafia-leader. How could it be that the archangel - a son of God - stood right in front of her and spoke of such trauma as she had been through? Wasn’t he supposed to be protected by the man he called for his father? ‘’I stand by what I said when I first met you. I will still go to hell and back to save someone I love.’’ She then stated, looking directly at him. ‘’Peace is for the dead, Michael,’’ she then said, smiling calmly to him to assure him that she was okay with that statement.

She didn’t mind talking about the archangel being disappointed in her, as she knew it was inevitable. She knew he would see her doings as bad, regardless of the intention. Therefor, she had accepted his answer before he even uttered it. She understood his point of view, and with a crooked smile, she looked at him. ‘’The drugs isn’t my business. I’m running the logistics of it while the boss is away on a business trip. My part in all of this is to get the safe-houses up and running. We’re opening up five sectors of housing for women and men that need help to get their lives back together. I’ve also invested a rather large sum in an orphanage back in Edinburgh, to be a chair-member and benefactor.’’ She said, before she took another bite of her pizza. ‘’I will not be leaving the Patrons. They are my family, and even though the boss deals in drugs, that’s just in the interest of the buyers. We supply the recovery-centers with stock so that they can help addicts to rehabilitate in a pace that doesn’t risk their health in the same way it does to go cold turkey.’’ She said, shrugging. She knew that drugs weren’t good in any way, but she felt it was slightly more acceptable this way.

Then, he asked about her future. What she wanted. It wasn’t fair - all she wanted, she had had a chance at, only to be denied it because of her foolishness. ‘’I always dreamt of a family,’’ she admitted. It felt silly to even say it now. She wasn’t going to have children of her own, and she wasn’t going to marry again after divorcing Jonathan. She needed to accept that she wasn’t going to live a life she had imagined. ‘’You know, husband; children; house; dog… All that jazz,’’ she said, shrugging before she took another bite. ‘’What about you?’’ she asked, as she had swallowed her food, so that she didn’t speak with her mouth full.

He shrugged as she proved that the cold didn’t bother her much, looking briefly down her body before he looked away. She said he shouldn’t be sorry, but it was easier said than done. The thought of her ending up in hell was painful, something he didn’t think she deserved. But it certainly seemed like she wasn’t sorry for him, and he suppose that was a good thing. He didn’t want her to start caring for him. “Yeah,” he said quietly. It had been someone very special, someone far more deserving of life than him. He scoffed when she said she’d go to hell to save someone she loved - exactly like he’d done. “Well, then that person would have to live without you,” he said as turned his green eyes back to her. If she tried to imagine how that person would feel, knowing what she’d done, she’d know that doing such a thing was never ideal.
“That’s not true,” he said. There was nothing peaceful about death. Going to hell or becoming a vengeful spirit, it was the opposite of peaceful. “Unless you’re going to Heaven, that is,” he added as he tilted his head and turned his gaze into the living room. Michael didn’t think about dying. So far nothing had been able to kill him, but either way, life was where he could make a difference, and so many lives still depended on him. “My peace is helping people…” he said.

He started eating another slice as she explained her side of the story. He was right about her having her own reasons, but even if she wasn’t in charge of the drugs, she wasn’t stopping the trades either. There were better ways of making a difference for others, but at least her work was a start. “Your good acts don’t justify anything, but I’m happy that you try,” he said, looking at her with a warm gaze. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help with the safe-houses,” he added, genuinely interested in helping with charity. It was something he often did, when he needed a break from fighting.  

He leaned back in the couch as he listened to her dream. It was a simple dream, one that many pursued. He was sure it would be fulfilled, if it was what she truly wanted. “What do you envision your future husband to be like?” he asked.
She returned the question, making him look towards the windows for a moment. He’d already achieved most of his dreams, but some were constant. “I dream of a better world. I dream of peace and love, acceptance and faith,” he replied. "All that jazz," he added with a faint smile, just to quote her. Sometimes he didn’t understand why God hadn’t created the world in that way, and why he’d stepped back when it had gone wrong. He knew that for the time being, he couldn’t rid the world of all evil, but it never stopped him from trying.

She knew that he didn’t agree in her statement - going to hell to save a loved one - merely because he had done it himself. She wasn’t sure, however, if that ever would change. She would do anything for Tidus, and it was only a matter of time before she would do even more than what she had already done. She had been tortured and raped to protect him; she had lost her ability to manipulate fire when she started using her blood magic again in an effort to save him from death. She had suffered far more than she would ever elude to. Michael knew, only because they had met in a weak moment of hers, right after she had - barely - survived the assault her former boss had ordered and partaken in. ‘’You and I have very different notions on death, it seems,’’ she said, looking at him with a now calm smile as her brown eyes sought out his green. ‘’Peace might not be the same for you as for me,’’ she said, shrugging. To her, the notion that she was able to expect the same torture day in and day out was more peaceful than not knowing that would happen the next day. She didn’t care for heaven. She didn’t care for hell. She knew where she was heading and had accepted it.

As they sat down to eat and she had explained what she was doing, she couldn’t help but noticing how his statements made him sound judgmental towards her. ‘’If you are going to judge me, do so rightfully.’’ She then said, slightly displeased with him. She understood why he was trying to guide her towards a more righteous path, but she couldn’t care less. She helped where she was able, and that was better than some people. She shook her head, admitting to herself that it wasn’t fair to doubt his intentions. He had done nothing but help her. ‘’For now, the safe-houses are a private affair. I’m not sure the residents are willing to meet or interact with an archangel - no offense.’’ She said, smiling calmly at him. She needed to stop taking things so personal. She couldn’t walk around, being vexed with someone for something they did in good faith.

As he asked about her future husband - how she envisioned him - she chuckled. ‘’Oh, wouldn’t you like to know?’’ she teased. She knew that he wasn’t baiting for a hint to a possible future with the two of them; it wasn’t something either of them considered, she thought. Her future husband, that would be the man that had been there for her through everything she had been through, although she technically already was married. She needed to file for a divorce as soon as possible.
‘’A better world? That sounds so angelic, to think that’s possible,’’ she said, truly amazed by the fact that he had not lost faith in that possibility. ‘’I have to ask you something, though… it’s rather, weird, I know, but…’’ she said, slightly hesitating. ‘’are we good? You know, after that night at my place? Are you okay with it all?’’ she asked, biting herself on the lower lip. She knew that she might had to explain a bit more, but she truly feared that he had gotten his feelings hurt when she freaked out on him in the bed.

“Yeah, nobody said it had to,” he said, returning her calm smile. Everyone didn’t perceived things the same way, and over time that perception could change as well.
He looked at her slightly condescending, as she said he shouldn’t judge her, only making him look that much more judgmental, but shortly after he just breathed out and relaxed. He believed he knew better, and it was solely in good faith. He wanted her to live a righteous life, but in the end, it was her decision. Her response to his offer, made him nod slowly as he understood that most of the residents were either demons or fallen angels. Neither of which liked Michael. It was probably for the best that he didn’t help then. “I see,” he said.

His smile widened as she teased him for asking. “Oh, I know that I’m every woman’s dream,” he said, obviously teasing. He only asked because he was curious to hear what she valued in a person of such sort. Many were far too shallow or selfish in their answer. She didn’t answer him, making him believe that she didn’t think about getting married anytime soon.
He was an angel of the lord, so of course he believed in that. His father wouldn’t accept anything less, so he never gave up on that. “I try my best to make it better every day… I wish everyone would,” he said. The more good people there were, the better the world would become. “Everything is possible if you have faith,” he then said, knowing that she probably had a hard time believing that.

He leaned slightly forward when she said she had to ask him something, doubting that he would consider it weird coming from her. He narrowed his eyes slightly as she asked if they were good. If they weren’t, he wouldn’t have invited her into his apartment, or joked with her in his uniform. Then he realized she’d probably referred to her kicking him out of bed, making him glance down for a moment. “Yes, we’re good,” he replied, looking into her eyes. He believed that it happened because he’d steered away from his destiny. Had she not pushed him away, he’d probably feel a lot more towards her than now. If she was afraid that he’d gotten hurt, she had no reason to. He didn’t get hurt easily. The only sad thing was how much he’d yearned to feel love, just to get pushed away from it. “What about you? Are you okay with it all?” he returned the question, giving her an opportunity to elaborate on her thoughts.

She had to accept that she sometimes would feel judged by him. To be honest, she felt like shit the moment he looked at her slightly condescending. For a moment, she wanted to get up and leave. She wasn’t going to continue sharing different opinions as they seemed too unlike to ever agree to anything. He was her friend, but not because of his beliefs. She resented those beliefs, in all honesty, although she would never tell him that in a sober state of mind.

The topic had turned towards him being every woman’s dream, making her smirk at him. ‘’It would be too easy for me to agree with you, but that would mean that I also agreed to you being my vision of a future husband. That is a scenario I don’t really envision, to be honest. It would be too much of a cliché with the creature of God and the dark witch to find love in their differences.’’ She said, knowing that this might as well had been her saying that he was lost in the friendzone with her. It wasn’t the truth however - it was simply easier for her to burn any bridge that could lead to potential romance with him before it ever became a topic between them.

As he leaned slightly forward, listening to her question, and clearly got confused by her way of wording it. It wasn’t because she needed him to understand, she just needed to know that he wasn’t going to stab her in the back for what happened that night. ‘’I’m glad,’’ she said as he agreed to them being good. Then, he turned to tables, asking her the same thing. She felt like an idiot for not seeing that coming. Of course, he would ask. ‘’I’ll never be okay with it all, to be completely honest. I feel like a had tried to lead you on, only to reject you when push came to shove. I’m sorry for being such a tease…’’ she said, biting her lower lip slightly. ‘’I thought that when I returned from Bali, I would feel better. The truth is that I still fear sleeping alone. I use the most of my hours of the day working, only to avoid being home.’’ She then admitted, shaking her head. ‘’I feel like I’m shattered. Parts of me wants different things, and they can’t agree on anything.’’

“Well, I wouldn’t expect you to envision marriage with a man you’ve only just met,” he said with a smile. He didn’t envision her to be a suitable wife for him either, but it was the opposite of a cliché. It was as exciting and forbidden as it got. A dark witch and an archangel. It was against all odds for them to fall in love. “For what it's worth, I don’t see it as a possible scenario either,” he then said, just to make it clear that he agreed with her.

“Don’t be sorry… It was my fault,” he said. He was the one who’d been wrong for kissing her. He had been aware of her state of mind, so he should’ve restrained his feelings. He looked into her eyes as she said she was still affected by everything. He placed his hand on top of hers and sent her a calm smile. “Healing takes time and it’s only natural that you’re still dealing with what happened… Many will never experience the suffering you've gone through,” he said, carefully caressing the back of her hand with his thumb. “Just know that I'm here if you need anything,” he said, truly caring about her. If he hadn't, he would’ve left her the moment Jonathan was gone. Moved on to help another person in need. He didn't understand why he felt this way about her, but it could only be because she somehow still needed him. It was the only sensible explanation he had. “You don’t need to sleep alone or overstress your mind at work… it’s okay to take your time and care for yourself,” he said. He didn’t know what went on inside her mind. All he could do was try to put himself in her place, wanting to help with anything he could. He didn’t want her to go through it on her own. “What different things do they want?” he then asked, not sure if he understood what she meant.

She understood completely that he didn't find it a possible scenario - simply because it wasn't. ''Even though, to be fair, love does spring from the most curious places, I've heard. Even by the touch of a hand. Some soldier and an Amazon, I think,'' she said, to make it clear that it had nothing to do with him, but with her idea of the need for love to be present. She liked Michael very much; he was a truly interesting individual. But for them to fall in love, seemed unlikely. Was he even capable of loving like real people did? Was she?

''It's a shared fault, at best. Yet, I am still sorry. My reaction was rather extreme,'' she said, looking at him with a calm smile. It seemed like he had a tendency to take over the blame even when he wasn't the one at fault. A true angelic soul, she thought. As he placed his hand on top of hers, she smiled shortly. Then, he spoke; reminding her that even after she had reacted so harshly to them actually being intimate, he would be there for her. The gentle caress of her hand made her look down at it for a moment, as she simply enjoyed the feeling of being caressed with no further intentions.

The next string of words - telling her that she didn't have to sleep alone or overstress at work - made her shake her head. ''Whenever I'm troubled at mind, I need to submerge myself in something to take up my mind from crumbling. Work is the best solution. It's either that, or... Well, let's just say that I'm trying to cut back on the alcohol,'' she said, looking at him again, with a careful smile. She didn't need to tell him that a bottle of whiskey didn't last through the night when she was troubled at mind. He surely knew that.

''One part wants it all to end. Another part wants to feel even more. Yet another haunts me for not being as intended, while others try to convince me to accept the fact that I am destined to be alone, broken and discarded. They can never agree - the parts - and I end up following different aspects, only to be left as a mess. Sometimes, they shout to overpower one another, and I'm left crippled deaf, blind and unable to feeling anything.'' she admitted. To her, she was as useless as a broken toy or a knife that was only blade and no handle. She had not many purposes, and those she had was contained in a box she knew nothing of how to open.

He listened to what she’d heard about love, smiling calmly at her. Love was complicated and occurred in many forms, but she had plenty of time to experience it. Michael tried not to pursue love because he didn't want to get attached to anyone, but love wasn’t rational and it often showed itself when you least expected it. “And the touch of my hand? It doesn’t make you feel anything?” he asked, mostly to tease her. Although, it would be reassuring if she said it didn't.
 
He tilted his head slightly as she said it was a shared fault. He couldn’t disagree with that. All she had to do was tell him to stop, there had been no reason to shove him, but he also understood where that reaction stemmed from. “That’s true… but I understand. I’ve had similar experiences,” he said adjusting his posture a bit. Needless to say, hell had driven him insane, and he’d been diagnosed with many mental illnesses throughout his life, however this thing in particular was something he’d dealt with most of his life. “I’ve been suffering with PTSD for a long time,” he admitted. Sometimes it came as a surprise to people, but in his line of work, PTSD was a common illness, one that angels recurrently tried to cure him from. “I once beat up a stranger because he came up behind me and my mind was taken back to a time I was ambushed in Vietnam,” he explained. He imagined she’d gotten a flashback to when she was raped and that it hadn’t been her intention to react as she did.

“If that’s what helps you move on, it’s all that matters,” he said. It was only her who knew how she was feeling and if her feeling better stood between working or drinking, she certainly made the right decision. He looked at the bottle in his hand at the mention of alcohol, scoffing briefly. “I guess I’m not being the best support,” he commented, before drinking the rest of his beer and placing the bottle on the table. He drank to forget and to be able to sleep, and although he’d tried to cut back on alcohol many times, it didn’t last for long. He didn’t have any other remedy to help him with those things. He listened to the things her mind directed her towards, understanding that it would lead to one feeling lost. “All you can do is take it one day at a time… because with time things will become clearer,” he said, looking at her with a calm gaze. “Don’t worry too much about it,” he advised, although it was probably easier said than done.

His question wasn’t fair, but she was sure that he already knew that as he asked in such a teasing manner. She felt how she blushed ever so slightly as she looked at his hand to hide the blushing just a bit. ‘’I wouldn’t dare to lie to you,’’ she said, tilting her head a bit. ‘’It does make me feel something,’’ she then stated, without mentioning what it made her feel. It wasn’t like he wanted her to exclaim her love. She knew that - or, at least she thought so.

As the angel explained how he suffered from PTSD, she looked down at the coffee table once more. She didn’t like to talk about such things, to be honest. She knew that most beings suffered from a trauma, but to hear how a son of God suffered as well made her slightly more uncomfortable. Did Michael really not have a break from all the mortal sufferings? ‘’I’m sorry to hear about that… I…’’ she said, hesitating immensely as she actually didn’t know that to say, honestly.

Then, the talk returned to her, mentioning her coping by working instead of drinking. She would still drink, all the time. Just, not when she worked. ‘’You’re being a great support, really,’’ she said, with a little soft smile on her lips. ‘’One day at a time can seem like a daunting task when one is set to live forever unless killed, my friend,’’ she said, looking at him with at ever so soft smile on her lips. She wanted to explain him far more about her mind - how she felt like she wanted more than one thing or how she was torn on if she should go home or spend a night with him once more. They were friends, so she didn’t fear for her safety as she was with him. Still, it could induce some sort of idea that she might be interested in more with him… A notion that wasn’t quite right, but not completely wrong either…

He hadn’t expected her to say it made her feel something, and even though she didn’t specify what that was, he still gave her a slightly different look before he removed his hand to place it on the backrest of the couch instead. “Yeah?” he asked, not really knowing what to say to it. “Well I’m happy you’re honest,” he admitted, sending her a smile before he looked away from her. He knew that she wasn’t interested in him, so she surely didn’t mean anything by it. He did appreciate her honesty, however. He valued that a lot from his friends.

He was surprised to see her reaction, thinking that he might've been completely wrong about the reason she pushed him off. She said nothing of it, so perhaps it had been another reason entirely. It seemed like she didn’t know what to say about it either, so when she said she was sorry he just brushed it off, as if it wasn’t a big deal anyway. “It’s okay,” he said, trying to hide the fact that he wasn’t okay at all. The only consolation was that it had gotten better after his last visit to Heaven.  
He looked into her eyes when she said he was a great support, sending her a calm smile. At least he knew not to open another bottle as he’d first intended. She said taking it a day at a time was daunting, but she had to take his word for it. He was one of the few beings who'd lived close to 300.000 years, so he knew it to be true.

//Out <3