She forgave me... Did she?

Mariella had lost track on when, how and why - all these questions that waited to be answered. She had been sitting on her bed the past hours, just starring at the wall. Jamie had been gone for over a week. She hadn't tried to seek him out. He left her, so why would she seek him out if he didn't need her anyways. Lion hadn't been around the past four days. Not that Mariella had been home to notice. It was what Tiana told her. She got out of her room when she heard the door open, or just simply knew in the back of her head Lion was back in the mansion. Something was off, but not in a bad way - just off. She walked downstairs and met him. The look on his face told her he was hiding something for her - or simply that he had fucked something up.
"What?" She asked and crossed her arms.

Lion should just have it tattoed in his forhead. 'I fuck up'. It was nothing new, butvwhy didn't he learn? He hadn't meant to. He had never thought of Jamie in that way, but as they stood there, he remembered what Reggie had said happened when he first began to question his sexuality. Reggie had kissed him and afterwards Jamie just knew. Why shouldn't he do the same? Jamie was the only guy he knew who liked men so it just made sense. Right after Jamie didn't say anything so Lion just fled. He went to his mothers to hide out for a while. Now he was ready to come back. Facing Mariella would be tough, but not as awkward as seeing Jamie again. Short after he entered the house, Mariella stood before her. He shrugged as she asked what was going on. "I fucked up." He sighed and leaned against the wall. "I have been confused about something and I needed an answer so I.. Uh.." He trailed off. "I kissed him. Jamie." Lion didn't look at her. He couldn't right now.

She shook her head when he said he had fucked up. Wasn't this just on every weeks to do list for him? He leaned against the wall. She lifted her chin a little as he said he had been confused. They had all been confused, and they were all searching for answers - but the next part of the sentence caught her by surprise. Mariella took a deep breath in.
"So you want answers on something about yourself, and you go out and kiss my best friend?" She snorted a little. "Don't get me wrong. I don't care what ever you like. You could get anyone.. pick anyone outside our group.. So what I do care about is somehow you always pick my friends," she added with a more dry voice. Mariella had enough on her plate, enough she couldn't react to or make sense off.
"So this is why you stayed away the last few days. I know you and Karmena kissed.. which is fine, she and I had broken up and no one knew about us.. then you go after Eilish.. who is my best friend.. and now.. you go after my other best friend," she exhaled. Her voice were calm, but she just looked at him like he was a stranger. "When are you going to realize that you can't just do what ever the hell you want... but then again.. Mariella always forgives.. she always understands... no problem there, we will just take some more of hers and hope she doesn't mind.. guess what.. I do mind." Mariella shook her head and moved a little away, she was quick to anger these days.

Lion didn’t know why he was like this. Why did he always hurt the people he cared about? ”I don’t know. I don’t know why I do such stupid things Mariella. If I did, I would stop.” He said. Maybe he was targeting Mariella specifically because of some deep buried jealousy or something he didn’t know of himself. ”I am not going after everyone. I don’t like Jamie, I just needed some clarity and he was there.”
”Don’t you think I know? Every time I do stuff like this I am waiting for the consequences to kick in, and they do you know. I don’t get away with anything. Now you’re talking about yourself. Everyone just forgives you for anything. I look at you and see you screw up and everyone just forgives you no matter what. They don’t forgive me. Jamie hasn’t forgiven me for what happened on the beach, Vanya hasn’t forgiven me for what I did. So don’t come here and say I get away with everything, because I don’t get away with anything.” He took in a deep breath to try and relax. ”I am not trying to take anything from you. You can have Jamie and Eilish. But maybe try and put yourself in my shoes. My best friends are away being all couple-y. The first girl I loved is seeing someone else and my best friend is missing. At least you still have people here for you. I just need someone to count on. Yes, kissing Jamie was stupid and unfair to you, but it didn’t have anything to do with you. I just wanted to be close with someone again.” He kicked himself away from the wall, but didn’t look at her. ”I’m just fucking lonely, okay. I feel like I have nowhere to turn because someone always has it worse than me, but I have problems too.”

"You needed clarity? Guess what, there are billions of people in this fucking world. And you had to choose my best friend.. that gives me some clarity about you - not sure that was what you asked for," she was harsh in her voice. Mariella wasn't in the mood for this sort of drama, but as it was the only drama she had a chance of actually handeling - she did. Mariella shook her head and rolled her eyes shortly by his long speech.
"Maybe if you used your brain to think, you wouldn't have a problem," she added to his first part of the speech. Mostly just mumbling to herself. Mariella narrowed her eyes when he asked her to step in his shoes.
"You shoes? You want me to put myself in your shoes? I need you think a lesson in taking some damn time to realize not everything is about you and there are stuff that you can't control. You need someone to count on? Big news, stop screwing up. All you do is run away, how to you expect people to stand by you when you can't even stand by yourself?" she spoke in anger but she still looked calm. Mariella didn't have the energy. "So while you are here acting up like a little bitch, who only cares about his own loneliness. Your so called best friend is still missing, and we still have no fucking clue where he is. To get your shit together and do something useful for once." she shook her head. "So good news. Everyone is messed up. Everyone feels like shit and drowning yourself in self pity isn't gonna fix anything," Mariella closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. "You have changed.. I'm not sure if its a good thing or a bad thing anymore," she left out a sigh and shook her head.

”Oh so it’s okay for you to marry my best friend, but I can’t kiss yours. You are such a hypocrite Mariella and I’m sick of it. I am so sick of living up to these standards you place over my head, when you don’t even do that yourself.” He was angry. She made him so fucking angry. ”Stop. Just stop acting like you’re so much better than me. You fuck up just much as me, you just have people cleaning it up for you.” He looked directly at her now. It was not easy to face her when he thought she would be disappointed in him, but now she was angry and he could handle that better than disappointment. He scoffed at her words. ”You’re one to talk. Do you seriously not see it? ‘Oh no we can’t do that because it might hurt Mariella, she has been through enough.’ You are so full of yourself and the worst part is you don’t even see it. You don’t see how everyone is so considerate of you. Nobody else matters but you.” He crossed his arms. ”You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about. Do you think I run away because I want to? I run away to try and save everyone else. But of course nobody notice this, because you always manage to outshine me. It has always been like that.” He shook his head. ”You know what? You can find him yourself. I am done with you treating me like I am not good enough.” He walked closer to her. ”I have changed. I am done living in your shadow. You can go ahead and find my best friend yourself, because clearly I can’t do anything useful, so I’m just going to be in the way.” He narrowed his eyes and turned around towards the door. ”I am not running away, I am just cutting a toxic person out of my life.” He walked out of the house again.

"You are just jealous because you can't figure out to function in an actual relationship," she said without looking slightly mad about his comment. "Yes I fuck up and I deal with what I have done. I don't crawl around hiding myself just because I did something stupid. I take responsibility for my actions, unlike you," she added in the same natural tone. She was done having freak out on him.
"And here we go again. You want to blame me? Go ahead if that makes you feel any better Lion," she took a deep breath in as he walked closer to her. "Is there anything else, or would you prefer swinging another fist at me?" She lifted a brow at him and just looked in his eyes.  
"I might be toxic, but at least I don't bail on people," she pointed out as she watched him leave. Mariella left out a sigh and left the hall. She didn't have time for this.

//Out <3