Separation anxiety

She had been sitting here for hours. Usually she had done this everyday since their fight. She was just laying on the bed staring out into the thin air. Her mind was replaying everything she had said, everything Lion had said. The worst part was, she was repeating everything bad that had happened in 2019 that could have been avoided. Avoided if Lion hadn't saved her. As if her guilt hadn't been build up quite a lot lately, this was just the cherry on top. Mariella sat up and picked up a picture frame. They hadn't taken a lot of photos while being in 2019, but there was a few. Mariella knew she had pushed him to far, but what if she just had needed her brother? She wasn't good at telling people when she needed them, Jamie and Reginald she could - but she hated feeling needy or like a burden to others. Mariella felt the darkness tickelring in her fingers, as she took a deep breath in to calm it down. Yin and yang were out of sync and she felt that. She had a close eye on the photo before picking up her phone, she was so close to call him. Just to scream at him in tears that she was sorry. That he was an idiot for leaving with them, but why was she really so angry with him? Maybe she just needed her brother more than she let on. However she closed her tearfilled eyes and put her phone down. Mariella exhaled tried to just find some sort of balance in her feelings, but it was a bigger struggle than expected.

Outfit

Jamie had left Marie alone when he felt she had needed it, but he also strived to be there for her. He hadn’t seen everything that went on that day on the beach, but she had told him enough to know Lion had passed the line. Marie was not guilt free, and he recognized that, but he still stood by her. She had been so much, and he wanted to be the friend she deserved. Not to undermine what Lion had been through, but he just knew more about Mariella’s stuff. He walked to Lion’s room and stood in the door. He knocked on the doorframe. ”Do you want company?” He asked, wanting to make sure if she wanted to be alone or not. ”Lion is being a bloody doongi, but I miss him too,” he admitted and walked further into the room, although ready to leave if she wanted to be alone. He would respect it, but not necessarily agree. He sat down on the bed next to her. ”Do you want to talk about it? Or do you just want to sit here and be sad. I will be sad with you.” Mariella and Lion might share their special twin-bond, but he shared a bond with Marie too. Maybe not quite the strength of theirs, but he was sad when she was, happy when she was. He wanted for all in the world her to be happy. She wasn’t right now, and it bothered him more than he could express. How could he be happy, when she wasn’t? It was selfish of him to be. And what good would happiness be, if he couldn’t share it with his best friend?

Mariella gave Jamie a little nod, so he knew he could come in. She took a deep breath in before exhaling.
"I’m just having a mare today," she explained and closed her eyes. "I don't want to be sad.. I hate being this sad Jem," she shook her head by her own thoughts that screamed to her. Mariella didn't look at Jamie, it would make her have to face what ever hurricane that roamed - and she wasn't sure if her inner darkness could handle that right now. "I lost it.. I just snapped at him. I just wanted him to come back here.. that was all I wanted.. I thought she was controlling him first.. but I was wrong," she took another deep breath in feeling the tears running over her cheeks.
"But it not what haunts my mind.. it was something he said.. about something he did.. and now I can't stop thinking about it," she removed some of her tears. Mariella was normally used to words being used against her as a weapon - but this was different.
"When I first traveled back here.. He was so strange.. Like was seeing a ghost," she told and tried to believe it wasn't true - but knew Lion would never throw out a lie like this in anger. "He traveled back in time.. saved my life.. which means.. I wasn't supposed to be here at all.. that everything that has happened is because I am a time aberration.. Everything that has gone wrong after that, has something do to with me.. Reginald and Melania wouldn't have gone through hell.. Karmena wouldn't have died and lost.. never mind.. Lion wouldn't have been pushed in hell.. and you wouldn't have had to go there.. I'm the toxic person in this household.." she sighed and let herself fall back into the bed just wanted to scream and stop overthinking everything.
"I pushed him. I should just have walked away but I'm to messed up, so I overstepped. I deserved what I got. I just wish no one else had to suffer for my actions."

Jamie nodded to her words. He wasn’t having the best day either. ”Being sad sucks. But we can’t avoid it. I guess we all just have to find a way to work through it,” he said and just listened to her. To all of it. He furrowed his brows when she explained what Lion had done. He had trouble wrapping his head around it. A life without her? He couldn’t even imagine. He surely wouldn’t be as happy. He laid down in bed next to her, using his hand to hold his head up. ”I don’t believe that. I’m not an expert on time travel. But even my sister would agree, you are not what is wrong with time. We have all done things we shouldn’t have that messed with time. Who’s to say what causes what. You are not toxic Mariella. You’re a blessing.” He put his free hand on her cheek, stroking it with his thumb. ”I wouldn’t have survived without you. I don’t think anyone of us would have. Least of all Lion. He messed with time, but he didn’t destroy anything. He changed it into how it was supposed to be. This world is a mysterious place. Who’s to say it wasn’t destiny that he went back to save you.” He sighed, as he wasn’t making his point clear. ”My point is, nobody can know if him not saving you would have made a difference. We might all still had gone to hell. Don’t blame yourself for things out of your control. Don’t you think Melania would have followed just Reg, don’t you think Karmena could have been killed without you there? I’m sorry to say, but not everything is about you. Bad things would happen if you were there or not.” He didn’t mean to sound harsh, so he made sure to know a small smile was decorating his lips. ”And I know what you’re thinking. Don’t do it. Don’t try and change it back,” he said and let his hands stroke her hair instead of her cheek. ”I think you of all people know what it’s like to be in a dysfunctional relationship. I don’t think Lion wants to stay, but he’s not ready to leave yet. When he is, he will find a way back to us. I just hope things aren’t to messed up when he does,” he said, removing his hand and lowering himself into the bed. ”You know you are not the only one blaming yourself, right? I do that all the time. You don’t have to go through anything alone.” Reginald was maybe not in the best place right now, but he didn’t doubt her husband would come running if she needed him to. But at the moment, Jamie was in a better place than Reggie, so he would happily let Mariella lean on him.

Mariella snorted a bit when he said she was a blessing, there wasn't much room left in her brain to take in a word like that. She turned her head to the side and looked him in the eye when he said he wouldn't had survived without her. It wasn't because she wanted to look like she was so unlucky and everything was wrong. That was her point, she had so much and she was so grateful for what she had. The thought made her tear a bit up, if Sophie just had killed Reginald - he would have been all alone till Melania got there. That cold thought made her bite her lower lip pretty hard. She moved her eyes from Jamie when he said this wasn't all about her.
"Lion said the same thing. And you are both right. It's not about me, its about what happened to you - all of you," she breathed out. Mariella closed her eyes for a second, and opened them the second he seemed to know one of her many thoughts. "And how many times do you think I didn't beg for him to see trough me and get me out? Lion needs the push to realize what is going on around him. He acts on impulses, and thinks later - so do I, but he is far worse.. and I don't want him to live through what I did," she sighed and sat back up. "I'm not alone. That is the thing. I have all of you. And I love you all so much, but.." Mariella got up from the bed and walked around in Lions room.
"I also know what its like to push everyone away because I didn't believe I deserved anything but what I got. So people looked down at me for a while.. or at least the core four.. I broke Karmenas heart.. so that was fair.. but the pushing away was all me. And now Lion is repeating my mistake, making himself believe that none of us give a shit and.. that is what is breaking my heart," she breathed out as she admitted one of hundred things that was pierced into her heart.
"I love my brother.. and I pushed him to hard.. it still doesn't make his actions okay - but I would forgive him in a heart beat." She wondered what would happen if they just stopped blaming themselves and accepted the actions around them instead.

Jamie could understand having so harsh thoughts about yourself, that compliments almost seemed like lies. He had been there. He was still there sometimes. Jamie came across as overly confident, and it wasn’t an act. Most of the times, he did believe in himself and his abilities, but he still got insecure. He was sometimes crippled by it, feeling that all he did was wrong or wasn’t good enough. He didn’t voice these thoughts. Not because he didn’t trust his friends, but because they felt private. If he first said it, it was real. Right now, he could keep them his secret.
He listened to her. Jamie didn’t think she needed advice, he thought she needed to vent, to talk everything out. He sat up when she left the bed. ”So let’s show him that we do care. At the beach he acted out, because of the reasons you said. He needs to know that nothing has changed. That he can come back, and everything will be the same.” He sighed when he remembered not everything would be the same. Vanya still wouldn’t remember. ”Almost everything,” he added.
Jamie got up and walked to her. ”I know you will. We all forgive each other all the time. I for one know a little about forgiveness.” It just came naturally to him to forgive people. It didn’t happen overnight, but he could forgive the people he loved for everything. Sophie was a perfect example of that. ”He is lost, but always say, that everything lost can be found again. It’s going be okay. He just needs to feel welcome when he comes back.” The worst thing would be, if Lion got into an argument with anyone. He might act angry, but it was Jamie’s experience, he mostly acted like that, because he was hurt or felt cornered.

She listened to him reply to her thoughts.
"But things has changed. I don't know.. things flip to quickly around here. Its like you are one person the first day and two days after everything has flipped. I warned him about not to do it," she breathed out. Her mind couldn't really handle thinking about how quick he had forgiven Sophie for her actions - but again, wouldn't she have done the same if it had been Tiana? "I'm lost too Jem. I feel like I'm holding onto everything, but its turning into sand running through my fingers," she felt her breathing going a bit unsteady as she teared up again. It wasn't just Lion, Lion was just the top of the mountain.
"I need to find a way to help Reg.. and I don't know what. There has to be a way for him not to struggle with all that darkness. I can take some of it, and it doesn't effect me to be around it.. but he is afraid of it, and if to much shit goes loose around here.. I don't know how he will be able to stay in control," she shared her fears with Jamie because she knew she could. Mariella wasn't afraid of his darkness, she had lived in darkness way to long to be afraid of it. But she knew it was a longer process to accept it- even longer yet to understand it. "I met someone when we went to get Kit.. an angel of death.. she was so filled up with this dark energy it almost could have lured me.. if I could strike a deal with her.. maybe she could help.. I just feel like I need to do something."