Just what you need

Her baby boy wasn't more than a week old by now, he was so tiny and all she wanted to do was to protect him against all evil in this world. Lili had finally gotten her son to sleep, or he was quite good at that. Roy was out getting some stuff, being the only one not feeding on blood in the house - he needed some real food. Lili went out of her and Roys bedroom where Jamie was sleeping at the moment. It was as she took a few steps out, a overwhelming feeling of guilt seemed to fill out the house downstairs. A bomb of sad emotions. Lili narrowed her eyes for a second before walking down. There he was. She had only seen him that one day. Lilis eyes met him for a while, before she opened her arms - letting him know he could come to her.

Outfit: jeans and a white shirt.

Jamie had been close to death. He had seen his friends die or been close to death before, but never experienced it himself. He didn't want to ruin time by seeking out his mother, but she was all he needed right now. He had gone to their house. The house he had grown up in. He was standing by the door when she came downstairs. He turned to her and saw her inviting arms. "Mum" he said and walked to her, locking his arms around her. He felt safe again now. Nothing could hurt him when he was with his mother. He knew he had just been born and being in the same place as his younger self was probably not a good idea. He needed his mother to keep his sanity. Screw the rules.

He went into her arms, and she wrapped hers around him - I’m hoping of releasing some of the frustration that haunted him. She had her left hand on the back of his head, and the other was caressing his back gently. ”Shhh. It’s okay,” she said spoke with a soft harmonic voice. Her energy was calming, but not with the intention of replacing his emotions with something else. She didn’t want him to feel this much darkness and pain, but if she took it - she would remove a part of him. And even through darkness was scary, you sometimes learned more about yourself in it. Lili had hoped that she wouldn’t have to help him out of a situation like this, but she also knew she was capable of giving him advice. Lili just stood there with him as long as he needed.

Jamie allowed some sobs to leave his body. He had been in much more pain that he let people know. He didn’t want to worry the others. They all had so many things of their owns to deal with. He didn’t want to add on. Mostly he had just stayed away, found excuses why he was not in the house. In reality he was walking around town, trying not to attack anything with a pulse. He had been so hungry the last few weeks. It seemed like nothing was enough for him. He felt calmer already. Her presence had always done that to him. Maybe it was her ability, or maybe it was simply because she was his mum. Probably a mix of the two. ”I can’t do this,” he said through a few more sobs. He didn’t know how to be strong enough to fight through this.

He was at a breaking point, and it tore her heart into pieces, not having been able to stop whoever had hurt him. Lili just caressed his back and held him close, slowly moving them the few steps it cook to get to the sofa. Lili cupped his face with her hand and looked into his eyes.
”I don’t know what happened. You can tell me if you want to, but if you don’t. It’s okay.” she started out and caressed his cheek with her left thumb. ”I know you are afraid. But fear is a demon, just close your eyes and tell yourself that you are not afraid. That is how you slay the demon,” it was a typical saying she often used. But it had worked for her every time, reminding herself that she could kill the demon inside her head.

He sat down in the couch with her, leaning his head into her hand. ”I try. You have told me to before, but I can’t. I am scared all the time.” He sighed, tears appearing in his eyes. ”My thoughts don’t work like anyone else. If I get angry at someone, if I even think of the possibility of hurting someone, I feel like I already have hurt them. Everything I do might lead to someone bad. If I don’t keep everything exactly the way it’s supposed to be, how can I make sure somebody can’t be hurt? What if everyone is hurt because I didn’t do anything perfectly?” He pulled out of her hands. He needed to stand on his own. This was tearing him apart. He had only expressed this fully once. Theo had managed to get him to talk about it. Mariella knew a little too, but not everything. ”All I see in my mind is everyone I care about dying. I see you and dad being hurt because I couldn’t just be what everyone needed me to be. If I can’t be helpful, the what good am I?” He took in a sharp breath. ”Lucifer should have kept me. That way I can’t hurt anyone.” He put his hands on his head. His thoughts were getting out of control. He took in deep breaths, and managed to regain a little control. ”I’m sorry mum. I shouldn’t have come.” He didn’t want to leave her, but it wasn’t fair for him to bring her into it. ”I’m sorry,” he repeated and walked towards the door. He put his hand just above the handle. He hesitated to open the door. Something inside him told him he had to make sure the handle still worked. He opened the door and closed it again several times. He couldn’t stop himself. The thoughts took control of his actions.

He moved away from her, but the pain felt the room with so much hurt. Lili listened to him, guilt and pain all these emotions that let to fear. Lili got up and used her vampire speed to run up in front of him.
” You are not leaving this house till we have talked this out young man” she said a little more serious. A serious Lili was not to mess with. She took his hand and walked him back to the sofa and helped him sit down. Lili sat down in front of him and grabbed his hands.
”You are not in charge of faith. You are not responsible for what happens in your past or your future - only in your present. she pointed out with a hint of a smile.
” upstairs there is a little boy sleeping. No worries about the world. No evil thoughts. We come in to this world so innocent, even through we are creatures of darkness. We believe by the slightest chance that we are doomed and unable to be happy.” she caressed his hand and took a deep breath. “ But I never knew what love truely was till I had you in my arms. And nothing in the entire world could ever change that. You are not hurting anyone, you are hurting. That is a difference. Lucifer is a coward and petty taking the time to torment you and your friends.. what does it say about the devil? Tormenting teenagers? It’s a low level, and one day he will suffer great for that mistake.”

Jamie knew better than to go against his mother. If she said they had to talk, they had to talk. He let her lead him back to the couch where he sat down. He kept his focus on their hands. ”I don’t think that’s true. Lately I have felt out of control,” he said. He could see what she meant, but he had been through so many things lately, that he couldn’t believe he had any responsibility over that. If he did, what did that say about him? Was he supposed to fight Lucifer to take back control?
His gaze met hers shortly when he mentioned he was sleeping upstairs. He listened to her words. She had a point, as usual. He let out a deep breath. ”I just don’t know how to handle all of this. I’m so scared she will find me again, that she will take me and….” He couldn’t finish his own thought. He was so scared what would happen if he did something to fight back. Lucifer was going to kill Raymond in the future, what if she did something even worse? ”I feel lost,” he admitted with tears making his eye seem clear

"You want to learn a secret?" She asked when he said he didn't know how to handle all this. Lili gave his hand a little squeeze. "First step is realizing there is something bothering you. And you tell others about your fears. I saw you and two of your friends. You have friends that will do everything for you," she smiled a little by that thought. "You are not alone. This is not a burden you have to carry around by yourself, its okay to ask for help. Its okay not to be the strong one all the time," she added as she slowly breathed out. Lili hated that she couldn't just promise that Lucifer never would find him again. But she could do her best to help along the way. Maybe she should ask her mother for some help or her father.
"We all feel lost time to time, and that is okay. It is okay not to know what going to happen on the next page," she took caressed his hand with her thumb. "When I was your age, I was running with some pretty dangerous demons. People who wanted to use my abilities for what they believed was good. And I was so lost for a long time, but I found friends who helped me through it."