I did it for you - Ben

@Ben

When he woke up, he was a bit disoriented, as he looked around the room he was in - all dark though, which made it hard to see what and where he was? Though he could feel he was laying down, on something soft, probably a bed? But he already knew he wasn’t at home, all he other senses told him that. Where could he be? He tried to sit up, but as soon as he did, an excruciating pain went all the way thought his body, and he slipped out a soft moan of discomfort. What is happening? he tried lifting his arms instead, didn’t hurt as mush, he hold his hands out to look at, now his eyes had gotten more used to the darkness. One of them was covered with something - it looked like bandage? What? Did I hurt myself? When? he thought, still disoriented, he couldn’t remember what had happened. Even though he was in fact at the hospital, one leg covered in gauze, as it was broken. One wrist also covered in bandage, as it was sprained. He had also injured his tailbone, and was filled with scrapes and scratches all over, one really deep wound over his left eyebrow, which he had gotten stitched.

As he moved his arms back down, something catches his eyes, a shadow, which as longer as he looked at it - became more clear, and started to look a lot like Ben, even though it was hard to see him, from the laying down position Cody was in. Why is he here? Where is here?? He kept looking at Ben, at he felt a slight panic starting in his chest, something was clearly wrong, and it really made him sick not to know why, where when or what! At least it helped a bit with a familiar face.. It looks like his sleeping.. his eyes is closed.. What time is it? he’s mind went on and on with all the questions, he didn’t have any answers to.. as he kept starring at the siren, hoping that he would magically make him wake up, rise from the chair and walk over.. and explain all of this?! Please?
And no.. Cody did not think about what a great idea it would’ve been to just.. speak up? Instead he just lay there all confused, panicking and feeling helpless, in the middle of the night, somewhere he didn’t know, unable to move.. till he started to cry, and probably made a bit of a noise.

When Ben had gotten a call from the hospital and was told Cody had gotten hurt, it was needless to say he had been scared shitless. He knew the angel would probably do something stupid after their fight last time, and of course, he got hurt. Ben had been half-cuddling with Damien on the couch, eating his favourite snacks and nagging the hybrid about the tattoo on his collarbone, when he got the call. And holy shit, never had he gotten clothes on and headed out the door so fast after a call. He had been lucky that his mother was out of town and had let him loan the car, because that made it much easier to get to the hospital.

When he had gotten there, he must've looked like a mess, as the first thing a nurse did, was to tell him that Cody was perfectly fine, he was just unconscious and had a few broken bones, but it was nothing to be too worried about. It did help him relax a bit, but when he was shown into the room, he felt terrible about his last words to the angel. And there he was. He looked so oddly small in the hospital bed, with the chunky plaster cast on his leg and wrapped in more gauze than Ben would've liked. But he was okay. No bite wounds or permanent damage. The nurse had left him, saying he could spend the night if he wanted to, and then they were alone.

Pulling a chair over to the angel's bedside, he had been sitting there, holding the unharmed hand between his own. Ben had been slouching more and more, until he had been sitting with his crossed arms on the bedside, and later rested his head on his arms before sleeping. At one point a nurse had urged him to sit back in the recliner, and gave him a blanket to sleep with. Ben had then pulled his legs up to his chest, and used the recline to half-lay against with his side. Ben was wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and a black hoodie, as well as a pair of fuzzy blue socks - the first things he had managed to grab before running out the door.
Although he was sleeping, it wasn't a deep sleep, because when Cody moaned in pain, he was pulled a little out of his sleep. Not enough to wake up, but enough to be somewhat aware of his surroundings. At least he didn't wake up until he heard crying. When he did, he slowly blinked his eyes open, looking disoriented as he was figuring out what was going on. It didn't take long though, and he moved to sit properly in the chair, his feet back on the floor, so he could lean forward and gently hold the angel's hand again. "Hey, Cody, relax, you're safe," he said, his voice drunk with sleep. "Is there anything I can do to help you?"

Luckily his crying seemed to wake up the siren, which he couldn’t be more selfish about - as he simply couldn’t stand to be alone one more second. But well, if there was any time for him to be selfish, it was now - Ben wouldn’t blame him, no, it was okay. He made a slight nod, it wasn’t even the words, just the voice he knew so well - which seemed to calm him a bit, or he just went for hysterical crying to more silent crying - and of cause the hand holding! He grabbed Ben’s hand and squeezed it tight as soon as the siren picked up his hand.
Was there anything he could do to help?? Oh.. well.. there was a million things! kiss me please.. Kiss me and hold me and never let go, stay with me forever.. I love you so much! But.. he couldn’t really ask that, now could he..

”Tell me.. what happened?” he whispered in a hoarse voice, feeling how dry his mouth was.. ”Can I get some water?” he then asked, a bit louder now. He started into the beautiful eyes belonging to his one true love, he’d really missed those eyes.. staring into them, everything else just lost it’s meaning.. it didn’t even matter.. those eyes, that boy.. that was all to him, all the meaning he needed all that really mattered.

With his free hand, Ben started to gently wipe the tears off Cody's cheeks as the angel started to calm down a little. His other hand, the one holding the angel's, he squeezed back and offered him a soft smile of relief that the angel wasn't worse off than he was. Broken bones were gonna heal, and although Ben did feel a bit guilty about it, he was still relieved that this seemed to be all that had happened.

Cody's question did worry him a bit, but the nurse had said he seemed to have hit his head, but it wasn't serious, so he probably shouldn't be too concerned. He was about to reply, when Cody asked for water, and Ben nodded. "Of course," he whispered, before getting up from the bed to fetch some. He grabbed a plastic cup by the sink and poured some cold water up for the angel. "I don't know the details of what happened, just that you fell and someone called for an ambulance. Your leg is broken and your wrist is sprained, but you'll be all healed up in about a month. The nurse said you can go home as soon as you feel up to par," he said as he walked back to the bed to give the angel the cup. Then he sat down on the edge of the bed and waited until Cody set the cup aside before speaking up again. "I'm sorry about everything that happened last time. I was an asshole and I didn't want to look for a solution to anything because I was so scared of letting you down, but... well, I still let you down and put you in danger." While he was speaking he looked down at his own hands, with which he was fidgeting around with a loose thread on the sleeve of his hoodie. He felt terrible about being the reason behind Cody getting hurt and couldn't even look the angel in the eye.

He made a few quick snuffles as Ben started to wipe away his tears, and as he squeezed his hand, Cody seemed to calm down a bit more. That little act of kindness was all he really needed, from the boy which touch meant more to him than any others. Even when Ben got up to find him some water, he could still feel the warmth from where his fingers had touched him - no one else left that kind of invincible mark, it was burning all the way through his skin, through bones and muscles - till it reached the very core of his soul - where it would probably burn forever - but in a good way, the kinda way that leaves you relaxed and heated form the inside - like a fireplace or a hot chocolate.
A soft smile made its way to his lips, as he watch the siren from across the room - though it was soon to be gone, as Ben started talking..
And very slow and very blurry his memories started coming back to him.. if just they hadn’t..
Oh nononono! Stop! I don’t wanna remember that.. I don’t wanna ever think about it again! Never!
Oh no, he needed to sit up, was he going to be sick? Oh nononono!
He struggled a little to find the remote that controlled the bed, before he could push the right button, and the upper half of the bed started to move slowly up.. he put the remote back when he was sitting almost straight.. even though it was really painful for his lower back, he just had to breath through the pain, he just felt so helpless and out of control laying down.. Oh no.. would he even be able to walk??!

He was now being handed the water, as he just sat aside, not sure that it would stay down if he tried to swallow it.. afraid it would just, make his nausea worse.
But.. then Ben started talking again.. and as always he just totally forgot about his own needs and problems.. that sad tone, it went straight to his heart.. he couldn’t bear it, no more unhappiness! Oh and he knew just how to make the siren happy! Even though he felt like he’d been through hell, one good thing had come form it.
”Don’t be, it’s not your fault, I kinda spurted it on you, it wasn’t fair.. I shouldn’t have excepted anything, just.. forget about it, it was silly, I’m sorry.. and.. I’m sorry for just leaving like that, really.. but well.. I went to that club you work at.. and talked to the demon.. and... he said if you don’t wanna do that.. that thing you don’t wanna do.. well.. you don’t have to do it anymore! So yea, one good thing came from it.. so please, don’t be sad, Im okay, just.. clumsy, you know me, it’s not the first time I’d fallen over my own feet’s.. don’t worry, okay?”
He said, smiling a bit in the end, trying not to think about that nasty thing Liam had made him do, so that Ben could be free.. he wasn’t going to tell him that, no way! He could hardly think about without getting sick, so how should he ever be able to talk about?! Nono! He just wanted to forget it all.. yea.. and.. become a Munk, right! Now that Ben had rejected him and all, he didn’t had the need or the desire for sex any more, the only one he’d ever really wanted was Ben anyways. So becoming a Munk seemed rather fitting.

Ben listened to what Cody said in silence, deciding not to interrupt him with his own thoughts, although he really wanted to. But no, for once he let the angel speak his mind completely before saying anything. Even so, he did grab Cody's unharmed hand and held it gently with both of his own hands, looking into the angel's eyes once more. He still felt bad, incredibly so, but here Cody was, apologising.

"First of all, you matter, and your feelings matter. No matter what the outcome would've been, I should've been more considerate and thought about things from your perspective, instead of just worrying," he said, a little sternly because damn it, he cared okay! He then moved a little closer, diverting his gaze down to their hands instead. "And as much as I appreciate your effort to get me out of... well, that job, I'm still worried about... about us... I keep thinking that maybe, even if I tried to date you, I'd end up disappointing you, or worse, hurt you... And that thought scares me."

Cody shook his head a bit confused, as he had a hard time understanding what Ben was saying, but it sounded like a apology, which he didn't like. Why? Well, he just never had, he'd always taken the fault for everything, every time he had the chance, it maybe sounded weird, but. Well. Maybe just because he didn't like to see Ben sad or hurt? He'd always been so awful overprotective towards him, he couldn't help it, all he ever wanted was to see the dear siren happy, and why should that be so hard anyways! No matter what he said or did, Ben just.. argh!
And then he did something, completely out of character.. He pulled his hand free frem Ben's clinch, looking a bit away, ah he could feel the tears wilding up again! Argh! Stop crying dammit! You're so soft!

"I doesn't matter, you shouldn't feel like that anyway.. It's all wrong, I just.. Can't we just.. Just forget it please, I can't take no more, it's killing me.. please.. just.. let it go.." He whispered, looking away, not brave enough to meet the sirens eyes, he felt like he was about to die of heartache.
No. No you could never disappoint me, never. But, you are already hurting me, in fact you're killing me, I can't do this, I'm not strong enough, either you want me or you don't. All the unknowing, no I can't, I'll die! But.. It's not even that.. You look so sad, so unhappy, and if this.. me.. me and my stupid confession makes you this unhappy, no, no you shouldn't be with me then, you shouldn't feel like this, like forced.. Just.. Just don't leave me hanging.. Just tell me no, just.. end it..

Ben frowned when Cody insisted that he should forget about everything, like nothing had happened. But how would he be able to do that? No matter what happened from here on out, there would always be that confession between them. None of them would forget it, ever, so they had to do something about it, and not just push it under a rug.
"I don't want to forget about it," he said stubbornly, crossing his arms across his chest in a slightly child-like manner. It disappeared quite quickly though, as what he was about to say was a bit more serious. "I don't want to forget that there's actually someone who doesn't just love me for my looks or voice, but actually likes... well... me... as a person and not just as a pretty thing to collect," he admitted, before scooting a little closer to the angel. He reached his hand out again to Cody's, gently lacing their fingers together.

"So, if it's not too late, and you don't hate me, I... I would like to give us a shot." He averted his eyes as soon as he said it, a little scared of the angel's reaction. Because what if he had realised what an asshole Ben was after everything that had happened? What if he had changed his mind after talking to Liam, and saw Ben for the common whore that he was? It was scary to think that could've happened. But maybe that was why he told him to forget about it?
He kept his worries to himself though, looking away from Cody in fear of the possible rejection, and to hide that fear away from the angel. He just had to... well, endure it, if that was to come. At least until he could leave. He wouldn't cry if or when he got rejected, Cody shouldn't feel bad for taking a stand.

He manged to get the angels attention again, whit his little outburst - but maybe not like he thought he would. As Cody's eyes went back to look at the siren, but the look in his eyes had rather changed, he was concerned now, is he mad at me? Why..
"Uhm, sorry.." He whispered slowly, it was never his intention to make the siren upset, now see! Stupid angel, always saying all the wrong things, now look what you've done!

Cody was about to look away again, when Ben decided he wasn't done yelling, or okay, he maybe wasn't yelling at Cody, but it kinda felt that way, but oh.. only for a second, till Cody actually got it, what Ben was telling him. "You could were a bag over your head, and have your lips covering in tape, and I would still love you.." he whispered, trying to sound romantic.. as.. he got the image in his head.. "Uff no! argh! Forget about that, that sounded.. eew.. okay.. but you know what I mean! I love you no matter what.." He tried and corrected himself, because eww Cody! Why do you always say things like that, that's not romantic, that's nasty! Don't ever put a bag over his head! Argh! You could actually kill him if you did! You stupid moron!

"Sorry!" He exclaimed, starting to panic.. Not even a tiny bit observant on how close Ben had leant in, not before he could feel his warm touch, and his fingers trying to hold his own. He blushed. Of cause he blushed! But argh! Who wouldn't? God he was stupid right now, it had to be the medicine! Making him all weird and stuff!
"WHAT?!" He then kinda yelled, as Ben finally got a chance to finish what he was trying to tell Cody.. WHAT?! NO?! No! Can't be, isen't real.. can't be!
"Really?! Or I mean, what, or I mean.. what really? What?!" He stumbled over each and every word, as his puls had gone up way to high, and he started to feel some trouble while breathing.. Oh God! OH GOD!

But wait.. if he's saying.. what I think his saying? Of cause his saying that stupid moron, what else would he be saying?! But.. but.. why would he.. why. Well maybe he can't see how much of a stupid moron you are! But but but, what do I do, what do I.. what. Try a yes, and if you're to paralysed and stupid to talk, just nod..
But wait.. that wouldn't make him happy, I can't do that! NO! To hell with it! I finally gets what I want! After all this time..
And I could kiss him.. god.. I could actually kiss him.. oh no, I don't think I can! I don't know if, what if I suck, what if he finds out I just suck at everything, and doesn't want me anymore, what if he just kiss me, and then.. never kisses me again.. oh nononono! Better to not.. I can't
God! Suck it up! Pull yourself together! Argh!

Wow okay, he felt like he was about to explode, on serval reasons.. till he just, he just pulled at Bens hand, pulling him closer. If his other hand could just work, he could, but no.. had to do this the hard and awkward way.. but oh well, if it wasn't just a tiny bit awkward, was it even Cody then?
"Please.." he whispered as he pulled the siren the last couple of inches, just close enough, so he could lean a bit forward, totally ignoring the pain his body was in, something like this was much much more important! Till they were just as close as once can get.. and he leant in and closed the air between then, as their lips finally met, and Cody moaned out softly "Benjamin.."

Ben was honestly not surprised about Cody's rambling - the angel had a tendency to do so when he was stressed, so he just waited it out and mumbled a quick "Don't worry about it," to the apology, before saying what he felt was needed to be said. And honestly, Ben didn't know what he expected, but it certainly wasn't whatever Cody gave him. He just... continued not to look up at the angel, and loosened his grip on the other's hand a little, thinking that he was in for a rejection. And Cody just... kept... rambling. His odds didn't seem that great.

But to his surprise, he didn't get the rejection. He looked up at Cody, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion as he was pulled closer, and then he suddenly understood. A blush made its way to Ben's cheeks and he swallowed the lump in his throat that had been stuck for far too long. His gaze wandered down to Cody's lips as they were oh so close, and he finally closed his eyes, when their lips met.

Ben was used to kisses being quick and eager, pursuing something more than just that. The only exception was with Damien, but that was something entirely different than this. This kiss had a small promise in it - that Ben would try to make it work. He didn't think highly of himself, but he did think highly of his relationship to the angel, and he desperately wanted to make it work. But the soft moan of his name ignited something in Ben. Not lust, per se, but rather some sort of yearning.
He pressed forward more, so Cody could lean back on the bed and lay down comfortably, although that just put himself in an awkward position. So to combat that, he ended the kiss shortly to climb up on top of the angel, carefully straddling his hips, without disturbing any injured limbs. He then leaned down to once more catch Cody's lips, claiming them in another soft kiss. Meanwhile one of his hands snaked itself into the angel's hair, gently running his fingers through the dark strands, while the other rested on his chest, right above his heart.

Oh and the joy he felt, when the siren kissed him back. It was a feeling so indescribably, as nothing else he had ever felt - and now it just meant so much more to him. Like this huge burden was lifted from his shoulders, his secret was out there - and maybe Ben had pushed it away in the start, but now he embraced it. Maybe it wasn't much he was given, but it was a start, a chance to turn it into something good, something great - and that was really all he could ever hope for.
So he was beyond happy, yes.

And then something even more amazing, and kind of scary happened. One of those things were you could really tell, the difference between the two. Not that they were very similar at all - actually it was kind of a miracle that they were even friends, and able to hang out - people questioned there friendship all the time - how could they stand each other? But oh well - when you'd been friends for that long, it just seemed like the most natural thing in the world - and again, they had been friends before all the changes - mostly those Ben had gone though in his teen years..
Not that it hadn't been a struggle - but here they were, still friends - and now maybe even something more.

But it was the kiss, and Ben who decided to climb into the bed - on top of Cody - making the kiss - something else..
And maybe - for Ben - it was oh so innocent, of cause it was, he was so.. experienced, this could hardly mean anything to him.. but for Cody? He'd be totally swooned by this - cos' just - wow!
Just let him touch me, somewhere, anywhere - and I'll go totally limp and will-less? Is this what people mean by butter melting?
But how could it even be a surprise, this feeling of panic that startled him - that was really just: the exact feeling that startles virgins on being touched for the first time by the person they desire: he stirs nerves in them they never knew existed and that produce far, far more disturbing pleasures than they are used to on their own.

A small moan escaped his lips, as something between his legs grew hard, and filled out the space in his underwear. So he did the only thing one could do in a situation like that - he panicked. His heart started to race along with his fast breathing, as he blushed and whined a bit, trying to pull back - but there wasn't anywhere to go, nowhere to hide this time! Oh god no - this is to embarrassing! Why can't I control this, god no! Please don't notice, please don't!

Ben had felt calm sitting there on top of Cody. It was just kissing, nothing more than that. Ben wasn't touching him anywhere that could potentially make Cody feel pressured to do something he wasn't comfortable with, other than kissing and breathing, he was barely even moving. But even so, the angel panicked and obviously tried to pull away, and Ben reacted immediately, by pulling away from the other's lips, and sat up straight, which placed him more on the angel's lap than his crotch. That meant that Ben didn't really know why Cody was so desperate to get away, and because of that he furrowed his brows a bit.

Hadn't the angel wanted him to kiss him? He had seemed like it, and asked him to previously, but maybe... Ben's thoughts went back to the last time they were together, where Cody said he didn't want to be just another fuck. Was that what this was about? Had he been moving too quickly?
Ben cleared his throat and mumbled a quick apology - "Sorry, guess I got carried away for a moment there," - followed by a dry chuckle, before climbing back down from the bed and back to the chair - once again very mindful of Cody's injured limbs. He suddenly felt all too aware of how much of the other he could've been touching, hadn't there been covers separating them, and felt... gross... Like he had been doing something wrong - he was touching something pure and innocent with his dirty hands, and he didn't like that feeling.

"You should probably try and go back to sleep. I'll drive you home tomorrow," he said, with a gentle smile on his lips. No need to alert Cody to these thoughts. They were going to take it slowly if they ever got around to do anything, and the angel shouldn't feel pressured just because Ben had issues. No, he'd just deal with them later, and try to just be supportive for now.

As soon as Ben pulled back, he regretted immediately, please, please don't go, please.. but to late, Ben had already startede to climb down from the bed again. As Cody really couldn't do much about it, or maybe he just wasn't brave enough, why was it so hard to just speak these - quite heavy emotions, openly and freely? Why was there always this huge big black sky, treating to wash away all those little moments of sunshine - because fuck, they hadn't gotten to much of that lately, sure they could use some more! Maybe we could run away together? To a more.. sunnier place! It was a sweet though, but it would never be anything more than that... would they? Be more than a sweet thought? A nice try.. something people would think of and say 'oh well, they tried, guess it wasn't meant to be' - god he hoped not.. he wanted this, like he had never wanted anything else in his entire life, he wanted people to say - in some future years away - 'oh yes, I know that couple, they'd been together for always, I wanna find someone like that, to spend my life with and grow old with, that's true love man..'

"It's not.. that.." he said, in a barley hearable voice, as he blushed a little bit, looking over at the sirens face, "I.. I got.. carried away.. too.." he told the siren with his hoarse and unsecure voice, before he just nodded a bit - now even more blushed than before - better go before I make a complete fool of myself..
"Yes okay, right yes.. sure.. okay eh - see you tomorrow then.. take care.." he mumbled, if he could just move around without any trouble, he would with no doubt tried and hugged Ben, but it was a bit.. unrealistic at the time - he'd just have to hug him extra good and long next time!

When Ben had left, he wasn't tired at all - he was still - very much aroused, from the almost nothing - that had happened on the bed.. but it was by now, the most action he had gotten from Ben, like ever - and Ben was he only guy he'd ever pictured himself - being sexual with - so of cause this was a bit moment for Cody.. and with that, he put his and down he's pants - moaning away to the feeling of Ben on top of him, and the picture of that beautiful face and body in his head - not as innocent and pure, as one might think..