I just want to feel good enough

LOCATION | Some street in Aston
TIME | Midnight
DATE | 29th of March 2022
WEATHER | Cold and rainy
ATTIRE | Link
TOPIC FOR |  @Minerva xx
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Something had just hit him. Worst thing was he didn't know what it was, or where the feeling was coming from. It just hit him from right and left, leaving him breathless on the streets, sitting on his knees just starring up into the lamppost, begging for an answer. It was exhausting being in war with yourself so often, and sometimes Malcolm just completely forgot that he was slowly being torn apart by his own hands, his own mind. But he got up, barely got up, but he got up. Swaying a bit and took a sharper breath in and then took a few steps ahead of the rainy empty streets. He had to find home, but in the blurring sight and raining he couldn't. Malcolm didn't even know where to turn, and no one would really notice he went missing for a couple of hours, he usually wandered around. His heart was already way down the street ahead of him in this race and he took a sharper breath in as it ached in his chest that tried to keep him moving. He reached out for the nearest lamppost, closing his hands around the ice cold metal so tight, so tight his knuckles turned white while he just tried to ground himself. But how did you ground yourself when everything was foggy and floating around you, flashing before your eyes of endless chaos you couldn't put down. That you couldn't stabilize. Alone, just clenching to the lamppost as if it was the only life boat miles away, which maybe it was.

She hadn’t joined the family in this part of the country for all that long. But she had enjoyed it here, especially after she had begged her mother, or maybe insisted was more like it. That she would join the academy. Get a feel for how it was like to be a teenager in this part of the world, especially when it came to the supernatural. But when she had awoken this morning, she had been feeling a bigger draw to one of her aura’s than the others. As it so often did, when the light of green formed over her body when she closed her eyes. Someone needed her help today, she wasn’t sure who or why, but there would come a time where she would be able to ease their pain, even if it was only for a moment. Maybe even for longer, depending on bad the damage was.
But no one had been needing her help, so she had just drifted around the day going to the classes that she felt like and ditching others that seemed rather boring or she didn’t like the look of the teacher.
Some from her last class had talked about going out to get a drink or two. People that wanted to drink on a Tuesday, seemed like her kind of people. But after a couple of drinks, she had felt that pull again. Not even saying goodbye she had taken her jacket and walked outside, letting her feet take her two wherever it was that she was needed. And there she saw him. Malcolm holding onto a lamppost as if she was drifting away or wasn’t able to keep himself up by himself.
Now, she had been by not long ago, surprising him in his kitchen while making food for him. After that they had walked a couple of times together. But she had never felt this pull of sadness coming from him, not as strong as it was pouring out of him at this very moment. Almost like it was trying to tear him apart.
Minerva was quick to run over and let her arms find him. “I got you Malcolm, lean on me” she whispered, as she slowly moved his hands from the lamppost and put them around her instead.

He felt the arms around him, first it made him gasp in shock of someone else being on these streets these hours. Here he had thought he was all by himself in the misery of his mind in some sort of limbo, wouldn't be the first time. Then he felt his hands got removed from the lamppost and around Minerva instead, right now he didn't really think, he just felt. There wasn't any part of him who understood anything that was going on, so he just let his arms stay around her, not closing his eyes just starred into the rain as if he had just faced his worst fears. It took him a moment before he gasped for air, having held his breath for a moment. Malcolm had been standing on darker edges and not faded into nothingness yet, and tonight was not going to be that night either. Malcolm didn't say a thing, but he tried to breathe, even if was more shallow and rapid, making it heard to stabilize himself because of the heart pounding like crazy in his chest.

It would be a shame if Minerva said she had never been at a point in her life, where she just wanted everything to end. The thought about just letting herself sink down in a bottomless pit in the ocean, strapped to an anker so she would never have to endure pain ever again. It had been there, that gnawing voice whispering, taking over, screaming in your head to the point where you couldn’t do anything but just sit paralyzed to the seat hoping that one would be there to take your hand, tell you that you needed to remember to breath. Guided you through some of the most basic things of living.
“Breathe Malcolm, breathe” she whispered softly, holding him closer to her. There was no need to get home right away, even if she wanted nothing more than to take him home right now. But for that to happen, he first needed to feel more at peace than he did right now. “I’m here” she whispered, closing her eyes letting her aura form around him, pouring in the green light slowly easing the pain that was making him fall into the dark pit of anxiety. There was no need for him to have all this traumatic pain, he had never deserved it. She found the pieces where he had lost his familiar, mending the wound ever so slowly, feeling just how much it teared at him and how much energy that she needed herself to even do this. But she continued, even if she knew the wound wasn’t fully closed, and never was something she could do. Only ease it.
Then she found the loss of his wife, the loss of his mother. Tears glided down her cheeks as she felt the pain with him pressing her eyes closer together letting out a shaky breath. “I got you” she whispered, even though it was hard to keep her voice steady.

He almost choked on the air he tried to breathe in, like the air wasn't allowed to enter his system, yet he kept on crying, making him cough a little a few times feeling like he more or less could choke on his own tongue if he wasn't careful. But it was just so bloody hard once he had entered this state of mind to even get back, because he was just swimming around in the darkness. In the endless pit of despair that wanted nothing more than to chain him to the dark terror for the rest of his life. I'm here, it repeated over and over in his mind like a mantra that he hadn't really known he needed. Then he felt it, like it all lifted, like she just pulled the weighed blanket of anxiety and pain, completely just tore it off his skin. Not because it completely went away, he could still feel it there somewhere inside, but it wasn't tearing him apart anymore. Malcolm almost gasped, because he couldn't really recall when he ever in so many years had felt that kind of peace in his heart, in his mind nor soul at once. It almost scared him, because he wasn't used to feeling alright  - not like this. It took more than a minute, more so it took at least five - but who was really counting - before he slowly pulled away, drying his eyes even through the rain pretty much made the tears unseen. "Thank you," he exhaled looking at her, then looking around them, it wasn't really a scene he liked for them being stuck in. And at the same time he didn't care where ever they would be stuck. "Should we get the hell out of here?" He suggested softly still having one arm around her, not having found the courage to let completely go yet. Or maybe it was something else.

Minerva felt the small tug of her lips when he turned and looked at her. She felt the warmth around her from his arm, that he kept there as he asked if they should get the hell out of here. She wanted to agree, but for a moment she was completely stunned by the feeling that spread in her chest. The small voice in her head that told her just to go for it. Maybe it was the fact that she had just peaked into his mind, felt the heaviness pressing down on his chest. She had felt it with him, and it didn’t scare her. That was something that you needed to know about the old werewolf, anything remotely that could lead to a greater connection, it scared her in a way, that she couldn’t really describe.
She tried to pull the rains back. Telling him that they should in fact get the hell out of here. But with the rain falling around them, almost giving the illusion about the fact that they were the only two people in the world. And then, then there was something that asked her, if it would really be so wrong to just go for it?
Her hand found his neck, and then she pulled him in and placed a soft kiss against his lips.

They didn't move first, which had him confused for a second. Not that he in his moment actually had a hurricane of thoughts to theorize why, he just didn't know. Didn't know how she had rescued him from his demons, or how it had affected her. Malcolm of all people knew the downside of some powers, it was like when he removed someone's wounds and took them onto himself. But he just kept his eyes at her, then her hand found his neck. He could have sworn for a second, just for a moment that the rain drops around them slowed down, and time just stopped the second her lips brushed against his. It was safe to say that for the first second he was caught by surprise, because he hadn't expected it. Sadly, Malcolm rarely expected any sort of affection. But given the small second of surprise, he kissed her back. Taking in the entire feeling of love that was spreading from his chest, unlocking it from where he otherwise had buried his heart and set it free. Not knowing what would happen from this moment, but right now he was ready for all the highs and he lows - he believed that.

She was just about to pull away, because she felt the hesitation in him. But before she could, he kissed her back. And when he did. It was like an entirely new world opened up in the back of her head. It was like someone welcomed her home, and even though it almost scared her enough to feel tears beg to leave her eyes, she didn’t pull away or slow down.
Repositioning her arms, she pulled him closer, felt how she became more greedy for his love. She had never in a million years thought that their walks would amount to this. That she would help him, and then suddenly feel this drawn to him. But she couldn’t put it away, and she was suddenly so scared that he would just fall through her fingers and disappear. She had seen into those crocket corners of his dark mind which only strengthened the feeling building in her.
After a while she pulled away, blinking she licked her swollen lips before her blue eyes found his. “Wow” she whispered, suddenly feeling extremely sober. “Yeah, what was it, getting the hell out of here?” she asked, not really moving because all the thought kept circling back to, was kissing him again.

Kissing her, he felt like, like he finally knew what love was supposed to feel like. How the warmth was spreading across his chest, the settling feeling things would be alright. That he was home. Then she pulled away, that sensation didn't fade away, it moved to her eyes as he looked into them. Malcolm swore he could see all the constellations in her eyes. Wow, he wanted to say the same, just folding her lips still feeling the touch of hers displaying on his even if they weren't. Then mentioning what he had said just a kiss ago. Getting out of here. Well, getting out of here, what would that mean? He wondered that for a second, before he took a deeper breath in, "yeah just in a second," he whispered, before he once again let his lips meet with hers, this time placing his hand against her jaw, holding her a bit closer towards him. First after a moment he pulled away, "now I'm ready, lets get out of here," he released his grip from around her and instead took her hand, giving it a soft squeeze, showing he was ready to go. At least now his head was more clear he knew he didn't live too far away.

She blinked a little when he told her just a second, but the smile grew as he leaned in and let their lips meet all over again. She could feel how light her entire body felt when she was pulled into his warmth and love, even though it scared her. Because she also understood just how real this became with her kissing him, a feeling she had been running from for so long. But if anything, Minerva was excellent at just living in the moment. Not letting anything affect her, at least not until later when she was alone.
When he moved away again, her eyes were still closed. Just staying in this small bubble of theirs for a moment longer. Then she nodded and a small giggle left her, as he took her hand and moved towards where he lived. She didn’t really say anything, but she could feel the small bounce in her step. Which was why she suddenly realized, just how deep rooted these feelings were. A cold sensation folded over her shoulders and travelled down her spine, it almost fought to get into her mind and heart. Clouding this pure and wonderful feeling, a small whisper telling her it was doomed, and she should run away, before she got hurt.
But for now, she managed to push it down, and leaned against his arm as they travelled down the wet pavement.

Malcolm exhaled softly, paying notice to how things slowly started to change. It was a step he had never dared to take, because why try to push something that otherwise was so great, and what if it wound everything? They had known each other for over a thousand years, before he even had met his former wife. But like with everything in life, Malcolm was good at pushing things so deep down if he reckoned he didn't deserve it, so in the end he had lived with the faint sensation of the sort of love he held in his heart for Minerva, giving the affection to where the limit was, but now. They had crossed that invisible line and he knew that, as they reached the house and he opened the door, that things would change. They for one needed to vocalize what just had happened between the two of them. Malcolm still felt the touch of where he head had been resting against his arm as they walked down the streets. Their clothing soaked from the rain, and he knew within a snap of a finger he could simply having them dried up like the rain never had happened. But it had, and he for one didn't want to forget that. So, his hand remained in hers, giving it a soft squeeze. How odd beings who had been wandering the world for so long could get these small sensations of not knowing what were to happen next.

He turned his eyes towards hers and looked at her baby blue eyes, feeling how his heart just dropped a little bit more, as he took a sharper breath in. Malcolm never had trouble knowing what to say or not to say, but right in this moment, he felt completely out of words, because no words could really be put into the love and admiration he felt towards the werewolf before him.

It was no secret who Minerva was as a person. She was good at broadcasting it, as she stood on tables singing on the top of her lungs. When she drove pass the police cars and gave them the middle finger while acting crazy. She didn’t hide away from the fact that she knew that it showcased that she had an extreme problem with commitment and letting someone close enough to break her heart. She had seen how it ruined, how it tore people apart. So why would she open herself up to that, when she could run away. When she could drink and pretend that she was happy, take the act so far that she had started to believe it herself. But when she stood here in his hallway. Hearing how their drench clothing dripped unto the hardwood flooring. When she locked her eyes with his, and for a moment forgot to breathe, she knew that there was no way she could run from this. Minerva had kissed him, and that had taken the step from being a platonic friendship to something else entirely. She was now at a crossroads, where she had to make up with herself, did she want to pursuit this, knowing just how hard it would be for her? Hoping that he would show her understanding when she would try to fight him every step they took further to a steady and romantic relationship? Because she would, she might not want to, but thousands of years of habits were hard to break. It only took a day to learn a bad habit, and over a month to break it again.
But as the older werewolf stood there thinking about what to do. As her lips shivered gently from the cold and soaking wet clothing. It was like her body and heart made up their mind before her head could follow. “Malcolm” she whispered in a low and loving voice, a voice that only conveyed something a lover would say to another. Her feet had moved, her hand found his neck. Eyes slightly hooded as she looked up at him. “I will try, for you, if you want – I will do my best to try” she whispered with a shaking voice, hoping he understood what she was telling him. Hoping he would kiss her again; because, she couldn't begin to describe how much she already missed his warm lips against hers.

His eyes kept on locked on hers as she whispered his name. He felt how her hand found his neck, how the touch was enough to feel like she touched every single nerve in his body the most soothing way. Malcolm felt how his heart skipped a few beats trying to keep up with what was going on around him. Then her eyes met up with his, and he took a deeper breath in as her lips parted and her whisper of words left her mouth. "That's all I need," he whispered back. Because it was true. It was a while since he had let someone in, in any way, so for him trying was the best both of them could do. "I will try my best too," he let his lips pull up in a little sweet smile as he moved his free hand up and rested it against her cheek. Then leaned in, and placed his lips against her in a more passionate kiss. Already hit by the addiction the taste of her lips had infected him with, but he also knew right this moment that he wouldn't have it any other way.

She gave him a small smile, as he told her it was all he needed. A small voice in the back of her head prayed to that she would never end up breaking his heart. Because as she thought back, that had to be the only reason why she hadn’t pursued what her heart was whispering. Thinking of all the excuses on why they shouldn’t do it.
Minerva found it almost perplexing as she thought back to when Malcolm had gotten married. Perplexing because she finally figured out why she had been in such a mood. How easy it must have been for everyone else to see, but to the two people now finally standing here. Promising one another that they would try to let the other in. She could already hear Leon and Elias sighing and saying finally.
But all of those fleeting thoughts disappeared as his lips found hers. The passion almost knocked off her balance and she had to place both her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Gasping towards his lips, she deepened the kiss totally forgetting time and place.

He wanted this more than anything else, and he craved the feeling of serenity the touch of her lips brought him. Malcolm's arms closed around her back, pulling her closer towards him, not caring for their clothing being completely soaked or how the water from the rain was dripping down on the woodened floors. All he cared for in this moment was the feeling of things finally settling in him, how the last pieces of the puzzle started to move towards the different locations where they otherwise had been lost. It was all his life, he had been waiting for this moment, which seemed a bit dramatic to say, but at the same time he also couldn't care less, because the feeling of being complete had been so unfamiliar for so long, but right now as he kept her close in his embrace, it finally welcomed him home.

Maybe it was the fact that she knew that he couldn’t bind himself to her. That her name couldn’t possibly be standing on his collarbone. Perhaps that was the whole reason why she didn’t mind tying herself to him for a moment, knowing that one day he would have to go and find someone else, leaving her to live her life as she had always done. Which, in a way, would mean that she would put herself in a precarious situation. But knowing it and having it in the back of her head, she didn’t have to be so scared. At least that was what she told herself as she repeatedly let their lips meet each other.
That was what she told herself as the clothes were dropped to the floor and her hands started to explore. That was what she told herself as she moved with him towards a surface where it would be more appropriate than in the middle of the hallway.
Her hand found something flat, maybe the dining table? She wasn’t sure, but that was when she woke up, and she broke away from the kiss, just for a moment. “Are you sure?” she whispered, finally opening her eyes so she could look into his while he would answer whether he was sure or not.

Malcolm didn't even put into mind that they moved, that they were waltzing further into the living room, he was so enchanted by the feeling of her lips against his and how the touch of her fingers ignited something in him he hadn't felt before. Then she broke away from the kiss, making him take a deeper breath in, listening to her words. Are you sure? It was a great question, but there was only one thing he knew when it came to her, "when It comes to you I'm never unsure about anything," he whispered back letting his forehead rest against to his. But perhaps she thought they were moving too fast? He couldn't honestly say. Only they could tell. But wasn't it just insane how fast the night could change something? "Are you sure?" He then wondered and opened his eyes letting his hands rest against her cheeks, letting his thumbs run over the skin.

She couldn’t help the smile that blossomed on her lips. She was sure that it made her look like a crazy love fool, but right now, she didn’t mind it. Because it was with him, she was safe right here in his arms, which would be overwhelming tomorrow but not right now. She didn’t want to run away; he made her want to stay, which in itself was pretty amazing. Her eyes closed as his hand found her cheek, the warmness reassuring her as he asked if she was sure. A soft nod left her as her teeth pulled back her bottom lip. She felt how he made heat spread not only in her cheek but throughout her entire body. “Yeah, I’m sure”, she whispered, opening her eyes again to look inside his. “You know because I love you, you idiot”, she laughed, leaning in and kissing him again. Because she did, maybe it had never been seen to her in a romantic sense before now, but she had always known that he was close to her heart. There had never been a time when she had dared to venture further into those feelings, at least not like they were now.

/out - 2 måneder gået