Loosing myself

She had thrown herself into her work, killing more than she normally would. Her first week every kill had been following by hysterical sobbing, but the second week had seemed to calm her. The third week she felt nothing and the fourth week she had forgotten how it was to feel anything but blood on her hands. She moved through the sleasy streets of Southside, her stake on her arm and pulled his shirt closer to her body. She had a new assignment and was tracking a vampire that was a few feet a head of her. The vampire stopped as he noticed her, and she put on her best fake smile she could, almost looking flirty at him. She moved closer to the vampire, hiding her stake from his gaze and looking into his eyes. ”What do you want?” the vampire demanded in a dominant tone. Buffy shrugged. She didn’t want anything anymore except get her work done. Maybe she had thrown herself into her work because she felt the need to keep up with the job that Baal had been doing. Baal. Just the name ringing in her head made her swallow and look at the vampire. ”Fun,” she said, pulling the vampire with her into an alley. It wasn’t weird behaviour for Southside to pull others into alleys with the intent to murder, but the vampire clearly saw Buffy as a snack. She breathed out as the vampire pushed her against the damp wall behind her. His dark eyes looking at her body and clearly liking what he saw. His hands went to her throat, and she gasped slowly as she felt his tight grip. She readied her stake and went for the heart of the vampire, but he noticed and grabbed her throat tighter, slinging her down the alley.

It took him a month in hell to find his soul fragment, and it wasnt exactly easy to get it to merge with him. As soon as he consumed it, he had woken up in a catacomb in a place he hadnt seen before. He looked around as he placed a hand over his chest and gasped for air, like when his heart was pierced. The pain was still there, like he had just died and resurrected in the same moment. It was an odd feeling, that took a while to pass. He grabbed a corpse's wretched clothing and put them on. It was tight and most of his chest was exposed, but he didnt care. He remembered his last moment, the look in her eyes as she killed him burning in his memory with a fiery fire. He felt grief-stricken at his own stubbornness, because a part of him knew that he could have put up a better fight with his darkness. He looked at his marked hand and exhaled deeply, the artifact was more unstable than ever, making the mark boil on his skin. He bit down on his tongue and tried to ignore the pain, he had to go, go and find her, a few painful grunts leaving his mouth as he proceeded.
He got out of the catacomb and recognized the place. He was in Southside. He grabbed a sharp stone and he was fast to draw his mark, like he was in a panic. He had to know where she was, being back and not being with her was like he never left hell. He summoned his beast and mumbled a few demonic words, which sent it off to roam the Southside, just in case she was there. He clenched his teeth in pain as he had never tried feeling what it was like when his minions were this far away from him, and he stumbled as he tried to follow, feeling it's location with his mark. The beast ran with a mighty speed, scanning every corner, every street. But it was to no avail. It stopped in the middle of a street as it dug it's claws into the ground and let out a ear-hurtingly loud and ghastly howl.

The ground hit her back and she rolled round a bit before the force from the vampire had gotten exhausted. She coughed and got to her feet, holding her stake in her hand, her eyes cold and empty as she looked at the vampire. She ran forward, accessing the former stake owner’s memories and movements as she flung herself at the monster. She managed to piece it’s skin, blood spewing onto her hands as she felt the vampire die at her hands. Shaking she stood up and looked as she heard that familiar howl. ”Spot?” she whispered, but her body still felt drained from the kill of the vampire. Her stake was powerful, but it came with a price every time. She moved to the demon dog and looked at it’s red eyes, like she couldn’t believe it. She placed her stake back in it’s holster and kneeled down to the demonic dog, scratching it behind it’s ear. Was this real or one of her dreams? That’s when she heard footsteps and turned her head towards the sound, slowly getting back on her feet. Her heart dropped to her stomach and she exhaled, widening her eyes at the sight of him.

The hound had no problem with running from Baal, not caring much for how much it hurt the demon with the distance. Somehow it had gotten angry at Baal when it had killed Karmena and it had sprained it's loyalty to him. So causing Baal to feel this pain was somewhat satisfying, and it would rather find Buffy than be around him. As it turned it's eyes and saw Buffy, it's eyes lighted up with joy and ran to her, nudging it's head against her hand as she scratched it behind the ear. Baal caught up eventually and was panting for air from both exhaustion and the painful distance. He placed a hand against the wall as he clenched his fist at his chest and closed his eyes for a bit. As he opened them, they met her beautiful green ones, and he froze.
It took him a while, but he stumbled towards her as quickly as he could, cupping her face in his hands as he pressed his lips against hers in a aching yet tender kiss. He pulled away after a bit and scanned her face like had it been forever since he last saw her. It sure felt like it, when he was in hell. "Boadicea..." he whispered in disbelief as he shifted between her beautiful eyes and felt his heart pound with such force. "I'm sorry," he then said as he let go of her face and wrapped his arms around her. He had felt so weak, but felt so strong now that she was here in his arms, but it was probably the adrenaline - His body was very weak.

She couldn’t believe when she saw those familiar grey eyes, but before she could react she felt his hands on either side of her face. Feeling his lips was like it brought her back to life and she returned the kiss pressing herself closer to him. ”Have I died?” she whispered against his lips. She hadn’t felt herself die, but she couldn’t be sure with her stake and she looked up at his grey eyes. If she had died she didn’t care if it was heaven or hell. She had him close. She could see him breathing heavily and it was like she could sense his heart beat faster. Did they have a heart beat in death? His words made a few tears appear in her eyes, slowly making their way down her cheeks. His embrace was safe and she slowly wrapped her arms around him in return. She was in total disbelief, but she had him close. That was all she knew. ”I … I killed you, Baal,” she whispered, her voice cracking as she said his name. She moved her head and looked up at his face, moving one hand to his cheek with a sad smile on her lips. She could feel her heart beat as she looked at him. ”I think I should apologize – at least partly,” she whispered.

As she whispered against his lips, he felt so guilty, seeing her like this reminded him of how he had broken his promise and left her in this world with a broken heart. He shook his head as he had pulled her in and pressed his face down onto her hair. He inhaled her scent and felt a bit more at ease, and yet his heart was aching. Her words made him clench his jaw he felt so grief-stricken to just hear her say it. He had forced her to kill him, using her promise as the weapon that had torn her apart. He moved his eyes down to hers as she looked up at him and felt her hand on his cheek, he leaned into it and felt her comforting touch that he had missed so dearly, closing his eyes as he just took in the feeling of safety.
Her whisper made him open his eyes as he looked at her with a frown, "No. I forced your hand, by telling you that you had promised me," he then said as he lifted his hand and placed it on her cheek, removing the trails that the tears had made down her face with his thumb. He felt so happy and yet so sad, it was inexplainable. He exhaled deeply and leaned down as he pressed his forehead against hers, just to feel her skin on his, closing his eyes for a bit. "I broke your heart..." he then said in a low painful tone as he opened his eyes and lifted his head, "I..." for the first time, he actually had no idea what to say - It was like there was nothing that seemed right. Promising her that he wouldnt do it again seemed pointless as he had so easily broken his first promise. Telling her that he wanted to make up for it didnt seem right either. He sighed and blinked a few oncoming tears away, "I wish I could say something that would make everything okay, but there's nothing I could say that would do that..." he then said in the same low tone as before. "I love you, so much" he then whispered.

Feeling him close and smelling his scent was like she slowly came back to life, her body shaking as she pressed her into him. She didn’t want to let go, scared that it would mean loosing him again. If she hadn’t had her obligation to her the human world she would have tried and follow him, but she couldn’t be that selfish. What about her brother? What about those she called friends? She just couldn’t bring herself to it. Him leaning against her hand made her smile. It was really him. Her crazy demon with a love for humans. ”You reminded me of my promise – I could have broken it,” she whispered, letting him remove the tears from her face. His forehead against hers made her close her eyes and she listened to his sentence. It was just a fact. It was what he had done, but she also knew he would be the only one who could mend the broken pieces together. She looked into his eyes and saw how he searched for his words, and when he did she exhaled slowly. ”Words can’t mend a broken heart, but actions can,” she said looking at him. His next words made her hold her breath as she felt her chest go crazy from her heart beating faster. Buffy’s green eyes looked at him as she tried to process his words, and felt herself leaning closer to his lips. ”I love you too,” she whispered and pressed her lips against his. She felt her one hand move to his, taking it and entangling their fingers as she so often had done. ”But we need to get you some demon food,” she whispered with a small sad smile. She still found a way to tease him even if she was sad. Maybe it was part of her usual up-beat personality, but the last month she hadn’t felt like herself. ”And maybe you want your shirt back now?” she said a short chuckle escaping her lips as she looked at the tight and worn down clothes he was wearing. She let go of his hand shortly and took off the shirt she was wearing over her regular clothes and handed it to him.

"You have your duty, and I dont blame you for carrying it out," he assured her with a sad tone. He had asked for it and couldnt blame her for not breaking her promise. After all, she was the human and he was the devilish demon, it was just the sad truth. But he didnt want to be a breaker of promises, and he hadnt realized back then that he would become that, it was an unlikely thing for his bloodline to break their promises, and yet he had done it. He could never undo it, but only make sure to keep all his promises from now on.
She spoke the truth when she said that words couldnt mend a broken heart. He could still wish though, have some magic word that would fix all the wrongdoing he had put her through. Saying it out loud to her in a whisper that he loved her had made his heart beat faster, and he felt her hold her breath as her heart sped up as well. He just looked at her and frowned a bit as he was ready to tell her again, in case she didnt understand, but then she whispered it back and kissed him. The words followed by the kiss seemed to make his whole world spin around him and he pressed her closer as he deepened the kiss, making the intoxication last just a little bit longer. He let their fingers entangle and felt oddly short of breath after the kiss as she said they had to find something for him to eat. He smiled a bit when she had called it demon food and seemed to have caught his breath again.
When she offered him his shirt, he looked down his own body and sighed, grabbing the shirt as she offered it and pulled it over his head. He could smell her scent in the fabric and it made him quite happy, as it meant that she must have been wearing it a lot - Yet his expression saddened when he realized that she was wearing it in heartache.
He turned to his hound that growled at him and sighed. "Understandable," he mumbled before he reached out for the beast, it snapped at his hand and caught it, but it didnt rip it off as it would have with someone else. Baal clenched his teeth as it bit down, letting go to leave his hand with teeth marks that bled. He mumbled a few demonic words to the hound as it then ran off through the city. He seemed weaker as it got further away and pressed himself to the wall as he tightened a fist at his chest. "He'll catch something," he then said as he sat down and had a pained expression painted over his face. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the pain leaning his back against the wall.

”Duty or not, I kind of broke your heart too,” she said frowning. It wasn’t the breaking she had promised not to do, but a litteral breaking and staking of his heart. She could still see his dead eyes when she closed her own, and the nightmares hadn’t dulled down. She felt his lips against hers and she returned when he deepened the kiss. The world didn’t matter in that moment. Nothing mattered but the fact that she had him close and she could feel his body reacting to her movements. As their lips parted she looked at him in amazement. She would have never guessed that she would feel his lips again, let alone his fingers between hers. Her chest heaved a bit as she tried to focus and suggested demon food for him. She didn’t like to think of it as souls, as he usually fed from dark creatures. She looked at him as he took his shirt on, watching his face go from happy to sad in such a short time made her wonder. She looked down shortly, feeling a need to explain herself, but turned her head to the demonic dog. As it bit Baal she frowned and grabbed Spot’s head. ”Why are you being a bad boy?” she asked in wonder and let the dog run off, looking at Baal’s bitemarks. He sat down and she followed, leaning her head against the damp alley wall. He was hurting, she knew that, but she was helpless. She couldn’t offer her soul, because she only had one to give.

”Hey,” she said, placing a hand over his clenched fist on his chest. ”Look at me,” she said with a faint smile. She hoped he would once again turn his face to greet her, letting her see the hint of green in those lovely grey eyes of his. ”I never really told you about why I carry this wooden stick,” she said, trying to keep the mood light, though she knew she had to be careful with her words. She sat upright, taking his hand in hers and just holding it, looking at the pentagram on his palm. ”Normally a human wouldn’t even be a match for a vampire or a demon,” she said, stating the obvious, but it was a safe start. ”But this stick activated because I have some weird gene in me; one that links thousands of years back,” she said looking up at his eyes. She just wanted to pass the time, maybe distract him a bit from the pain. ”When I use it, I can access their muscle memories, and even their real life memories, if they had that stake with them,” she explained, taking the stake out of it’s holster and holding it in her hand as she considered her next words. ”It is looked upon as a great honor in my field of work, to be the one wielding the stake, but it comes with a price as so much else does,” she said, trying to hide the sadness behind her eyes as she weighed the wooden stick in her hand. ”It takes part of my lifespan whenever I use it for a kill,” she said and placed it back in it’s holster, not intending to use it anyways. She was safe with Baal, she knew that, even if he doubted that sometimes. ”The last wielder lived to be forty – pretty good,” she said with a small chuckle.

He shrugged to her answer. He had been heartbroken in hell when he realized what he had made her do, but he couldnt believe that it was her fault, it was him who had asked for it.
The hound looked at Buffy as she grabbed it's head, tightening it's grip just a little more as it was furious with Baal and being called a bad boy by Buffy in the tone she made, just made it think that it was another of Baal's doings. Baal looked at his bleeding hand before he felt the pain of the distance.
He opened his eyes as she put her hand over his fist and did her bidding when she told him to look at her. He didnt like showing her that he was in pain, but he couldnt really help it when she asked him to look at her. So he tried to keep it down and hide it away, hopefully forget about it even though the artifact made sure to give a few solid pulls at his core as he showed in a few painful grunts and furrowed eyebrows whenever he couldnt hold it back. He listened to her as she looked at his hand and took a few deep breaths, leaning his head back against the wall as she stated the obvious. He kept listening, focusing on her words to get his mind off the pain, making a frown at her explanation as she said that her genes had something to do with her stake.
He closed his eyes as she explained how the stake worked, opening his eyes shortly to look at the stake, just to close them again and listen, quieting a grunt of pain that came out strained. He opened his eyes again at the mention of a prize and leaned his head back down as he looked at her with a confused expression. But as she explained the prize, his pain turned into sorrow as her last words left her lips. "No... forty is like a moment," he mumbled as he grabbed her face and made her look at him,  his eyes shaking as they looked into hers.
The sudden fear of realizing that she couldnt live long struck him and he pushed himself onto his knees as he kept holding her face, "I dont want you to just be a moment..." he whispered in a plea as his arms shook with panic as he knew how time could fly by, especially for a demon that had lived over a thousand years. "Tell me it's not true...." He didnt want to believe that he had forced her to sacrifice a part of her lifespan when she had killed him, but he knew it to be true. He felt a tear roll down his face as his eyes moved away from hers and got this emptiness to them.

Even if he didn’t show it she could still see the pain. She knew how to suffer in silence, and what he did was surpressing what he was feeling. His small choked grunts and unsteady breathing was enough to know. She knew she shouldn’t have told him, but she was not the person to live her life like a lie. She couldn’t ignore the fact of what she was destined to do. His words made her swallow as she looked at him. She didn’t really have a choice, but his shaking eyes made her smiel at him with a loving smile, placing a hand over his as she tried to comfort him. His words had stung a bit and she realised that forty must have sounded like a day in his life. She moved with him to their feet and kept her hand over his, smiling a soft smile at his words. Buffy reached out and pulled him close, sighing as he begged her. Of course he didn’t want to believe it, but it was true. It was her reality, and a thing she had to accept. ”I can’t lie to you,” she whispered, placing a kiss on his chest, breathing in his scent to calm herself down. She pulled herself away a bit, removing his tears with a gentle finger, smiling at him. ”Don’t cry, it’s fine,” she said comforting. It was a bit strange that she was the one to comfort him, but she felt like she needed to do it. ”I just want you to know what you are getting yourself involved in,” she said leaning up to place a kiss against his lips. She knew that for her work against the things on earth she might be forced to go to heaven. Or maybe she would end up in hell for her killing, she really didn’t want to think about it. ”But Baal I want to spend my time with you, if you’ll allow it of course,” she said with a smile. ”Hey, at least you won’t have to see me get grey hair, if we’re lucky,” she said chuckling to herself, a few tears in her eyes. She didn’t want to cry about it, because she had accepted her faith. She had done it willingly, every kill eating away at her lifespan.

He would have rather had a lie. Or maybe not, but this truth was more than he could take. He knew that humans had an expiry date, but he had hoped for more with her. Only that hope wasnt enough, and in the end she was going to leave him one way or another. Even if he had denied himself to think about it, it had been forced out in the open now. And suddenly he felt like he hated their mortality, her mortality. Why couldnt she live forever?
She removed his tear, but as she said it was fine, he couldnt believe her. How could this be fine in any way? He just couldnt understand, was it hard for her to understand that a life without her for him now was no life? He listened to her words, but his stomach was churning at the continuous thought of her being gone. Her kiss was bittersweet and it made his lip quiver against hers as he closed his eyes. He opened them as she said she wanted to spend her time with him, time was such a cruel word to use. It was not a time, it was a passing moment that quickly could come to an end.
Her optimism just made it that much worse. He would rather watch her grow old and be at her side all the way than losing her before she could fully live her life. His breath trembled as he looked into her eyes with grief-stricken eyes. He sobbed quietly and lifted a hand to cover most of his face as all the thoughts that ran through his mind seemed to tear his heart apart. After a while, he just shook his head as his shaking hand found it's way to her face, stroking her cheek like she was the most precious thing he had ever laid eyes on, "I'll bring you back. I'll search the heavens and hell, but I wont let you go," he then said, trying his best to keep his tone steady but it was hard. He made an angry expression as he closed his eyes and shook his head again, "I couldnt live without you," he then said in a low pained tone. It was true. "I wont live without you," he whispered in determination. A life without her was pointless. It would be hell on earth.

It was a hard pill to swallow, and it had been for her as well in the beginning. She wasn’t forced to use her stake, she did use other options if she could, but in her line of work sometimes things happened. Kissing him filled her with happiness, but all she could feel from him was his shaking lip and his broken heart. ”Wasn’t it you who said you loved our short yet meaninful lives?” she asked with a small smile on her lips, trying so desperately to show him that he shouldn’t be sad. No human knew how long they had and making the most of how long or little time there was in her horizon. However Buffy knew she wanted to spend as much time with Baal as she could. He covered his face with his hand and she took his free hand in hers, stroking the back of it. ”I can’t give you forever, but I can love you for eternity,” she said looking at him as he stroked her cheek. A tear fell down and she shook her head at his words. Of course he would try and bring her back, and she hoped it could be true. Did he really have the power to bring her back? She didn’t want to think about it and looked to him as he spoke with pain in his voice. ”Then never leave me,” she said looking in his eyes with a hopeful smile, giving his hand a confirming squeeze. ”Besides, I don’t think god could offer me even heaven in exchange for you; you are like my personal heaven,” she said smiling at him. She needed to stay positive and she wasn’t going to let the impending doom loom over them like this. She wanted to live her life the way she knew how to, and she wanted it with Baal by her side. ”We both have obligations to this world, but if we joined together we wouldn’t have to leave each other one minute,” she said, more like a suggestion. Time had passed and she wondered if Spot would soon return with something for her demon.

"Not when you're taking a part of my heart with you," he replied unable to see the bright side of it all. It was just too hard to smile or be happy, when her life was slipping up second for second. His heart sank as she said that she would love him for eternity, and another tear escaped his unwilling eye, "As will I," he said in a low tone as speaking just seemed to painful. He shifted between her eyes as she told him to never leave her, and he found it silly. Why would he leave her? He would never leave her and he didnt feel like he had to tell her, it should be clear now that he would go as far as to find a way to cheat death, just to be with her again. He frowned as she mentioned god and turned his eyes shortly up towards the sky. Their god was a cruel man, he thought.
Her last words made him feel a little more at ease, but it didnt remove the pain or the hurt, that was still lingering in his face. He sighed deeply and lifted a hand to press it against his head, "Thinking about all this has shaken my core. I cant think straight," he mumbled, looking at her with sad eyes.
He would do anything in his might to make sure that she wouldnt die if he could. Even if it meant fighting god or his father alike. As long as it kept her at his side forever, even if it meant that he would die too. He didnt care, there was nothing that could be said or done to change his mind about preventing her death.
The hound came running with a demon in it's mouth, scraping it along the asphalt but moving swift like it was holding a bone. It spat the demon out in front of them and growled at Baal before it sat down and watched them. Baal turned his eyes to the demon as he moved away from Buffy and crouched down, moving his hand over the demon to feel the soul. His mind seemed to clear up a bit as his focus was shifted but he frowned at what he felt "His soul is already slipping," he said as he eyed the hound with tired eyes. But he took the demon and sucked the soul out with ease, sighing at the taste of the dark soul. He released the corpse but didnt feel satisfied. "You really do want me to suffer," he told the hound in a sour tone as he shook his head. He couldnt let his anger get the best of him now.

Her heart skipped a beat when he said that she would take a piece of his heart with her as she would die, but he had done the same when she had placed that stake through his heart. She knew that feeling and it had just been for a month. Spending eternity with a feeling like that would have eaten away at her soul. Her life had always been destined to be short, but that didn’t mean it had to be lonely. In the short time she had known Baal she had felt herself happier than ever. Sometimes things didn’t work out like they wanted it to, but they at least had to give it a shot. Could she really risk letting go of the demon that she held so dear in her heart? No. No she couldn’t. Soon the dog came running with a demon, and she looked at Spot with a sigh. She kneeled down to it, scratching it’s head. ”He’s a good boy for bringing you anything at all,” she said looking back at Baal with a smile. She then turned her head to Spot and bit her lip, leaning down to it’s ear and whispering a sentence she had worked so hard on learning. ”Good boy,” she whispered in the demonic language that Baal used so often. The pronounciation was hard, but those two words was going through clearly. She leaned away from it’s ear and got to her feet, turning around to Baal. ”Guess you’ll need a slayer to hunt you down some food; I wonder were we can get one of those at this hour,” she said looking at him with a teasing smile. She wanted to lighten up the mood. Let there be some laughter. She couldn’t bear the thought of him being sad for the rest of her life. No, she wanted to hear his laughter and see the light in his eyes gleam. ”Oh well, I guess you’ll have to make do with me,” she said and walked closer to Baal, taking his hand and looked up at him.

He frowned as she told him to be happy that the hound even brought anything. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, still not really in the mood for jests or being thankful that his minion served him half a meal. The hound stared at Buffy as she leaned down to it's ears and raised them as she spoke in the language he understood. He pushed his head up onto her chest as a quiet yet happy 'woof' left it's jaws. Baal was surprised to see his hound behave like that and wondered what Buffy had told him.
He looked at her as she turned and had a neutral expression at her tease. He knew that she was talking about herself, but something in him still couldnt really bring him to smile. She was trying so hard to lighten his mood, and he felt bad that he couldnt give her the satisfaction of making him smile. As she grabbed his hand he exhaled quietly and looked at her as he made a minor smile by raising the corner of his mouth. It was the best he could do, he thought. "I just want to go home," he then said as he let go of her hand and wrapped his arm around her, he felt like only holding her hand wasnt close enough, he wanted her as close as he could get her. The hound walked up next to her and looked at her with big glowing red puppy eyes. Baal glanced at the hound but he didnt say anything. Then he moved his eyes ahead and remembered that his apartment probably was in the state he left it in, "Mnh..." he voiced irritated at the memory.

Buffy chuckled at the hound’s reactiong and rubbed his head. She then turned her head to the side as she looked at it. She had missed that creature far more than she would like to admit, even if he was a little troublemaker. Walking over to him she saw the hint of a smile on his lips, and in it she saw the hope she needed. He wanted to go home and she nodded. ”Your apartment is further away than mine – Don’t you think it’s about time you see where I live?” she asked and felt him let go of her hand to pull her closer with his arm around her. She leaned her head against his shoulder. ”It’s not far outside of Southside,” she said looking up at the demon’s face, feeling Spot at her side. Was it weird that she felt like they were a small family? Was it weird that she wanted to freeze this moment and just live in it for a while? ”Come on, lover boy, you need some rest,” she said with a warm and caring tone. She placed her arm around his waist and pulled herself closer to him, fearing if she let go he would disappear from her side again. She started walking in his pace, sometimes gazing down to Spot walking by her ever so protectively. The walk didn’t take long, and she kept mostly quiet, just listening to his breathing. Getting up a few floors was what she worried about, but she knew he could make it. She unlocked the door to her apartment and stepped aside so he could walk in. ”Behave in here,” she said with a warm smile looking at Spot.

He nodded as she asked and leaned a bit onto her as he had his arm around her. His body was still tired from being brought back from hell. He thought that he would have gotten a new body, but his body was the same. Even though there would be a tear in the marks on his chest where the knife had pierced, just as a reminder that he actually died. He listened as she said it wasnt far away and he turned his head to her as he looked at her face, "I havent forgotten where you live," he said as he stroked her arm with his thumb as they walked. He didnt mind the silence, as he was mostly focusing on keeping his walk steady, every step felt like a step closer to losing his footing. He looked at the stairs with worried eyes but he made it.
When they got inside, he stopped as he looked around, but he was too tired to focus on the details. He put a hand to his head and looked at Buffy as he tried to make an apologetic smile, it was halfway there. "I need to lie down," he then said as he walked over to the couch and laid down on it, placing the back of his hand over his eyes as everything suddenly seemed to be in a blur. "Boadicea." - "I missed you, dearly," he then said without lifting his hand from his eyes.

She chuckled at his comment and shook her head. Moving into the apartment, she just let him go for the couch as she went to the kitchen to get a glass of water for herself. She knew he didn’t need it, but she brought a glass of water for him as well, placing it on the coffee table and sitting down. Carefully she lifted his head up so he could have his head in her lap, and her hands moved down to his shoulders, which she gently massaged. Him saying her full name again made her roll her eyes and she chuckled to herself. ”Well, Belial, I have missed you too,” she said in a soft tone, leaning down to kiss his hand that was covering his eyes. She just sat there with his head in her lap, stroking his hair and just feeling his soft locks between her fingers. ”Let me help you in to the bed,” she said after having sat for a while. She wanted him to lay more comfortably, and it seemed like the best place. She got to her feet and looked to Spot with a smile. ”A little help – he’s a tall and tired demon,” she said with a small smile to the hound. It didn’t really understand her words, but it went to her side, supporting Baal as she got him into the bedroom, laying him down carefully on the soft mattress. She nodded to the hound as thanks and layed down on the bed with Baal, pulling him close to her and wrapping her arms around him. ”Sleep,” she whispered. ”I’ll be here when you wake up,” she promised with a small smile. She would probably fall asleep herself soon anyways. Having him close made her feel safe.

He heard the glass being placed on the table and made a slight tired frown that was hidden under his hand, "Thank you," was what he said though, because even if he didnt need it, it was nice that she thought of him too.
He scoffed as she used his real name but didnt really mind. The way she said it was sweet, and he wondered why he wanted to hear her say it again. He felt her hand in his hair, the way she played with it made him that more comfortable and closer to drifting off to sleep. He was half asleep when she said that she'd help him to the bed, he mumbled something in the demonic language through a tired voice, but he realized that she probably didnt know what he was saying. He lifted his hand but felt oddly weak, so when she asked the hound, it looked at her confused but then looked at Baal who tiredly repeated her sentence in the language it understood. It walked over and helped to it's best ability, being a big creature for a dog, it wasnt hard to support Baal, especially as he laid a tired hand over it's back and leaned onto it while Buffy helped his other side.
He felt the mattress underneath him and sighed softly as he caught her scent all over it. He rolled over onto his side and dug his face into a pillow as she laid down next to him and pulled him close. He grumbled tiredly at her whisper and laid his head on her shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her, drifting off as she promised to be there when he woke up. He hadnt slept in hell, so finally being able to sleep and know that she was here in his arms, made his dreams somewhat pleasant. He dreamt of his time in hell, but whenever it was turning bad, he squeezed her arm slightly in his sleep and the dark turned to light.
He slept for quite a long time, the hound had laid down at their feet and watched the door like a guard dog, but it knew it had to go back to hell soon. It rose to it's feet when light came and pulled at Baal's leg. He groaned tiredly and opened his eyes to look at Buffy's sleeping expression. He sighed happily and turned his eyes down to the hound as he lifted his hand and softly whispered the words that would make it disappear. He moved his head back to looking at Buffy, still feeling very tired but he couldnt help but keep himself awake, just to watch her be at peace. He was still thinking about the day she had to leave him alone to this world, but in the moment he just wanted to take in knowing that that time wasnt yet.

Getting him into bed was harder than it looked, but having the hound help her made it go smoother than ever. As she pulled him close she smiled to herself as she felt his arms around her. She felt complete again, as if this last month had just been a nightmare. As he had drifted off to sleep it didn’t take long for her own body to fall into the land of dreams. Her dreams were a weird mixture of actual happy dreams and terible nightmares. She felt herself cuddling closer to him as she slept, finally getting some rest was good for both of them. She didn’t feel him move away, just kept sleeping and hugging the duvet closer to her body as she now didn’t have Baal to hug. She moved in her sleep a small smile on her lip. ”Baal,” she mumbled against the duvet, holding it closer as if her life depended on it. As the sun came up she moved her eyes a bit without opening her eyelids. She could hear her heart starting to pound, and she feared what she was going to wake up to. It had been such a nice dream, having Baal so close and smelling his scent. She opened her eyes and her heart stopped as she looked at the demon. A smile on her lip as she moved closer to him, placing a kiss on his lips and cuddling close to him. It hadn’t been a dream. He was here. His heart was beating and his scent was stronger than ever. ”Goodmorning,” she whispered with a hoarse voice. She pulled the duvet closer to her, as the cold out side of the bed was too much when she had just woken up. She pulled him closer, looking him in the eye as if she was searching for something. ”How do you feel?” she whispered, a bit scared if he was still in such immense pain as yesterday.

He couldnt hold back a smile at her mumbling at the duvet. He moved his hand up and moved some hair away from her face as he just looked at her, frowning as she seemed distressed before her eyes opened and met his. He pulled her close accordingly to her movement and listened to her whisper. He chuckled and kissed her hair. It was pretty cold, but he didnt really mind it, but she seemed to. He crawled under the duvet and pressed his body up against hers to let her stay warm and cozy, listening to her whisper as he looked at her. "Very tired. And it feels like my heart has shattered, but that seems to be what coming back from the dead is like," he said in a low tone as he dug his face down in her hair and inhaled her scent.
"Hungry too," he mumbled as if he just remembered that he only had half a meal yesterday. He felt like he could empty a whole mall with his hunger, but he wasnt really showing how hungry he was. He just nuzzled his face in her hair and exhaled quietly as a calmness fell over him. He didnt really feel like getting up, as tired as he was, he just wanted to stay here with her all day, if he could get away with it. "I'd like to stay here if you dont mind, that is. Because I wont let you leave," he said in a mumble as he moved his head to look at her, placing a hand on her cheek as he pressed his lips to hers in a loving kiss.

As he snuck under the duvet to her, she sighed softly and pressed herself closer to his body heat, placing a small kiss on his chest. They both still were wearing their clothes from yesterday, but it didn’t matter. His small chuckle could have melted her heart and she realized how much she had missed him. The kisses he always planted on her hair and his hands so willing to pull her closer. ”I’m still sorry,” she mumbled against his chest as she placed her cheek on it, listening to his heart beat. ”If you’re hungry, then go out and get something,” she said running her hand up to entangle with his. She felt the need to be close to him, just for a while. She just layed there with him, close and feeling safe. Her heart slowly mending itself with his scent and his touch. His mumble made her remove her head and look at him with a warm smile. She raised herself up on her elbow and looked at him. ”You can stay with me always,” she said with a smile and placed a tender kiss against his lips. ”But go out and feed first – I promise I’ll stay right here, lock the doors and just do some homework,” she whispered. ”And if you’re lucky, I might have some spare time to watch a movie with you,” she said in teasing. She placed a kiss on his lips again, and felt like she didn’t want to get up, but she had to. She needed to get her assignment done and she couldn’t focus if she knew he was hungry.

"I already told you not to be," he argued to her mumble and ran a hand down her back. He enjoyed being here with her, but she was right, he had to go and find a soul, or maybe more when he was feeling this hungry - The worry of consuming hers out of blinded hunger suddenly rushed up in him as she entangled their fingers.
He groaned at her whisper, but her tease made him narrow his eyes a bit before he chuckled and shook his head, "I'd love to watch a movie with you again," he said in a low tone as he felt her kiss and teasingly nibbled at her lip with his teeth. He pushed himself up from the bed and stretched his arms up as he yawned tiredly. His bones felt like they were aching and his heart was still hurting, but it was durable - He would probably feel better after a meal. "When I return, I expect to see you with your nose buried in that homework. It's important," he then said as a tease but his voice was quite serious. He pulled off his shirt and threw it over her with a chuckle before he went out and ventured off to find his meal.

It took an hour or so and when he returned, he had changed into his own clothes, he didnt really stick around for long in his broken down apartment, just to change clothes and grab his knife. He had a bit of blood on his face but it wasnt anything bad. He knocked on her door and placed a hand in the frame as he waited for her to open.

She chuckled at his words. He wasn’t taking her apology, but it was alright, and she was going to keep apologizing until he would just accept that she needed to. It was not everyday you killed someone you loved like that, let alone that they forgave you for it. She offered a movie later and he seemed to like the idea. Mostly Buffy just felt the need to be somewhat normal. Couldn’t she just get an evening with Baal where it could just be them and no worries in the world? Maybe it was too much to ask for, but it was not much to hope for. He removed himself from the bed and she looked at him with a smile, hiding partly behind the duvet. ”A slayer taking orders from a demon? I do love a little power play,” she teased and caught his shirt as he trew it. That shirt had been all she had for the past month, and somehow seeing him leave out the door hurt a bit. But she also knew he had to go and feed himself.

She jumped up from bed and went to have a shower, afterwards jumping in a pair of loose sweatpants, Baal’s shirt and a pair of warm fluffy socks. She grabbed her book from her small desk and took it with her to the couch, sitting down to read. She hadn’t really kept an eye on the time, but when she heard the knock, she walked to the door, opening it carefully, only to see Baal standing leaning his hand on the frame. ”Selling girl scout cookies?” she teased, but stepped aside so he could come in. She still had her book in her hand as she sat down on the couch again and continued where she had left off. She was only missing about ten pages before she would be done, but having Baal in her apartment made her look at him and not the book a few more times than she normally would. ”How was brunch?” she asked, trying not to look up from her book. She wanted to finish reading so she could spend time with him.